Warrior

How do you stand firm in shaky times?  Do you crumble when you get set back in traffic?  Do you fall apart when you get that call from your doctor?  What about when you lose someone you love?  How do you handle those times that just suck?

Most of us, or possibly all of us have crumbled under pressure. Pressure from the world.  Pressure from work, from finances, relationships - you name it. It's hard to fight your own battle.  We'd like to think we can, but we turn up short, exhausted and emotionally drained.  I am guilty of this.  It's the controlling side of me that loves to solve my own problems.  I go off emotions and get caught up making rash decisions. I try to take the easy way - or what appears to be, only to find myself in a deeper hole than before.  Nothing works.  My way just doesn't work. 

When we get those phone calls that turn our day upside down we should not crumble and we should not place ourselves in a river of worry.  I know - you are thinking easier said that done.  I get it.  Even though I would consider myself  with faith as strong as a body builder, I too can falter and doubt. 

This world is not always a happy place.  It changed the day Eve took a bite out of that apple.  We have been told that we will have trails and tribulation in this world (John 16:33), so it shouldn't come as a surprise that we will have setbacks and sorrow.  But God didn't leave us out to dry.  He has equipped us to be warriors not worriers. 

A warrior is a brave solider engaged in warfare. While we are not physically fighting on a battlefield, we are in a war everyday against the evil one. We are literally fighting for our lives and the lives of others.  The enemy came to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) and you can bet your last dollar that he will do any and everything to make your time here on Earth a living hell. 

The good news is that we don't have to go through this war alone or unequipped.  God has instructed us many times in the bible not to fear (ex. Isaiah 41:10, John 14:27, Joshua 1:9).  He has also instructed us not to worry (Matthew 6:34).  So let us take heart and know that our God is a BIG God and He is in control.  If He allowed something to happen, please know that He will provide a way through.  So many times we are so quick to pray away our problems without realizing or appreciating the setback as a setup to something bigger and better. God uses all things for the greater good. (Romans 8:28). 

As soon as you feel the fear creep in, recognize that it is from the evil one.  He has studied us and knows our weaknesses. This is exactly where he will target us.  She's impatient, let's throw every detour down her way.  She's angry, oh this will be fun.  This one here, she's insecure.  Let's fill her head and let her think she's too fat.  Oh and that one, she's got trust issues.  Let's send her some creep to break her heart. All those daily battles we fight in our mind are all from him.  He will attack us in anyway he can.  He is the king of slime balls!  So how do we equip ourselves to fight these battles?  Simple.  Put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-19). 

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of sickness in the heavenly places.  Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.  Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness and having shod your feet with preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, and pray.....Ephesians 6:10-19

We have the strength and power of God but we must activate by devoting ourselves to His word that can only be found in the Bible.  Graduate from devotional to full devotion to God.  Read, memorize and speak the word of God.  Activate His Power. 

Lord, while we do not understand why we are facing what is currently at our feet, we trust that all things work for good.  You have promised beauty for ashes and we will hold onto that.  O' Lord it is not easy. We want to break and become angry and bitter.  But we shall not fall into the evil one's schemes.  We will activate your strength to sustain us through these trails. Lord your love never fails and today we want to thank you for being our rock, our comforter, our healer and most importantly our Savior.  Amen.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

In a world that has become so focused on the outward appearance, it is so hard to maintain or live up the new standard of beauty. There’s a lotion to battle winkles, a workout to cure the flabby tummy, a lipstick that will plump your lips, and under garments to tuck in that extra pound or two.  We buy everything that is advertised in hopes to look younger, prettier or skinnier yet, we don’t focus on the true beauty that lasts forever which is in our heart.

At the beginning of the year I turned 31 years young and I had told myself this was the year I was going to strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman.  What is a Proverbs 31 woman you ask?  Honey, she is errrrythang!  How we vision Beyonce is nothing in comparison to what a Proverbs 31 woman is – it’s on a holy nutha level.  A Proverbs 31 woman is a woman of great faith. She is a virtuous woman who is a great mother, wife, and servant.  She is a steward of finances and she has a great work ethic. She is full of inner beauty that only comes from Christ.  She is not perfect nor does she achieve to be.  Instead she lives a life with purpose, diligence, forgiveness and repentance. 

I don’t know about you but I’ve struggled being a girl in this world.  From a young age, I remember looking in the mirror and not liking myself.  I was too skinny, too dark and too tall.  Where I got this from who knows, but it was my reality.  It was engrained in my head that all my physical attributes were far from beautiful and instead I was filled with insecurities before I even entered puberty. 

As I got older, some insecurities fell off the map, but some stayed near and dear close enough to ruin a great day.  I allowed other people to steal my confidence, by simply believing their comments about myself.  What little confidence I had in myself was completely wiped off from an ex-boyfriend.  I constantly felt inferior to the beauty of other girls.  I was told many times that a man liked a woman with meat on her bones.  I was reminded that I had no shape or curves.  These comments were not made by men, but by females – who were supposed to be my friends.  But I grew out of that after a time of self-discovery.  As I got older, I began to accept myself more and more.  But then I had a baby and the weight piled on, the tummy turned mushy and I was on a road of trying to regain some confidence.  (Oh how we allow so much of this world to affect our minds and our thoughts.)  I was so guilty of that.  I had conformed and allowed the false representation of beauty to be present in my life.  While I may have said or thought different at the time, it was true and I was trying my hardest to live up to that standard.  When you aim for perfection, you get shot down real fast.  I kept chasing it and just found myself doing just that – chasing.

When I returned to my first love, I found that accepting yourself in every way was going to be something you could only find through Him.  Joel Osteen once said, “When you are feeling insecure or doubting yourself in any area of your life – repeat out loud, I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” How that verse (Psalm 139:14) got me through my most insecure moments, I can’t even explain. The moment I felt any kind of negative thought about myself, I would repeat that out and I would instantaneously feel better.

The desires to conform to the world have slowly been swept away from me.  However, I must admit, I am still human and I can still feel insecure, not just physically, but in all areas of my life – as a wife, parent, employee, friend, etc.   But God helps.  He says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” - Jeremiah 33:3 

If you are feeling down whether it is with your weight, looks, confidence as a parent or wife, be renewed by knowing that we are His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10).  Hold on to the hope of knowing that we are made in his image (Genesis 1:27) and that God doesn’t look at the outward as the world does, but instead, He looks at the heart.  (1 Samuel 16:7)

God can help you with your confidence.  Reach out and talk to him.  He will comfort you. (2 Corinthians 1:4)

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. – Romans 12:2

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. – Proverbs 31:30

Los Caminos de la Vida/ The Paths of Life

The paths of life are not what I use to imagine.  The paths of life, they are very hard to travel.  They are hard to walk and I can't find a way out.

I use to think that life was different when I was a little boy.  I use to think things were easy.  But I see my mother tired of the work she does for me and my brother.  And now I want to help her.  I want to fight for her until the end. I will fight for her until the day I die. 

This is my father's song.  Every time I hear it, I can't help but think of him.  When this song comes on, my father tends to get emotional.  The lyrics hit home and the memories of the struggles  he experienced pours out of his eyes through tears. 

As a young child, I never experienced or saw the struggles that my father endured to get to where he is.  Dad was just dad - my superhero.  My childhood is filled with great memories of birthday parties, visits to the park, trips to get ice cream and lots of hugs and kisses.  Little did I know that my father never experienced any of that growing up.  He was born in San Luis Potosi, Mexico with not much of anything.  He began working at a very young age to help out his family and did not have the opportunity to get much schooling completed.  You can say all odds were stacked up against him for any attempt of success.  Yet, my father was born with this determination to persevere.  It's in his blood - a gift from God.

He was determined to chase after the dream of going to work in the United States in order to make enough money to send to his mother.  He was just a young teenager when he traveled to California.  One of the stories I always remember was when he went shopping for the first time.  He wasn't aware of different sizes, he just bought whatever was available.  He ended up coming home with his clothing that fit him way to big.  Some people might be baffled by that, but my dad didn't know about sizes or much about clothes in general.  In Mexico, he wore a cloth around his torso to cover himself.  It resembled a skirt - it was all he had. 

He returned to Mexico, but later made his way back to the United States.  This time he went to Texas and found a job in Dallas as a dishwasher.  All he did was work.  When payday came, money was sent to his mother immediately.  He worked essentially for her.  Mothers are cherished in the Mexican culture and my father kept that strong as he constantly worked harder each day to have the privilege to share his earnings with her. 

My father later met and married my mother.  She helped him learn English, taught him how to drive and they both helped each other grow in many areas of their lives.  My parents began attending a church when I was very young.  I thank God for the foundation they provided for my sister and I.  Proverbs 22:6 "Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." God was always front and center of our lives.  Even though I had strayed in my early twenties, God had a beautiful way of bringing us all back to our first love.

I am very proud of my father.  If it wasn't for him and his determination and courage for a better life, I don't even know how my life would have turned out. He literally did it Drake style "started from the bottom". 

It really amazes me when I think about.  To know that a man that came from literally nothing, turned his life into a success story.  That makes me happy to the point of tears.  It is because he chased after his American Dream, I am now able to live mine.  I don't ever want to take that for granted. It is people like him, who we see everyday, but we overlook either because their job isn't "important" or of high level, that should be applauded for their determination and hard work ethic to light a pathway for future generations.

Aside from his hard work ethic, my dad has such a loving heart.  A heart full of generosity that can at times be taken for granted, but ultimately the good Lord sees his heart and always blesses him tenfold of what is not paid back to him. He sacrifices so much to provide a better life for his family.  He started a business with no schooling, managed to pay off his house and cars with his ability to save and take care of his money. I could go on and on about my father.  There is no end to his strength and his wisdom. 

I didn't want to go through life without my father knowing how much I love him, admire him and thank him for what he has done through his life for me and for others.  He works Monday through Saturday and still manages to be one of the first volunteers at church on Sundays.  He makes me proud.  So proud. 

Dad, thank you for everything.  I mean it from the bottom of my heart.  All the hard work, all the times you did without just so you could help me or others, I cherish that.  I am so proud of you for not being scared or intimated of this giant world.  You have been an exceptional father - a man I am proud of.  Thank you for providing me with a great childhood.  I know you never got hugs or kisses from your parents, much less an "I love you", yet you poured that into my life.  You took the road less traveled and that has made all the difference in my life and the lives of my children and so on.  I pray God continues to protect and guard you all the days of your life.  I want you to know that I love you so very much and I plan to make it my life mission to be a reflection of you. 

Happy Birthday!

Love always,
Vickie

Kill em' with kindness

First let me start off that I am a huge Selena Gomez fan.  I’ve followed her since her show on Disney “Wizards of Waverly Place”.  It might be sad to say I was already in my twenties when I started watching, but I would DVR the show and watch it with my daughter (even though she was too little to pay attention).  I have followed Selena through her career and have enjoyed seeing her stay classy – a road less traveled these days. She has this elegance to her that just exudes positivity and innocence.

I was ecstatic to know she had a new album coming out and loved the message she wanted to embody through her lyrics.  The new album just came out on Friday, October 9^th and listening to it reminded me of the days when you anticipated the release day of an album, went to the store, brought it home, popped the CD in the stereo and spent hours just reading the lyrics.  I haven’t felt that way about a particular album in a while and perhaps it is the teenage girl in me that wants to relive that time. 

Two of my favorite songs on the album are Revival – a song with a catchy beat but filled with strength and motivation.  The second song is Kill Em with Kindness.  I. Love. This. Song.

“Every day a small piece of you dies, always somebody you’re willing to fight, to be right. “ – Kill Em with Kindness, Selena Gomez

Think about it.  How many times have we fought a battle to prove ourselves right, failed miserably and then felt like crud?

I’ll be the first to raise my hand. 

I get encouraged when I read versus such as John 13:35-35 and Peter 4:8 that instruct us on how God wants us to love one another and bear with one another.  Yet, the moment someone is rude or unpleasant, you know that not so pleasant side of us wants to come out.  It’s hard.  I get it.  It’s hard to be nice to someone when they’ve wronged you.  It’s difficult to be nice when people constantly mistake your kindness for weakness.  We build a wall around us that makes us unapproachable, negative and just as nasty as the people we dislike. 

We need to remember that when we give in and reproduce the negative actions back out into the world – we don’t win the fight, in fact the person we least like, the devil, wins.  He loves it when we’re mean.  He has a sneaky way of wheedling into our lives and using our actions/words to spread his darkness in this world without us even realizing it.

No war in anger has ever been won, so choose love.  Choose to be friendly.  Choose to spread light into this dark world.  Choose to take the road less traveled. 

Today, I leave you with this amazing verse that I have put front and center of me this week.  I challenge you to mediate on this verse and ask God to intervene with his love through you over the next week.   He has a wonderful way of sending you reminders just when you need them.

Ephesians 4:2 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

“Put out the fire before igniting next time you’re fighting and kill em’ with kindness….”

Gentlewoman, Misti Irvin

There is this amazing song that my church plays at church called “You Are God”.  It is quite the song. Every time it comes on, it moves me to tears and I can’t help but get immersed in the lyrics because it does a great job of describing how big of a God we have. As I am typing these words, the lyrics are playing and I can’t help but find it fitting for my next Gentlewoman’s story.

Life can be beautiful, but it can also be quite tragic.  When tough times come, we have two options. (1) try and deal with it yourself and fail miserably or (2) call out to Him, and place the battle in his hands.  God has this wonderful way of working all things for good.  How?  Good question.  God is God and He can do immeasurably more than we can ever fathom or imagine.  He pours this peace into our lives that takes the burden of the situation and He powers us up with His strength to sustain us through any difficulty. And then he uses what was meant for our harm for greater good.  Lessons on lessons resulting in blessings on blessings on blessings. 

I am excited to introduce you to gentlewoman, Misti Irvin.  She is a beautiful soul that carries a light around her everywhere she goes.  I’m so glad to know her and I’m so happy I get to share her with you today.

 

For those people who don’t know you, can you share a little bit about yourself?

I am a 40 year old mother of two. I have been married for seven years to my amazing husband Jason. We have two girls, ages three and five. I love the outdoors and nature and I have a passion for animals. (Once, I almost went to Africa to volunteer with a baboon sanctuary, but then found out I was pregnant with my first child, so that halted that dream…for now at least!) I have been attending Fellowship Church for 15 years and serving at the downtown location for two years. I adore my friends and keep my friendships very close to my heart. And I hate black olives :0)

 

This is a special month because October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  This hits home for you because you are a survivor.  If you wouldn’t mind, can you share your story with my readers about that day your found out you were diagnosed with breast cancer?

Sure! In February of 2013, my mother in law called us to tell us that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I thought to myself, “Man, it’s been awhile since I have done a self breast exam.” The next day in the shower I did one and felt something strange. It wasn’t like what they tell you it will feel like (it wasn’t like rice or marbles or a peas…it was more like my pinkie finger was sitting in my breast). I didn’t think much of it because I don’t have any family history of breast cancer. I called my OB/GYN the next day and they got me in immediately. Even then, my physician at the time was very reassuring (I was a 37 year old woman who had just finished breast feeding my second child just 4 months before), telling me it didn’t’ feel like cancer but he was sending me for a mammogram and ultrasound to be sure. I went to get my mammogram the next day and it came back clear-no cancer! So then I was off for my ultrasound…where they found two masses. At this point they couldn’t tell if they were cancerous, only that they were solid masses. Again, I wasn’t really worried. I do happen to have a family history of fibro adenomas (benign masses) and thought surely that is what this was. Two days later I went in for my core needle biopsy and that day, as I lay there getting my biopsy done, tears were running down my face. The physician asked me if she was hurting me, I replied no, that I was just scared…scared of cancer. That is when the physician, who was around my age, looked at me and told me “I’m worried for you too.” I knew then, that there was no way this doctor was going to tell me that if she wasn’t 110% sure that what she had just extracted from my breast was cancer. I literally couldn’t stand up afterward. I just crumpled to the floor in the room after they left. I walked out into the waiting room where my husband was waiting and then grabbed his hand and walked out the door, turned the corner and slid down the wall…complete disbelief and fear.

Going through any kind of illness, I am sure it can either break or build one’s faith.  How do you feel your faith played a part in your journey of recovery?

My faith was my saving grace – literally! All I can say about that time, and even now, is that it was a God thing. I never once questioned “why me” or got angry with God. I was scared and unsure, but never with Him. If anything, I feel thankful to Him for making me do that BSE when I did that led to me finding my cancer early enough that I could treat the cancer. I honestly feel grateful to Him. I firmly believe that it was His design for my dear mother in law to be diagnosed before me so that I could find mine. I tell her all the time she’s one of my angels.

I had so few choices, but my attitude and my faith was all I had. I choose to trust Him and His path for me and my family. I still deal with fear, but I am also learning to ask for prayers from others when I need them and also to ALWAYS reach out to Him.

 

 

I remember this one day – it was right around this time last year, in fact it was on your birthday.  Your husband was leading prayer for the volunteers in the worship center before service started and he said this beautiful prayer for you.  I didn’t know you or him very well at the time, but his prayer moved me to tears.  The words just flowed and flowed and I had honestly never heard a more beautiful prayer about one’s spouse before.  At the time, I also didn’t know that you had been diagnosed with breast cancer and I knew nothing of what you, your family or your marriage had endured.  That prayer will live with me forever because it was that special and moving.  To think back now on everything you and your husband experienced during your battle, what is one (or more) thing(s) that you would like to share with my readers on the beauty of light in the darkness?

2Cor 12:9 says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” This was one verse that got both my husband and I though this very scary time. We also made the decision to start serving at church. I had been attending FC for many years, but never got plugged in. I am telling you, after I completed chemo and was back on a regular schedule, there was NOTHING that did more for me than serving. As much as I hate cancer and I wish it had never happened to me, I wouldn’t trade the blessings that have come my way for anything. I also learned that cancer didn’t just happen to me. It happened to everyone I touched; my parents, spouse, kids, friends, siblings, literally everyone. There is a guilt that comes along with that. Although I didn’t choose cancer, the fact that I was making so many people have to go through so much because of me, it was awful for a while. But I finally realized that God has a plan for me and it’s bigger than cancer. He takes away the guilt and the sadness and helped me to see only the amazing gifts I was receiving because of this terrible cancer. Today is so much better in so many ways.

I also remember a sermon where Greg Rohlinger said “If you’re going through hell, don’t stop! Keep going.” That was very poignant for me at the time and even to this day.

 

 

How has church played a part in not only your life, but in your family’s life?

Well I touched on it earlier, but it’s played such a large role. From serving and now leading the worship center team, to the friendships I’ve made through Flavour and the wonderful ways I get to see and be a part of how God is changing so many lives. It just enriches us in ways we never would have dreamed of three years ago. Also, knowing that my little girls have a faith stronghold in their lives is extremely important to me.  I want them to grow up seeing that God is good and kind and faithful and that they can do anything and fight anything as long as they put their trust in Him.

 

 

I have to say that you are by far one of the sweetest, nicest and one of the most beautiful souls that I’ve ever met.  You always carry this peace with you and your light shines bright.  How has your relationship with God helped you through the dark times and the bright times?

Oh my gosh, that is such a high compliment coming from you. I would say the same thing about you! But to be honest, again, for me, that’s a God thing. He has placed in my wonderful feelings that I can do all things through Him and a feeling that my story is bigger than cancer. I want to help save peoples lives, both physically and spiritually. If someone can hear my testimony and feel like there is hope where none was before, then I feel like His glory is being lived out through me. That’s really all I want. I’ve had to tell myself that if I can help one person, then all this is worth it.

 

What is your favorite bible verse?  What does this verse mean to you?

Jeremiah 1:5. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…”

This spoke to me so much when I was going through cancer. It reminded me that He knew what He was doing with me. That I am special and that I am a child of God and that I deserve to have a plan too.

 

Who inspires you and why?

My dear friend Shelia Prophit. She lives in Baton Rouge and is the mother of a friend of mine. She is my other angel. She is a 13 year breast cancer survivor. When I was first diagnosed and scared out of my mind, she reached out to me and I had never even met her. She was a light in the darkness and is such an amazing woman of God. I know our paths were destined to cross and my life will never be the same having her in it. She is compassionate and prayerful. She is strong and also a very grateful woman whose love knows no end.  She reminds me when I need it (which is often!) that fear is not a thing of God, it’s got no place here. She reminds me that life can be amazing and that sometimes our answers to our prayers aren’t what were hoping for, but that they are HIS plan and that’s what faith is all about.

 

What do you think women in our generation need to hear?

That they need to simplify. It is so easy to go and do and never say no. But really, it’s just about my kids and my husband and my friends. The things I really need and want are the same. Put your phone down when your kid is performing in a school play. Aside from the video you will post on Facebook, you won’t watch it again most likely. But actually SEEING your child’s smile (not though the view of your iPhone) is what life is designed for, at least in my book.

 

What are you most proud of?

My kids. And the way this cancer diagnosis has led me to a more fulfilling life with Christ. My relationship with Him is solid and I feel so blessed. 

 

#16 McKinley - I love my mom because......

 

Pray So Hard

Sometimes God answers our prayers immediately, sometime it takes a while, other times he doesn’t answer at all – or at least in the way we were hoping for.  I use to see prayer as a last resort – horrible, I know.  Through this journey I’ve been on God has shown me that prayer should be the first thing I do.  Don’t call all your girlfriends and vent, don’t start text messaging and surely don’t try and analyze things on your own.  What a timesaver that became and a good way to let go and let God.

After watching the movie War Room I felt super convicted.  I came home and realized the journal I had used this year had ended with an entry from when I got my new job.  The following page was blank.  I read the journal which began January 2015 through July 2015 and found myself sobbing. Through reading my prayer journal, I saw how God had answered my prayers and how He got me through such a rough time.  He used the situation to help me grow and after the lesson was learned and my character was sharpened, He answered the prayer and propelled me to where He wanted me to be. The realization had kicked in and in many ways I saw how I got what I wanted and then bounced so quickly.

That day I committed myself to staying consistent in prayer, consistent in my relationship with God and dedicating the rest of the journal to prayer not just for me and my problems but for those around me. I became inspired by the movie and created my own prayer board, gratitude board and answered prayer jar. 

I got my supplies from Etsy and Michaels and quickly turned into Ms. DIY!

Having this front and center of not only my eyes, but my family’s eyes has been pretty amazing.  We all write our prayer requests and stick the notes on there.  When I go back and reflect, I take down the ones that have been answered and put them in my answered prayer jar. 

If you want to make your own prayer wall, check out the links below for supply information.

Answered Prayer Jar – As prayers are answered, drop them in the container so that you can go through them and be encouraged as you’re reminded of all that God has done through your prayer. **Collect the prayers throughout the year, and when you gather for New Year’s Eve, you will enjoy seeing all that was done that year!

Prayer Board – The ideas are endless.  You can use this to write down your favorite verses, list out your prayers either by dry erase board, chalk board or post its.  I use pins to post mine!

Gratitude Board – Another board with endless ideas.  List out verses, post pictures, items such as a receipt to that new car you’ve been praying for, a doctor’s report clearing you of illness, your first check stub at the new job you were praying for, etc.  

Seventy times Seven

Peter asked the Lord, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?  Up to seven times?” Jesus responded by saying we are to forgive “seventy times seven”.  (Matthrew 18: 21-22)

What does this mean? 

Jesus says we should forgive four hundred and ninety times.  That sure is a lot.  I’m thinking, really God – I should forgive a person that many times?  The answer is no, not quite. While Jesus’ response was seventy times seven, his answer was used as a way to tell Peter to go above and beyond with forgiveness with no limitations. We should forgive no matter the amount of the weight of the wrong.  We should just forgive. In Ephesians 4:32, Paul tells us that we should forgive one another, “just as God has forgiven us.”

Yesterday morning I came to work and was surprised at how many emails I had in my inbox from the weekend.  As I started to scheme through, there in bright blue letters was the punch in the gut “CareerBuilder Job Application: HR Generalist”.  Excuse me?? 

So most of you are wondering, “Why would this upset you?”  Well, I am starting a new job next Monday.  A big reason for my departure was lack of advancement within my current company.  My boss had been throwing these “promises” to me saying that as soon as the company grew then she would be able to move me into a higher position.  Ding, ding, ding, ding – you guessed it, the HR Generalist position.  Waiting and waiting for that opportunity had my endurance run dry, along with some issues on the lack of direction/guidance my boss had given me.  This past year I finally made my concerns arise, and again I was promised the same story.  There wasn’t enough in the budget she said.  We’re not growing right now, but as soon as we do, we will put you in that position she said.  This year we have lost 19 properties…………..but now that I am leaving somehow the budget expanded and even though we were getting smaller, the opportunity was there.

I’ve given this company six years of dedication.  I took iniative.  I came to work on time every day.  I went above and beyond what was expected, but yet here I was staring at the computer feeling as if I had just been given a punch in the stomach. 

I’ll tell you this much, I wasn’t that surprised, in fact I was expecting this.  I had already put two and two together and figured that my boss would pull a slimeball move like this.  I paused for a moment and felt the anger creeping in along with the feelings of hurt.  I ended up concluding that while this hurt, the decision to leave was confirmed for me. I was thrilled to no longer work for someone who lacked certain character and moral qualities. 

The funny thing was that I wasn’t supposed to know.  Someone accidentally forgot to update the receiving person’s email and in doing so left my email address which is why my box was now inudated with resumes.  It’s hard to stay calm in a situation like this.  It’s hard not to feel betrayed.  I couldn’t understand. 

Stay calm, cool and collected was repeated over and over in my head.  Dear Lord, help me.  Help me get through this.   What does the Lord tell us during times of unfairness?  What does he say when someone does us wrong?  Forgive.  Let it go.  I will fight your battle, I will right your wrongs.  I just told my friend this morning, “Ugh, why does Jesus gotta be so nice?”  It’s hard to act like Him, when we’ve been wronged.  All I wanted to do is be mad, but that’s not the answer. 

I don’t know why God is having me go through this.  All I can conclude is that by prayer and petition, He opened door and he saved me from years of unhappiness at this job.  While it hurt to see the true colors of my superior, it helped me rest assured that I made the right decision to leave.  I’ve had to readjust my thinking to the positive and stray from the negative.  You see instead of focusing on the excitement of my new job, I began to dwell on the wrongs that had been done to me at my job.  “No, no, no”, God said.  Let that go and let me help you get through the day.”  I’ve been having a hard time though.  Some moments I feel completely at peace, while others I find myself sulking on feelings of hurt and anger.  Being a Christian woman is not easy.  My flesh says “get even” while my spirtual heart says “forgive and let it go”.  It’s been a battle, believe me.  Even now, I’m still working on staying in my positive lane.  Sometimes it is easy to forgive and forget, but other times, it is a process and so far it has been that way for me.   

Romans 8:28 is one of my favorite verses, “And we know that all things work for good for those that believe….”  Stay focused on God’s word.  Remember He will right your wrongs.  Things may seem unfair now, but God has the last word.  Do right no matter what. 

Yesterday on my way home, God placed the perfect song to come on.  If you are facing any hardship through an unfair circumstance I hope this song provides you with some peace.

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them 'Cause I feel like the one losin'