Gentlewoman, Priscilla Gonzalez

I’m excited to introduce you to my next Gentlewoman, Priscilla Gonzalez.  I met Priscilla earlier this year at my church’s women’s group, Flavour Sisterhood.  A month or two ago, we became friends on Facebook and I found out that Priscilla had lost her oldest son, Fabian in a car accident last year.  Knowing that she had lost a son really shocked me because if you know Priscilla you will know that this woman wears a constant smile on her face.  She is devoted to church and you can see her and her family there every Sunday.  She shows no sign of defeat; in fact, she exudes this strength in her presence.  Priscilla exemplifies the true meaning of being a Christian in my eyes.  Her faith cannot be shaken.  I am so proud to call her a friend and I am honored to call her a sister.

Just this week I received a daily devotional from Greg Laurie.  The subject line read, “Trusting in the Dark Times”.  After I read the email, I knew this would be a great intro to Priscilla’s GW blog post.  I loved it so much I wanted to share with you all.

 God wants us to experience joy as believers—not a fickle happiness that depends on circumstances or changes with the wind direction, but a joy that remains in spite of what may be taking place around you.

Anyone can be relatively happy when things are going well. But when you face adversity or sickness or hardship and then rejoice, you show that something supernatural has occurred in your life. In fact, you show yourself to be a real Christian. This is a unique trait of believers—that we can rejoice when things go wrong.

How do we do it? We find the key in Philippians 4:4: "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!" Paul didn't say to rejoice in circumstances. Rather, he said to rejoice in the Lord. In other words, God is still on the throne. You're still going to heaven. You're still forgiven. God still has a plan for your life; He has not abandoned you. We need to take joy in the Lord always. That is the key. I recognize that in spite of what I may be going through right now, His plans for me are still good. And He will never leave or forsake me.

Priscilla Gonzalez

For those people who don’t you, can you tell me a little bit about yourself?

I’m Priscilla Gonzalez, married with three children.  My husband is my high school sweetheart and our children are our greatest accomplishment. We have a son that recently passed from this life to be with our Savior.

Losing a child has to be one of the hardest difficulties to endure. I cannot even begin to fathom the pain, loss, and never ending void that comes along with it.  Can you tell my readers what exactly happened on that fateful Friday night in 2013?

Fabian met his maker in April 2013 and our lives have not been the same since. He was speeding trying to meet his curfew and lost control of the vehicle.

When I found out that you were a mother who had lost her son, honestly, I was completely shocked.  You had been a part of my Flavour bible study group and never once brought it up.  You have always had this smile on your face and never looked like a woman that was defeated.  How were you able to stand, and continue to stand with an invisible armor while still grieving the loss of your son?

I take it day by day, sometimes minute by minute. God renews my strength each day, it’s nothing that I’ve done or can do but it’s what He can do through me. Christ has truly covered me with a blanket of peace, protection and hope.

Sometimes we don’t realize what we have until it’s too late.  What advice do you have for all the parents out there who get caught up in the struggle of raising and disciplining their kids versus enjoying and cherishing their kids in the present moment?

I would say that parents have to truly have a heart for raising their children. I mean be intentional about being available to them. Being a good parent is hard work especially when you add a full-time job, cooking, cleaning, and all the other chores, it gets exhausting. But our children need us; they thrive on our attention and approval. We have to keep in mind that they are a gift from God and should be treated as such.

I truly believe that all things work for good for those who believe.  Looking back on this past year, what has been the light in the darkness?

Involvement in our church and love for others has been ignited within us. We have seen Fabian’s friends attend church and worship with us. Our family fully grasps that life is fragile and our days are numbered so we choose to not focus on the petty things in life. The love I have for my husband is so deep and genuine. Of course I would have rather those things come about a different way but I can accept that all we have gone through and continue to go through is God’s perfect will for our lives.  I know that if we keep our faith in Christ we will be reunited with Fabian again. I have hope.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

You know sometimes advice is not spoken to you directly but indirectly through someone’s actions. My mother has always prayed for her children. So I take that unspoken advice and pray for my children without ceasing. I remember my mother dropping me off at school and I could hear her praying for me under her breath. I was a teenager with a son which tells you I was not the perfect daughter but my mother didn’t care she kept on praying for me and I believe that made all the difference in my life.

What are your dreams?

My hope is to raise kingdom children and my dream is to be reunited with Fabian. I long for the days when my family can be whole again.

Who inspires you and why?

My pastor Ed Young and his wife Lisa Young inspire me to have a thriving marriage and to put my husband before my children (which is hard for me to do sometimes). They also inspire me to serve because if I’m not serving I’m swerving…my Fellowship Church family will get that ;)

Pastor Tony Evans inspires me to raise my children with a purpose and to have a kingdom agenda mind-set.

What do you think women in our generation need to hear?

I would like to see women make the most of their current situation. Lots of times we blame others for things that have happened to us but when you have hope in Jesus Christ you can lay all your burdens at his feet and he will carry the load for you. Sit back, evaluate your situation and refocus on what truly matters.

What are you most proud of?

I’m most proud of how our family came together to help raise Fabian. You know the saying it takes a village to raise a child, well that’s true in this case. We didn’t know what we were doing as teen parents but with our family’s help we raised a respectful, ambitious, and intelligent young man. Now with those skills that we learned we will raise our other children the same way.

Choose Not To Suffer

I went to yoga class the other night and while in the savasana pose (otherwise known as the corpse/dead man’s pose), our teacher began talking to us about suffering.  He mentioned he had heard something the other day that gave him a new perspective .  “We allow ourselves to suffer, whether it’s physically, mentally or internal.  Think about it.  Sometimes we over think too much and we focus too much on the problem.  We create the suffering.”   As I was lying there, I started thinking about what he said and I couldn’t help but question it.  I was flip flopping – part of me understood what he was saying, but the other part of me started thinking, well no, suffering is inevitable in this world.  We don’t always create the suffering.

When class was over and I got in my car, the first song that came on was “Hope in Front of Me” by  Danny Gokey.  This song is about reaching rock bottom and pulling though. Danny wrote this song about the darkness that entered his life right before a pivotal moment in his life. Just four weeks before he auditioned for American Idol, Danny’s wife died from complications during a routine surgery for congenital heart disease.  His wife, Sophia Martinez, was his high school sweetheart.  They were married for 4 years and together for 12.   Can you imagine the devastation?  Danny was able to honor his wife by pursuing the dream she had envisioned for him by competing on American Idol and advancing to the final three before being eliminated. Through this time period, Danny was able to keep hope in front of him because of his unshakable faith.  There are many people who have lost loved ones, experienced tremendous heartbreak and are able to smile and continue to live their lives because of the strength God has given them to overcome. New beginnings are possible.  You can recover after devastating loss.  

I can speak from experience as I look back on my life.  God was always the one I leaned on during the many hardships in my life.  Many of you that have read my blog know that losing my brother was a very difficult time for both me and my family.  Before we lost him, he was continuously in and out of the hospital for a year.  It was torture to see someone you love with breathing tubes and their arms restrained to a hospital bed, but that year God wrapped his arms around me and gave me a peace like no other.  As I was listening to this song and all these thoughts circled, I thought of my friend Priscilla who lost her son in a car accident and how she is able to stand so strong despite the continuous heartache that she has.   Suffering can be momentary, if you allow it.

And so, we can’t control the pain or the hardship from presenting itself and yes, there is suffering, but the key is not to stay planted in the suffering for long.  Choose not to suffer. 

The only way I know how is by leaning on the strength of our creator.  

No matter how bad it gets, you'll be alright.  There is hope in front of you. 

 

Present Suffering and Future Glory Romans 18 – 28

18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. 

22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to son ship, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 

26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

Two are better than one

“Romantic love, it’s so sugar sweet.  It comes and goes.  You wanna know what love is about?  Give it when you feel nothing.”

This Saturday marks the 6^th wedding anniversary for my husband and I.  Today, as I look back on our years of marriage, I can’t help but think, if I knew then that marriage wasn’t like the movies, would I have been as excited to take the next step? If I were to look out at the troubled waters, would I have been so quick to jump in without a life jacket?

You never know how hard something is going to be until you take the plunge….parenting, college, career – everything we do in life  (that matters) takes time, sacrifice and work.  My outlook on marriage as a newlywed was simply thinking it would be so easy.  As long as you love each other, what troubles could really prevent you from having a successful marriage?  I didn’t understand why people got divorced, why people cheated on their spouses or why so many couples became roommates.  I ended up learning gradually that the excitement dwindles rather quickly. Children take over, finances become the root of most arguments, and the change from being single to married is a BIG adjustment for both the man and woman.  I would have to say that when my husband and I got married, we had more single friends than married friends.  I’m not saying married couples can’t have single friends, but we were on a different planet from our single friends.  We had children, they didn’t.  We couldn’t just get up and go and do the things that our friends were doing.  We did our best to keep up, but it became stressful financially, and took a toll on us as parents.  We went out a lot, spent money foolishly on nights we can’t remember and woke up exhausted the following morning with no energy for our children.  We had this vision to not become this married couple that couldn’t have fun, but we were taking the wrong approach.  Most of those nights we had a blast, but some nights the drinking would cause arguments.  Somewhere in those first two years, we had lost focus.  Marriage became mundane and even though we loved each other, things had changed. We were arguing over petty things and not honoring each other on the level we were created for. 

Our first years of marriage did not include any form of a relationship with God and if I look back I can tell you that was the missing piece.  Some of you may roll your eyes and think, oh here she goes bringing up the Jesus stuff, but I am not bringing it up just to bring it up -  this is my truth.  I knew I wanted to bring up my daughter in church and let her know about our creator, but when you go out on weekends, you really don’t wake up on Sunday mornings with the vitality to go to church.  That was my excuse all that time.  It was about this time 3 years ago that my husband and I planned a trip to Houston, Texas and we decided to visit Lakewood Church.  Chris knew I loved watching Joel Osteen on TV and he asked me if I wanted to go.  I think back to that day and I get chills because I know that was the catalyst moment in which our lives were forever changed.   We got up that morning and made our way to Lakewood Church and I am not exaggerating when I say that when we both went inside, we immediately felt the tears fill our eyes and a feeling of comfort take over.  The experience was amazing and when the offer to go up and have a church member pray for you presented itself, we got out of our seats and made our way to the front.  I remember the pastor asking what our prayer request was and as I opened my mouth to speak, the words couldn’t come out. I was crying and I didn’t know why.  Through my cracked voice, I asked him to pray for our marriage.  I don’t remember what he said, but that prayer was needed and our marriage has never been the same.  We didn’t immediately go from 0 – 100, but the steps to restore the honor for each other changed day by day and eventually we were back on the yellow brick road that would lead us to the new chapter in our marriage.

Perfection is not realistic.  Marriage is work.  It’s hard work.  It starts off easy, but through the years, it can easily become rocky.  I look back now and I think, how could I think it was easy?  If anything, I should have been thinking how could it not be hard.  Statistics show that 50% of all American marriages end in divorce.  So basically, we all a 50/50 chance.  That’s crazy! 

Chris and I are so lucky to be part of a church that has helped our marriage grow.  We have become friends with so many couples who are like us – fighting against the enemy to keep our marriage alive.  I am so proud to be part of a church that encourages dating your mate, speaking about marriage and family and having so many avenues to help.  Our marriage is far from perfect, we still argue every now and then, we get mad, we have hardships, but it’s not like before.  I am proud of far we have come and I’m proud that we look at each other as team.  “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.  But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

 

To my husband: 

I see all the troubled waters.  I’d jump in anyway.   

Love, Your rib

Thorn in my flesh

Everyone has a bad day, but a bad week?  It's Thursday night and I'm home alone with my mind racing around with all the events that occurred this week.  I'm victim of bad days but having consecutive days filled with irritation and setbacks is foreign to me.

It's actually been an interesting month.  I touched briefly about my battle with anxiety, but I haven't expressed how it truly affects me.  Anxiety runs in my family and unfortunately, I have it.  It appeared about 4 years ago and it started with feelings of nervousness and heart palpitations.  I didn't know that it was anxiety at the time and to tell you the truth, I've never gone to the doctor and been "officially" diagnosed.  I just sort of knew because I was familiar with my mother's anxiety and figured that's what I had. Anxiety is brought on by stress.  This month I had a bad episode that seemed to last the entire month.  I have started running again (took about 7 months off - why?  I don't know), which helps me stay stress free.  Endorphins are the bomb and keep me calm.  But it seems that running was not helping.  I have prayed and prayed for this anxiety to be gone, but unfortunately, my prayers have not been answered.  In fact, this morning, God spoke to me with a verse from my Jesus Calling, "To keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:7-9.

So basically I'm stuck with this "thorn" and while I'm not happy about it - I have come to grips that this is the hand I've been dealt with and I need to make the best of it.  Any maybe just maybe, I can help someone with this simple blog post. 

For the longest I felt defected because I had this problem.  I kept it private because I didn't want to showcase my flaw.  Anxiety has been the biggest "thorn" that I have had to deal with because I can't control it and if anyone really knows me, you would know that I'm miss control freak.  I'm super OCD, super organized - don't knock me off my schedule.  Yep, I'm "that" girl.  I have refused to take medication for anxiety for personal reasons.  I just don't want to get addicted and to be quite honest, I'm not big on medicine.  I mean, I'll take it, but I try to  avoid it until I really need it.  That's just me.  Going natural seems easy - they say exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep, take deep breaths, etc.  Easier said than done. Sigh.

So......... I started running, making it a priority to get out and watch the sunset at the lake, taking fish oil and Vitamin B supplements, no caffeine (so bye bye White Rockers), and I've decided to start meditation and go back to Yoga. 

This "thorn" may be with me, but I'm not gonna let it get the best of me.  Just as Paul dealt with his thorn, I know that through my weakness God's power is made perfect and whatever God's will is for me, I will lean on his understanding and not my own - which has been difficult.

I heard something on the radio the other day, "God is with you all the time.  In the bad, and the good.  He knows what you are going through.  He is there.". That was very comforting.  I know that walking in the light of the Lord has made my life more joyous, but it is still difficult to deal with the lows of life.  What I know is that we are all dealing with a battle. 

I have a favorite quote by Friday Kahlo, "I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do.  I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too.  Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it's true I'm here, and I'm just as strange as you."

That quote sums up this blog post.  I'm here dealing with this anxiety and I know there are others out there dealing with it as well.  I'm here.  I'm dealing with it.  I don't understand it.  I don't like it.  But hopefully by becoming open with it, I can find healing and maybe I can make someone feel like they are not alone.

You only have one heart - take care of it.

It’s been over a year now that my brother went to be with the Lord.  If you’ve read his story, you will know that he was born with hole in his heart and suffered from heart related issues since he was a baby.  Heart disease eventually became the sickness that took his life away.  To honor my brother, I made it a responsibility to educate myself and others about the #1 killer in both men and women around the world. 

In my attempt to spread the news, I wanted to share with you fellow Gentlewoman, Alex Ramirez’s story.    Who would think at 25 years old, a young woman would be dealing with heart conditions?  I’m sure she didn’t, but luckily for Alex she was able to get checked before things got worse. 

What type of heart condition are you currently dealing with?  I have been dealing with Supraventricular Tachycardia (SVT) for the past 5 years.  I’m sure I have had it since I was a teenager, I just didn’t know the symptoms were anything to be concerned about.  At that age, I would dismiss the symptoms all the time. 

Can you tell me a little bit more about what Supraventricular Tachycardia (SVT) is? Supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) means that from time to time my heart beats very fast for a reason other than exercise, high fever, or stress.  During an episode of SVT, the heart’s electrical system doesn’t work right, causing the heart to beat very fast.  The heart beats at least 100 beats a minute and may reach 300 beats a minute.  It’s like driving your car at 100mph every day, all day.  Of course it will eventually take its course and damage the motor – similar to my heart.  I need to slow down in order to not damage it.  SVT makes me very tired and fatigued along with other side effects such as angina (chest pain), palpitations and occasional fainting.   My mother and sisters suffer from SVT as well.  I’ve also had 3 aunts die from sudden heart related issues.

When did you start noticing symptoms or realize you needed to go to the doctor?  My initial first ER experience due to SVT occurred back in 2008 while I was at work.  I was sitting at my desk feeling sick for three days straight with chest pain and tightness.  My heart rate was at 180 which is pretty high for just sitting.  Thankfully, my friend told my boss who was a surgeon and they rushed me to the ER and did all the necessary testing.  By the grace of God, I didn’t end up having a full blown heart attack.

How are you currently dealing with the condition? (Medications, diet change, etc)  I take Coreg 40 mg twice a day.  I don’t ever miss a dose or I will regret it.  I will definitely get sick.  I stay out of direct sunlight or sun exposure because that puts extra pressure on your heart.  No caffeine, keep stress to a minimum – although that’s almost impossible now in life. No haunted houses or rides at Six Flags.

What advice can you give to my readers regarding heart conditions and getting themselves checked out? Best advice I can give anyone who wants it is - don’t wait until tomorrow to get a check up or see a doctor.  If you have concerns about anything like chest tightness, or even if you have asthma, which I do (and is what I blamed all my symptoms on), don’t hesitate to see a PCP or a Cardiologist.  Chest pain/tightness, shortness of breath, numbness in your hands or arms, family history of high blood pressure/heart disease/heart attack/strokes, these are all reasons to go see a doctor as soon as you can.  All the “what ifs” can be answered by getting a check up before it’s too late.

God works in mysterious ways.  I now work for a Cardiologist and I’ve learned so much.  You only have one heart and you need to take care of it. It is better to be safe than sorry.  I work for North Texas Heart Center at Presbyterian. I can give anyone information at anytime.  It would be my pleasure.

If you would like more information regarding SVT, you can visit The Heart Association webpage here.

Also, I have signed up to raise funds and participate in The Heart Walk in Dallas, TX again this year.  I would love if you would join my team and/or make a donation.  (Any amount is appreciated.)  The Heart Walk is FREE to join and will take place September 13^th at 9:00 AM at the Base of Reunion Tower (300 Reunion Boulevard East, Dallas, TX 75207).  The Heart Walk is a three mile noncompetitive event.  I participate in this walk in honor of my brother and for all the people who have lost their lives to heart disease.  I also walk for those who are currently in the battle of making their heart healthy again.

Visit my homepage.

Where have I been?

Well, the answer to where I've been can be summed up in one word: Here.  I've been here, but I've been uninspired in the last few weeks.  I've been in a little hole of pity.  First let me tell you I'm recovering from walking pneumonia.  This sickness took me out for a good two weeks. During this time, I've been tired and weak. I have been thinking about this blog and the lack of attention that I've given it.  Writer's block?  Perhaps.  To tell you the truth, I just didn't make the effort to devote time to writing.  But for me, if I'm not inspired to write, I have nothing to produce, therefore, I will sit down and begin typing, eventually finding myself in front of a blank screen.  In the last week, I've been recovering from walking pneumonia but I also experienced a rollercoaster ride that took me down before it brought me back up.

It started on Monday, I came back to work from a quiet weekend.  Without going into full details of the events that occurred, there were some changes at work that didn't necessarily affect me at first, but eventually did.  Sometimes you feel that things at work suck.  It was one of those weeks.  I found myself overthinking, over analyzing and then there I was in that little hole.  Help! Help! I needed to get out.  I dug the hole and then put myself in there and now I needed to get out.  I was looking at myself thinking "Where is the woman full of inspiration and positivity?". I lost my mojo for a minute.  I sat in the hole for a day or two and then as the week was about to conclude, I was reminded what I stand for. 

Snap out of it Vickie!  Just in that moment, I turned my situation over to God.  That's what he is there for.  And when we don't like what's happening, we lean not on our understanding but on His understanding.  I lost myself for a few days.  I had taken everything that I relay out to you all and threw it down the train.  I had to go back to all the encouraging words and verses that I do stand for that have gotten me through all the various points of my life.  In that moment, I was presented with an idea. 

I can't wait to tell you all what I am about to embark upon - which I will but I have to get a few things together first.

But I wanted to let you know that we all go through little moments that suck, where we feel unmotivated and lost.  You can overcome anything no matter how big or small.  Keep reminding yourself what you stand for, what you want and then go and get it!!! 

Take heart, you are headed to something bigger and better.  Stay encouraged.  If something didn't work out, don't let pity take root.  What was meant for your harm, God will use to your advantage. 

Home Improvement Part II

When my husband and I decided to work on our finances and begin tithing out 10%, we noticed great blessings along the way. Just as we were on this "high" of giving and feeling great about it, our refrigerator broke. Not good. Luckily, we have a spare refrigerator in the garage and we were able to save our recently purchased groceries over to the other refrigerator before they spoiled. This was the second time our refrigerator went out so taking a chance on fixing it again and spending another $300 when we had just fixed it about 6 months prior didn't seem so logical. Would it continue to break on us? My dad suggested we purchase a new one, but that didn't seem fitting as we were working on knocking out our debt. We had some money set aside which we had planned on paying off a credit account at Fry's before our 12 month interest free promotion ended. We ended up paying off the account and decided that while our initial goal was to close the account, if we did the same thing where we paid off the balance before interest kicked in, then we would be OK. While we were looking at the refrigerators, we ended up not only picking a new refrigerator but a new stove, microwave and dishwasher! I was so excited. Unfortunately, we had to wait for our account to post the deposit which would give us the necessary credit allowance to make the big purchase. This turned out to be a long drawn out process that left us with a very bad experience at Fry's. The story is too long to tell and every time my husband relives it, he can't help but get frustrated and annoyed all over again. Let's just say: bad communication, very bad customer service and a lack to make things better. Their loss because our business went elsewhere. During these two weeks where we were getting the "run around" from the staff at Fry's, we became disappointed. At one point it seemed like everything that could go wrong went wrong. But you know we just kept saying "God has something better in store." And what do you know – He did! I know this is just a situation of dealing with bad customer service but I think the power of positivity comes in handy when dealing with any type of situation. We couldn't get down. We knew this would happen for us, we just had to see what God was teaching us through this experience and remain faithful that God would bless us with the ability to get our new appliances.

And we did. What I learned through this experience is that yes God will shower his blessings for following in obedience, but we must remain faithful during those times when we feel taken back. When you remain faithful, God will open doors when man blocks it. So here we are, months later after our decision to follow through with tithing and we are seeing the blessings come to life.

Here are the pictures of our kitchen when we first moved in.

Here are the pictures of the kitchen prior to our new appliances.  You will notice we purchased a new stovetop and ventahood as well as new lighting fixtures and new cabinet handles.  We also removed those doors by the refrigerator and we painted the walls and added mini blinds.

In order to get our kitchen updated, we had to remove some cabinets to make room for the stove.  Thanks to my husband and father in law, we were able to do this on our own without hiring someone to do the job for us.  

And here is our new kitchen. I am so very happy. Just to let you know when we first moved into this house, the kitchen was my least favorite room of the house. I had always wanted a big open kitchen and I ended up with this kitchen that I disliked. Yes, it's still not the big spacious kitchen that I dreamed of, but it has made a big improvement and I'm pretty proud of our little kitchen now.