Gentlewoman, Alex Ramirez

When I had my daughter at the age of 23, I can honestly say, I wasn’t ready. I think even if you think you are ready, you really have no idea what is in store for you when you become a mother.  It’s a 24/7 responsibility that never goes away.  Along with all the joys that motherhood brings, I have to admit, it’s HARD.  Physically, mentally, and financially – a child takes over your world.  Even at the age of 23, it was a learning process and an adjustment.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing, but it’s also very hard.  I wanted to feature my next Gentlewoman of the week for many reasons.  Alex Ramirez had her first born at the tender age of 14.  I’ll never forget the day she told me.  I was in shock.  I couldn’t believe it.  We were just babies. 

Alex had her daughter and remarkably beat so many statistics.  She graduated and she married her baby’s dad.  That doesn’t happen regularly; in fact it’s pretty shocking if it does happen.  15 years later, Alex and her husband have a beautiful family of four and have surpassed so many obstacles that most people don’t experience until they are in their late twenties or thirties. This year her oldest Brittany is 14 years old and entering high school, the same age and school year her mother became pregnant.

For me Alex is such a remarkable Gentlewoman.  She kept her priorities straight and kept her daughter first.  I can’t even imagine how hard it was to have such a large commitment and responsibility at that age, sacrificing parties, fun and friends. Some girls choose abortion, others adoption and some become absentee mothers, but not Alex.  I admire her for sticking through and being a mother, even through the difficulty. If no one has told, you are a great example that you CAN be a mother, finish school and be involved in your child’s life.   Thank you for that!

Interview with Alex Ramirez

1. For those people that don’t know you, can you tell me a little bit about yourself? Wow, where do I start?  I'm that short gal with the loud laugh. What can I say I laugh hard just like I love hard! I'm a devoted mother to my two beautiful daughters, to the end type of wife to my best friend and husband and unconditional love type of daughter to my blessing of parents. I am a devoted sister of six siblings and I love with all my heart to all my family and friends. I do what I say and I'm as blunt as they come though I have learned over the years to keep my straight-forwardness as nice as possible. I'm me and I'm not perfect. I accept it, embrace it and always try to do better.

2. You had your oldest daughter at 14. Can you tell me the biggest struggle you encountered by getting pregnant so young? Yes, I had my baby, Brittany at the age of fourteen years old. I was a baby who had a baby and it has been as hard as you can imagine for Daniel and me. My husband has always stuck by my side since day one. Carrying Brittany for nine months through freshmen year in high school wasn't easy. Obviously the physical aspect was high risk, my body being so tiny at that age; it was a daily painful struggle of not knowing whether I would be able to actually hold her in my arms alive and healthy. The psychological part was even harder for me. I know I had to step up to the plate and do my part to raise a child while being a child myself - that was the hardest.

3. You and your husband Daniel have maintained your relationship for 15 plus years. How did you manage to beat statistics that show teen couples never end up staying together? I still remember the first day I met my husband, in Junior High (sigh). I thought to myself, "What does this foo want and why does he keep bugging me?!" Lmao! What can I say he has been making me laugh since the first day I've met him. Of course we argue, annoy each other, drive each other crazy but no matter what we tough it out. Trust me we've been through some very rough patches in our marriage. We’ve experienced the highs and lows, but we always end up needing one another to be complete.

We grew up together while raising a child, now that's tough! But no matter what happens we have each other to rely on. I honestly can say that if we didn't pray together like we've always done we wouldn't be with each other right now. Yes we promised to love each other till death do us part, but most importantly we both promised to God. That promise we can't and will not break. We love and accept each other as we are.

4. What would you like to tell teenage girls about sex and having kids too young? My advice and what I tell my daughter everyday is this:  I don't sugarcoat anything to my daughter, I tell her even if it makes me a hypocrite by saying not to do what I've already done, sex before marriage is wrong and having a baby when you're not even old enough to vote is wrong. I teach her about virginity and what it means to be pure from the heart and body. Everything in our life has moments for itself and there's no need to hurry what God has planned for us.  There is no need to try to be or act grown when you should be worried about school, college and a career. I've raised my daughters to be kids as long as possible -  responsible of course, but to enjoy their childhood for as long as possible. I tell my daughter to look at my life and learn from it. It’s not easy to have responsibilities as a grown up, much less as a teenager. To the parents: be honest with your teenagers and pre-teens, give them the info they need to make their own right choices, to use common sense because if YOU don't they'll learn it from some other source.

5. After I had Mia, I only had about a handful of girlfriends who I felt could relate to me. The diapers, the unavailability of going out, the strain on finances – to me only other mothers can truly relate to how difficult but joyous the road of motherhood can be. How did you overcome being a mother in high school and being committed to your family without losing yourself and your friendships in the meantime? I had a beautiful little girl while in high school while most of my friends talked about the latest styles of clothing or shoes, etc. I worried about her 24/7 while at school and during practice and drill team games. I worried about her safety - eventually she was in the best hands possible, my mother who pretty much raised her so I can graduate. I guess I can say it was a lonely road for me. I only knew a few other teenage mothers that I could relate to but other than that, I had my wonderful mother to thank for helping me keep my sanity. School was school and I did what I had to do to earn my diploma, but once I got home I was a mother. I didn't have time to be out and about with friends. I was okay with that, it didn't bother me. My parents would occasionally tell my husband and I to go ahead and go out and have some time for ourselves every once in a while but that wasn't something we really cared too much for.

6. What is the best piece of advice you have ever received? My parents have always taught my husband and me that a family who prays together stays together and that has always stuck with me because it's true.  My daughters will not even start their day without our morning prayers together. I'm grateful my parents passed that beautiful piece of advice to us because it's something that now my daughters take very seriously and I hope and pray they keep it going when they grow up as well.

7. What do you think women in our generation need to hear? I think the women in our generation need to hear and learn to accept ourselves and each other as we are. We cannot all be thin, pretty, gorgeous, models, with great skin and all the vanity that the media puts out there. Nobody is perfect.  I've made many mistakes in my life, I accept them and have apologized for them and learned to let my pride go. I've had a rough life at my early age but I don't go nor do I want to go through life as a bitter, judgmental and negative person. Life is too short, we live and we learn and we have to learn to accept each other as we are.

8. Who inspires you and why? My biggest inspiration has always been my mother. She has gone through so much turmoil in her life but her perseverance is relentless. Her unconditional love for God and her family, friends and even strangers is so big. I admire her faith and patience. Her "never give up" attitude has helped me throughout my life in every aspect. I love my mother she's one of my biggest blessings in life.

9. What are you most proud of? I'd have to say I'm most proud of my little family. We've had our share of struggles but no matter what life throws at us we stick closer to each other and we beat the odds. I'm very proud of us.

10. What are your dreams? So many dreams to talk about but to narrow it down right now one of our dreams as a couple is to become homeowners.  We are almost there. I would like to go back to school and earn my degree, be self-employed, have a business I can pass down to my daughters when they're read and to take care of my parents now at their age. I dream of watching my daughters, Brittany and Nataly, graduate from high school, college and be successful. Pardon my French but I want them to be "mujeres con huevos" that are independent and strong willed, with a heart to give back to those in need. Lastly, my dream is to grow old with my best friend, the boy I first met in Junior High, my husband Daniel Ramirez.