Proverbs 31 Woman

I listened to a sermon the other day where a Pastor encouraged/challenged women to be a Proverbs 31 woman.  It stood out to me.  It wasn't until the next day while I was enjoying a pedicure that I remembered "Proverbs 31".  I got on my phone, googled the verse and was completely floored by what I was reading.

A Wife of Character

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?  She is more precious than rubies.  Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. 

She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.  She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothing.

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.  When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.  She carefully watches everything in her household and she suffers nothing from laziness.

Her children stand and bless her.  Her husband praises her: "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!"

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.  Reward her for all she has done.  Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.


I must have read this passage three times in a row.  I loved it.  I was inspired.

This scripture kept repeating itself over and over to me this weekend.  I loved it.  As I read it again last night, I got up and ran over to my husband. "Chris, Chris.....31!  31!" He was looking at me like I'm crazy.  "31!  I'm turning 31 and Proverbs 31.  This is my scripture.  It's meant for me.  It's my theme for this year.  This is what I'm going to strive for this year." He looked at me and said, "Oh, yeah.". He didn't get excited the way I wanted him too, but I had enough excitement for the both of us.  I knew this was meant for me. 

I have been such a work in progress, and I know the journey will be long, but isn't it inspiring?  I challenge you to take this scripture and hold it dear to your heart.  Print it out.  Read it when you are down.  Read it when you need encouragement.  Let's be a Proverbs 31 woman. 

On another note, this has been the best birthday to date.  Thank you Lord for all the love, friendship, fellowship and family who surrounded me this weekend. 31 feels great!

Give Thanks In Everything

It was super cold on Saturday and I was going to spend my whole day on a bleacher watching my son play soccer.  I had three layers on me, a pair of mittens covered my hands and I even took a blanket as an added measure to protect myself from the chilly wind.  Luckily right before the team went to play, the sun came out and I was relieved.  Warmth! As the kids played their last game, the sun begin to set, darkness crept in and the reliance of heat from the sun, along with the light was gone.  The day of soccer came to an end and we headed back to our car.     Alec was completely stoked – his team had just won three games in a row and he was proud of himself for the assist he had in the final game of the day which led to the winning goal.  To celebrate, my husband and I took the kids out for dinner.  The service was magnificent and the food was perfection.  Everything was just flowing so well.  In fact, the manager had even given Alec a coupon for 50% off a pizza and a free appetizer to celebrate his wins that day.  As we wrapped up, the phone call came in - our home security system had picked up that the sensor in the back door had went off. 

As we drove home, we reached the alley way and were about to pull into our garage when we noticed the back gate was wide open.  My heart sank and I begin to imagine the worst thing possible. Our house has been burglarized. I got mad, worried, sad and overwhelmed in a millisecond.  My husband got off, and so did Alec.    My husband went in the house, came back out and said, “It looks like all they took was the TV, but the back door is shattered – they threw a brick.”  At that moment I just started crying.  My gut knew that the enemy was trying to attack me and my family.  I was crying from being so angry but I didn’t want my children to see me react that way.  I stopped, put myself together and went inside the house to assess the damage.  Wow – there in my den laid thousands of pieces of glass on my floor, my couches, all over………  To make it worse, the footprints of the intruders were all over my floor and the emptiness of where our TV once sat was the proof that we were robbed. 

My  heart was racing and I didn’t know what to do.  I called my mom – she didn’t answer.  I called my dad – he didn’t answer either.  A few minutes later, my mom returned my call and I was telling her what happened.  My husband went next door and our neighbor came rushing over – he was going to run to Home Depot to get plywood and materials to help us so Chris could stay at home with me as we awaited the police.  Once the police arrived, I left to my room knowing I needed prayer.  I called my friend and second mom Irma T and she answered the phone all happy “Hellooooo Vickie”.  From there, I don’t know what happened, I couldn’t even talk, “Irma, they broke into my house.”  I was already crying and I don’t even know how she understood what I was saying.  The next thing I knew, without asking anything of her, she said, “We’ll be right there.”  I didn’t know it at the time, but as I was on the call, my kids came in and wrapped me in their hugs.  That was the last time I cried over what happened. 

 Our neighbor from across the street also came and helped with the door and clean up.  As I was sweeping  what seemed an endless amount of glass,  I was able to pause for a moment and see my husband, neighbor and friend putting up plywood and working together.  As I looked the other direction, I saw Irma going full throttle in cleaning mode.  I felt something in that moment that truly washed away the anger I had from what had occurred.  I had great people in my home replacing the evil that was left behind from our intruders.  Not only did I feel grateful, but I even found myself laughing at one point.  (Irma you always make me laugh.) 

 

A few hours later all the glass was picked up, the plywood was up keeping the cold wind out of our house and the footprints were cleaned away.  Before Tony and Irma left I asked them to pray and that is when the aha moment came in .  “Lord, I’m praying not only for Vickie and Chris but also for the people who did this.”

 
At that very moment I knew I had to forgive whoever did this so I could let the feelings of anger, panic and loss exit from my heart.  I started looking at the positive and derailed from the slump I was headed for.  I am truly thankful that my family is OK, because at the end of the day material items can be replaced.  What was meant for our harm, the Lord used for good.  I was able to see that good people can extinguish the corruption of others. I also learned that by forgiving those who tried to hurt my family, we were able to strengthen our bond and faith.

 

“When you thank Me for the many pleasures I provide, you affirm that I am God, from whom all blessings flow.  When adversity strikes and you thank Me anyway, your trust in My sovereignty is a showpiece in invisible realms.  Fill up the spare moments of your life with praise and thanksgiving.  This joyous discipline will help you live in the intimacy of My Presence.” – Jesus Calling, January 7, 2015

 

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Letting go

2013 was the year I read “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren.  I had just turned 29 years old and was desperate to know what my purpose in life was. Rick Warren, the author of the book, says finding your purpose must begin with God. He was so right.  

I talked briefly on how this book changed my life in the post titled “My Purpose Driven Life”.  As I mentioned in that blog post, reading the book isn’t what changed my life, it’s what I did and how I applied the teachings of the book to my life that ultimately altered my life. The book discussed the importance of attending church, becoming a member of that church, getting baptized, surrounding myself with fellow believers, serving, sharing the “good news” of Jesus Christ, realizing what my talents are and using those talents to pursue the purpose God set forth for me.  The book also talked about the importance of tithing. 

Finished Book – February 2013

Using Talents for the greater good – February 22, 2013 (GWE blog went live)

Found my new church home – March 2013

Started Serving – May 2013

Baptism – June 2013

Member – Early 2014

Tithing – April 2014

Surrounding myself with fellow believers – Blossomed the entire year of 2014

As you can see, I didn’t do everything immediately or in the same order as the book listed.  Some things took some time, but in the back of my head, I always knew what I needed to do. All I needed was either a push or a tug to lead me.  I can honestly say the only item on the list that was truly difficult was tithing. 

For those who do not know what tithing is, it is simply means voluntarily contributing a tenth of one’s income to support the church. For anyone who has been to church – pretty much any church, knows there is a point in the service where offering takes place.  People reach into their wallets, purses and pull out a check or cash and place it in the bucket as it goes by. 

So you must be asking yourself, why do we have to give?  Well Jesus instructed us to and if he says so, then that’s all the reason we should need.  Rick Warren has said, “Show me how you spend your time and how you spend your money, I’ll show you what’s important in your life.”  People can say God is important in our lives, but no matter what we say, if we were to produce our schedule and our checkbook stubs, the true answer would reveal itself. 

In Matthew 6:21 NLT, Jesus says, “Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”  If you put all your money towards material items (clothing, shoes, cars, electronics), then that is what becomes important to you.  If you put God first, giving 10 percent back to the church no longer becomes a struggle, it becomes a privilege. 

When my husband and I first decided to start tithing, it was not easy at all.  When we calculated the number of our combined income and what 10 percent of that was, well, the anxiety began to creep in.  How are we going to afford this? 

Deuteronomy 14:23 explains that, “The purpose of tithing is to teach you to always put God first in your lives.”  Our world today screams, “Me, Me, Me! Mine, Mine, Mine!” No wonder everyone is so attached to their belongings.  But did you know, the day you perish, none of those belongings will go with you?  “After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave.” – 1 Timothy 6:7

I let materialism take over me for many years.  I wanted the best of the best and if I had the new purse, the expensive outfit and every new gadget, well that would show I had it all, right?  Wrong.  Yes, those items brought me enjoyment but it was only temporary.  Once the shine wore off, I was seeking more and more which led to lots of unnecessary spending.

As I began tithing, I learned to build up my faith and my trust in God.  I learned not to hold onto things, instead return the first part to God.  It broke the grip of materialism in my life. 

This brought forth a lot of changes for our family. We definitely cut back in different areas, but as the days and weeks passed, the struggle decreased and the enjoyment of giving increased.  The payoff has been enormous.  “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. “Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be enough to store it.” – Malachi 3:10

The tangible and intangible blessings that have been brought forth the last 8 months have been incomparable.  I cannot even begin to explain to you how much I’ve grown this year.  I can’t say my life is perfect because it never will be, but the peace that I have in my life is inconceivable.

Bottom line, your finances reflect what your priorities are.  What do your finances reveal about the priority of God in your life? 

God gave us a choice to give voluntarily out of our hearts.  If you choose not to do so, you are robbing yourself out of so much.  Don’t be so naïve.  Choose to bless your finances, not curse them.

One person gives freely, yet gains more; another withholds what is right, only to become poor. Proverbs 11:24  

The Misconception

Sometimes I wonder if people look at me and think, “She’s a Christian.  She must not have fun.”  Maybe it’s me just assuming things, but I think there has to be some truth to it, because at times I had those same misconceptions about others.  I’ve looked at people who go to church and have thought, wow, they can’t do this or that – that would suck.  When I first started going to church, I was hesitant to add people (from church) to my Facebook, scared that they would judge me or think I wasn’t Christian enough because of things on my FB page.  That was all in my head.  Slowly, I realized that people from church are not judgmental.  (They really aren’t.) 

I had a hard time with that for a while.  I didn’t want to post pictures of myself drinking or going out because I didn’t want to taint this image of me being a devoted Christian.  One thing I have held onto and what helped me release those feelings was a comment one of my Flavour sisters made during a group meeting.  “You can still go out.  You can still have a drink.  It’s just learning to do it in moderation.” 

Just because you are a Christian, does not mean your life is over.  In fact, for me, it meant my life had just begun.  Going to church and living a life in a different light doesn’t mean you stop laughing or having fun.  To tell you the truth, I honestly laugh more now than ever before.  Every Sunday I have so much fun at church.  My pastor is hysterical and my friends at church are the same way.  Unfortunately, I think there are many people who do not want to let God into their lives because they fear He will make them give up anything that is fun.  Their perception of being a Christian is the same as saying the party is over, that to be an obedient follower equals a miserable life.  NOT AT ALL!

Yes, I’ve given up some things, but it was things I needed to give up – Pride, Selfishness, Anger, Anxiety, etc.  While those feelings are still active in my life I have a better understanding of how to look to God to help me become a better person.  When you give your life to God, everything changes for the better. 

There is definitely more joy, more love and support in my life.  What use to really matter doesn’t matter anymore because God places wisdom in our hearts to know the difference between what is needed and what is unnecessary.  As you see the tangible and intangible blessings roll in you don’t really care to go back to where you were at because your life begins to make more sense.  The flowers smell greater, the colors are magnified, the excitement sparks back up – it’s like being in love. 

The truth is, God “richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment” (1 Timothy 6:17b NIV).

Iron Sharpens Iron

As this year comes to an end, I wanted to analyze the year and figure out, in my opinion, the best thing this year gave me.  Was it something I learned?  Something I gained?  An area I grew in?  As I began to reflect, one thing immediately jumped out at me – THEY!  The right “THEY” as my pastor says. 

I have friends – some old and some new.  Some I have known for years and some only for months.  Some friends I see frequently, while others I only see occasionally.  I value all of my friendships, but what I found this year is something completely different.  To quote my pastor once again, “It’s on a whole nutha level.” 

My life has changed.  I don’t necessarily hang out with all the friends I use to hang out with.  No particular reason other than the fact that as individuals, we all start growing apart.  Our lives get moved in different directions.  We get married, have kids and our time with friends gets cut back.  Yes, you can still be friends and celebrate each other on birthdays, etc, but if you are not spending time with each other on a consistent basis, do you really know what each other is going through?

I’ll admit, I was never the type of person to spill out my problems out so quickly, even with close friends.  Every so often, there were times where I felt out of place with friends who I had known for years.  When I got married and when I was pregnant, I honestly felt there was no one I could relate to.  None of my friends were married at the time and none of them had children.  I was also now a step mother which brought forth challenges for me.  I looked around and no one around me seemed to be in my shoes so how could they understand? I went many years dealing with different things and never opened up much to anyone – it was probably due to different reasons - embarrassment, shame, pride, insecurity, etc.  Many times all we see is the exterior and we look at people and we think they have it all figured out and everything seems to be working in their favor.  I’ve learned it is never as it seems.  Everyone is facing something at any given moment.  There’s more to everyone than the happy pictures we post on Facebook.

I wrote a blog a few months back titled, “When you know better, you do better."  I opened up to the fact that the period in which I lost my brother,  I felt that none of my friends really stepped in to be there for me.  It made me feel bad and if I talk about it long enough – even to this day – I will get teary eyed and even a bit angry.    However, during this time, the situation really made me take a look at myself.  Something inside of me said, “You are looking at everyone else, but look at yourself.  Were you always there for your friends in their time of need?”  Talk about a wakeup call.  I know I wasn’t.  Instead of focusing on everyone else, I started focusing on myself and the type of friend I was. 

I use to always throw myself these pity parties on how no one understood or could completely relate to me, yada, yada, yada.  What God did next in my life is amazing.  I was offered to become a group lead at my church’s womens group, Flavour Sisterhood.  Once I got over the nervousness, I agreed.  They placed me in a group for Moms with Teens.  I remember thinking I was going to be stuck with a bunch of older ladies – God, what are you doing?  I wanted to relate to people, not feel more distant from them.  The first meeting showed me that my perception of what women would be in my group was completely wrong.  In fact, I became very close to two of those women.  They were in my age group and happened to have additional children who were about my daughter’s age.  I even featured one of those women here on my blog, Priscilla Gonzalez.

While serving at church a door was opened bringing forth an array of people from all walks of life.  Older, younger, white, black, brown, parents, married couples, singles and everything in between.  I started noticing that these people were different.  They seemed to be so positive and uplifting at all times.  I was able to learn many things from just hearing their story and becoming so motivated by their strength and unshakable faith. Some of the people I met have been through hell and back, but you would never know it.   As I got to know these people and as my husband and children became friends with them as well, it really altered my life – our lives.  A vital reason for the closeness came through a group that some friends of ours  created called, “Spouse Strong” - here we were able to connect and build friendships with other couples.  Not only that, we were able to focus on our marriage and have a safe haven where we could open up and pray with others to strengthen the commitment we have made with our spouses.  It has been completely life changing and has been a crucial piece in the recommitment my husband and I have made towards our marriage.

An abundance of friendships have been made this year, some of them have been new friends and others have been old friendships that have blossomed or have been restored.  One of the greatest things that I experienced this year was the destruction of my feelings of solitary.  It was just a few weeks ago I was going through a trying time at work.  Instead of dealing with the situation alone I learned to reach out to others for help, guidance, advice and prayer.  I sent a text message out and I kid you not, back to back responses of prayer and uplifting messages were sent my way.  It was so overwhelming for me.  I didn’t know how to react.  I was touched from the love and support and I felt great.  I have a support system!  Thank you Jesus!  I finally get what my church preaches about getting to know the right people – The Right They! 

I learned to let my walls down and trust people with the most vulnerable side of me.  I never thought that would happen.  As a society and especially as women, I sometimes feel we get use to the idea that there is no such thing as a true friend. Every time you turn around you see another woman backstabbed from her once “friend”.  You see people who are friends but secretly jealous or envious of one another who are not able to lift each other up or support each other at their fullest potential.  I know I’m not alone when I say even though we are surrounded by people, we can at times feel alone.  I know because I’ve witnessed other people confess to the same feelings I had.  I think when you find the right “THEY” you learn that isn’t the case.  You are willing and ready to share your pain, your weakness and know that someone will not ridicule you or turn around and gossip about you.  It is the complete opposite.  Instead, they will pray for you and help you get back up.  So where can you find the right “They”?  Simple – at church.  Commit and surround yourself with other believers. 

A few weeks ago when I was thinking of writing on the topic of friendships, I sat across from my husband at Pei Wei reliving the memories of how I felt when my brother passed and the emptiness I felt when it came to the people who were there for me.  My eyes began to fill with tears and I said to him, “I know that if I was going to Fellowship Church when my brother passed things would have been completely different.  These people I’ve met, they would have been there at the hospital, at the viewing, at the funeral.  They would have hugged me, cried with me and prayed for me.”  At that point I knew the difference and I was so thankful.  The next time I’m faced with a hardship they will be there for me.  The even better thing is when I have something to celebrate, they will be praising Jesus right next to me.  That’s what life is about - having people to lift you up when you are down and celebrate you when you receive those special blessings from our Lord and Savior.  

P.S. For those friends of mine who are reading this I want to keep extending the invite to Fellowship Church.  The reason why I’m always asking, “When are you going to church?” isn’t to make you feel one way or another, it’s to get you plugged in.  I want you to feel what I feel.  I want your life to be changed the way mine has.  I love you so much that I want you to join me.  I want our friendship to flourish, I want our kids to grow up with each other and blossom into the next generation leaders.  I want you to reach out to me when you are going through difficulties and I want to do the same with you.  Friendship is more than just getting together to celebrate on birthdays.  Please join me this coming Sunday at Fellowship Church. I promise you won’t regret it. 

The Empty Void

I was 21 years old and I had just gone through the worst break up of my life.  I was so broken.  I use to think of myself as this fierce girl who could take on anything.  I had two relationships in high school where the guy treated me like a princess.  I took advantage of it of course and took those relationships for granted.  You know the saying what goes around comes around? Well, that was where I was at. My mom had always told me to be strong, independent and to never rely on a man for anything.  I modeled that behavior until I was suddenly thrown into a pit where all sense of direction and advice flew past me.  How did I get here?  I wondered time and time again always thinking I could control the issue, change him and live happily ever after.  If I think back to that relationship, I can’t even tell you what I loved about him.  I think I was obsessed with the challenge of changing him.  I hated the rejection.  I wasn’t use to it.   I wanted him to want me, to love me, to adore me just like my prior boyfriends had.  I wanted him to pick me over his friends, over drinking, over the night life, but he didn’t.  Eventually he finally gained the strength and the courage to leave me for good.  I must have called him a million times trying to get him to change his mind, resulting to the low point of almost begging which was such a low moment for me.  I had once worn this armor of titanium and now I was the complete opposite – putty in his hands.  He didn’t take me back, he ignored me, rejected me and it was so hard for me to get over him.  I didn’t know it at the time, but that was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

I use to judge girls like me in that moment and think, “She is so stupid. He is clearly cheating on her, why would she take him back?  Why would she want to be with someone who does this to her?”  All the stones I threw were now redirected at me and it added to the distress.  Knowing that people were talking about me and judging me on top of my broken heart was shattering to my soul.  I must say during this time I was going to church religiously. I had hit rock bottom and turned to God for support.  The quick fix that I was looking for wasn’t happening.  God, where are you?

To block my mind from thinking about my ex boyfriend I turned to the night life and drinking.  In all honesty, it started out fun at first and it did the job of making me forget about my heart break in those few hours.  Eventually, without realizing it, I ended up being habituated to the night life, looking forward to the weekend and living mainly for that and only that.  I was having so much fun, forgetting about my pain that I was under the impression that I was really living my life.  While all this “fun” filled the void in my heart, it was only temporary.  A year later I found myself bored, searching for something more.  This life I was living was the same week in and week out. I wasn’t doing anything with my life really.  While I was no longer heartbroken, my heart was still not mended.  I was carrying so much baggage – resentment, hurt, pain, rejection and I didn’t even realize it.  You may also have guessed correctly, that my attendance at church had now become nonexistent.  I thought I was the problem solver and I left God out of my life.  I had made the biggest mistake.

I eventually met my now husband and my life began to pivot.  Unfortunately, all the hurt from my prior relationship carried over and the fear of rejection became so visible in my new relationship.  As I was able to see where my husband’s heart was I was slowly letting some of those feelings subside.  It wasn’t until the void in my heart began to resurface that my search for something bigger than myself returned.  Two years into our marriage we were finally making the effort to go to church and get our children involved.  We didn’t make it a priority, but we made the effort. Once we made God our priority, our lives began changing little by little.  We saw the change and we were hungry for more.  

I now stand here, four years later with the armor of the Lord: A belt of truth that allows me to see clearly, making choices according to God’s plan and purpose for my life. A breastplate of righteousness that protects my heart, guarding my emotions and taking in that which is pure. Spiritual boots which allow me to walk in peace. A shield of faith which is the trust that I hold that God will be my victor in any and every situation. A helmet of salvation that guards my mind and finally the sword of the spirit – applying God’s word to my circumstance.  

These past four years have been an upward journey.  Each step of the way, I have been leaving all the hurt of the past that I was holding onto.  Am I living a pain free life?  Not exactly, but I am able to manage my life in the areas of pain in such a healthier way.  Will things still bring me down?  Oh certainly – it’s a  constant struggle, but I have learned that while I am weak, God’s power is made strong.  There is nothing that I will face in this life that God won’t use for the greater good. 

There’s something special about living this life in the light of the Lord - I know I walk differently, I speak differently, I live differently.  There is no going back.  My heart no longer holds a void, it is filled with an everlasting love – the perfect love that we can only receive from our heavenly Father.  Don’t waste another minute trying to fix things on your own.  There’s a whole other world out there waiting for you.  He’s knocking at your door.  Open the door and let him in.  Your life will never be the same. 

Gentlewoman, Priscilla Gonzalez

I’m excited to introduce you to my next Gentlewoman, Priscilla Gonzalez.  I met Priscilla earlier this year at my church’s women’s group, Flavour Sisterhood.  A month or two ago, we became friends on Facebook and I found out that Priscilla had lost her oldest son, Fabian in a car accident last year.  Knowing that she had lost a son really shocked me because if you know Priscilla you will know that this woman wears a constant smile on her face.  She is devoted to church and you can see her and her family there every Sunday.  She shows no sign of defeat; in fact, she exudes this strength in her presence.  Priscilla exemplifies the true meaning of being a Christian in my eyes.  Her faith cannot be shaken.  I am so proud to call her a friend and I am honored to call her a sister.

Just this week I received a daily devotional from Greg Laurie.  The subject line read, “Trusting in the Dark Times”.  After I read the email, I knew this would be a great intro to Priscilla’s GW blog post.  I loved it so much I wanted to share with you all.

 God wants us to experience joy as believers—not a fickle happiness that depends on circumstances or changes with the wind direction, but a joy that remains in spite of what may be taking place around you.

Anyone can be relatively happy when things are going well. But when you face adversity or sickness or hardship and then rejoice, you show that something supernatural has occurred in your life. In fact, you show yourself to be a real Christian. This is a unique trait of believers—that we can rejoice when things go wrong.

How do we do it? We find the key in Philippians 4:4: "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!" Paul didn't say to rejoice in circumstances. Rather, he said to rejoice in the Lord. In other words, God is still on the throne. You're still going to heaven. You're still forgiven. God still has a plan for your life; He has not abandoned you. We need to take joy in the Lord always. That is the key. I recognize that in spite of what I may be going through right now, His plans for me are still good. And He will never leave or forsake me.

Priscilla Gonzalez

For those people who don’t you, can you tell me a little bit about yourself?

I’m Priscilla Gonzalez, married with three children.  My husband is my high school sweetheart and our children are our greatest accomplishment. We have a son that recently passed from this life to be with our Savior.

Losing a child has to be one of the hardest difficulties to endure. I cannot even begin to fathom the pain, loss, and never ending void that comes along with it.  Can you tell my readers what exactly happened on that fateful Friday night in 2013?

Fabian met his maker in April 2013 and our lives have not been the same since. He was speeding trying to meet his curfew and lost control of the vehicle.

When I found out that you were a mother who had lost her son, honestly, I was completely shocked.  You had been a part of my Flavour bible study group and never once brought it up.  You have always had this smile on your face and never looked like a woman that was defeated.  How were you able to stand, and continue to stand with an invisible armor while still grieving the loss of your son?

I take it day by day, sometimes minute by minute. God renews my strength each day, it’s nothing that I’ve done or can do but it’s what He can do through me. Christ has truly covered me with a blanket of peace, protection and hope.

Sometimes we don’t realize what we have until it’s too late.  What advice do you have for all the parents out there who get caught up in the struggle of raising and disciplining their kids versus enjoying and cherishing their kids in the present moment?

I would say that parents have to truly have a heart for raising their children. I mean be intentional about being available to them. Being a good parent is hard work especially when you add a full-time job, cooking, cleaning, and all the other chores, it gets exhausting. But our children need us; they thrive on our attention and approval. We have to keep in mind that they are a gift from God and should be treated as such.

I truly believe that all things work for good for those who believe.  Looking back on this past year, what has been the light in the darkness?

Involvement in our church and love for others has been ignited within us. We have seen Fabian’s friends attend church and worship with us. Our family fully grasps that life is fragile and our days are numbered so we choose to not focus on the petty things in life. The love I have for my husband is so deep and genuine. Of course I would have rather those things come about a different way but I can accept that all we have gone through and continue to go through is God’s perfect will for our lives.  I know that if we keep our faith in Christ we will be reunited with Fabian again. I have hope.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

You know sometimes advice is not spoken to you directly but indirectly through someone’s actions. My mother has always prayed for her children. So I take that unspoken advice and pray for my children without ceasing. I remember my mother dropping me off at school and I could hear her praying for me under her breath. I was a teenager with a son which tells you I was not the perfect daughter but my mother didn’t care she kept on praying for me and I believe that made all the difference in my life.

What are your dreams?

My hope is to raise kingdom children and my dream is to be reunited with Fabian. I long for the days when my family can be whole again.

Who inspires you and why?

My pastor Ed Young and his wife Lisa Young inspire me to have a thriving marriage and to put my husband before my children (which is hard for me to do sometimes). They also inspire me to serve because if I’m not serving I’m swerving…my Fellowship Church family will get that ;)

Pastor Tony Evans inspires me to raise my children with a purpose and to have a kingdom agenda mind-set.

What do you think women in our generation need to hear?

I would like to see women make the most of their current situation. Lots of times we blame others for things that have happened to us but when you have hope in Jesus Christ you can lay all your burdens at his feet and he will carry the load for you. Sit back, evaluate your situation and refocus on what truly matters.

What are you most proud of?

I’m most proud of how our family came together to help raise Fabian. You know the saying it takes a village to raise a child, well that’s true in this case. We didn’t know what we were doing as teen parents but with our family’s help we raised a respectful, ambitious, and intelligent young man. Now with those skills that we learned we will raise our other children the same way.