Gentlewoman, Priscilla Gonzalez

I’m excited to introduce you to my next Gentlewoman, Priscilla Gonzalez.  I met Priscilla earlier this year at my church’s women’s group, Flavour Sisterhood.  A month or two ago, we became friends on Facebook and I found out that Priscilla had lost her oldest son, Fabian in a car accident last year.  Knowing that she had lost a son really shocked me because if you know Priscilla you will know that this woman wears a constant smile on her face.  She is devoted to church and you can see her and her family there every Sunday.  She shows no sign of defeat; in fact, she exudes this strength in her presence.  Priscilla exemplifies the true meaning of being a Christian in my eyes.  Her faith cannot be shaken.  I am so proud to call her a friend and I am honored to call her a sister.

Just this week I received a daily devotional from Greg Laurie.  The subject line read, “Trusting in the Dark Times”.  After I read the email, I knew this would be a great intro to Priscilla’s GW blog post.  I loved it so much I wanted to share with you all.

 God wants us to experience joy as believers—not a fickle happiness that depends on circumstances or changes with the wind direction, but a joy that remains in spite of what may be taking place around you.

Anyone can be relatively happy when things are going well. But when you face adversity or sickness or hardship and then rejoice, you show that something supernatural has occurred in your life. In fact, you show yourself to be a real Christian. This is a unique trait of believers—that we can rejoice when things go wrong.

How do we do it? We find the key in Philippians 4:4: "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!" Paul didn't say to rejoice in circumstances. Rather, he said to rejoice in the Lord. In other words, God is still on the throne. You're still going to heaven. You're still forgiven. God still has a plan for your life; He has not abandoned you. We need to take joy in the Lord always. That is the key. I recognize that in spite of what I may be going through right now, His plans for me are still good. And He will never leave or forsake me.

Priscilla Gonzalez

For those people who don’t you, can you tell me a little bit about yourself?

I’m Priscilla Gonzalez, married with three children.  My husband is my high school sweetheart and our children are our greatest accomplishment. We have a son that recently passed from this life to be with our Savior.

Losing a child has to be one of the hardest difficulties to endure. I cannot even begin to fathom the pain, loss, and never ending void that comes along with it.  Can you tell my readers what exactly happened on that fateful Friday night in 2013?

Fabian met his maker in April 2013 and our lives have not been the same since. He was speeding trying to meet his curfew and lost control of the vehicle.

When I found out that you were a mother who had lost her son, honestly, I was completely shocked.  You had been a part of my Flavour bible study group and never once brought it up.  You have always had this smile on your face and never looked like a woman that was defeated.  How were you able to stand, and continue to stand with an invisible armor while still grieving the loss of your son?

I take it day by day, sometimes minute by minute. God renews my strength each day, it’s nothing that I’ve done or can do but it’s what He can do through me. Christ has truly covered me with a blanket of peace, protection and hope.

Sometimes we don’t realize what we have until it’s too late.  What advice do you have for all the parents out there who get caught up in the struggle of raising and disciplining their kids versus enjoying and cherishing their kids in the present moment?

I would say that parents have to truly have a heart for raising their children. I mean be intentional about being available to them. Being a good parent is hard work especially when you add a full-time job, cooking, cleaning, and all the other chores, it gets exhausting. But our children need us; they thrive on our attention and approval. We have to keep in mind that they are a gift from God and should be treated as such.

I truly believe that all things work for good for those who believe.  Looking back on this past year, what has been the light in the darkness?

Involvement in our church and love for others has been ignited within us. We have seen Fabian’s friends attend church and worship with us. Our family fully grasps that life is fragile and our days are numbered so we choose to not focus on the petty things in life. The love I have for my husband is so deep and genuine. Of course I would have rather those things come about a different way but I can accept that all we have gone through and continue to go through is God’s perfect will for our lives.  I know that if we keep our faith in Christ we will be reunited with Fabian again. I have hope.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

You know sometimes advice is not spoken to you directly but indirectly through someone’s actions. My mother has always prayed for her children. So I take that unspoken advice and pray for my children without ceasing. I remember my mother dropping me off at school and I could hear her praying for me under her breath. I was a teenager with a son which tells you I was not the perfect daughter but my mother didn’t care she kept on praying for me and I believe that made all the difference in my life.

What are your dreams?

My hope is to raise kingdom children and my dream is to be reunited with Fabian. I long for the days when my family can be whole again.

Who inspires you and why?

My pastor Ed Young and his wife Lisa Young inspire me to have a thriving marriage and to put my husband before my children (which is hard for me to do sometimes). They also inspire me to serve because if I’m not serving I’m swerving…my Fellowship Church family will get that ;)

Pastor Tony Evans inspires me to raise my children with a purpose and to have a kingdom agenda mind-set.

What do you think women in our generation need to hear?

I would like to see women make the most of their current situation. Lots of times we blame others for things that have happened to us but when you have hope in Jesus Christ you can lay all your burdens at his feet and he will carry the load for you. Sit back, evaluate your situation and refocus on what truly matters.

What are you most proud of?

I’m most proud of how our family came together to help raise Fabian. You know the saying it takes a village to raise a child, well that’s true in this case. We didn’t know what we were doing as teen parents but with our family’s help we raised a respectful, ambitious, and intelligent young man. Now with those skills that we learned we will raise our other children the same way.

Choose Not To Suffer

I went to yoga class the other night and while in the savasana pose (otherwise known as the corpse/dead man’s pose), our teacher began talking to us about suffering.  He mentioned he had heard something the other day that gave him a new perspective .  “We allow ourselves to suffer, whether it’s physically, mentally or internal.  Think about it.  Sometimes we over think too much and we focus too much on the problem.  We create the suffering.”   As I was lying there, I started thinking about what he said and I couldn’t help but question it.  I was flip flopping – part of me understood what he was saying, but the other part of me started thinking, well no, suffering is inevitable in this world.  We don’t always create the suffering.

When class was over and I got in my car, the first song that came on was “Hope in Front of Me” by  Danny Gokey.  This song is about reaching rock bottom and pulling though. Danny wrote this song about the darkness that entered his life right before a pivotal moment in his life. Just four weeks before he auditioned for American Idol, Danny’s wife died from complications during a routine surgery for congenital heart disease.  His wife, Sophia Martinez, was his high school sweetheart.  They were married for 4 years and together for 12.   Can you imagine the devastation?  Danny was able to honor his wife by pursuing the dream she had envisioned for him by competing on American Idol and advancing to the final three before being eliminated. Through this time period, Danny was able to keep hope in front of him because of his unshakable faith.  There are many people who have lost loved ones, experienced tremendous heartbreak and are able to smile and continue to live their lives because of the strength God has given them to overcome. New beginnings are possible.  You can recover after devastating loss.  

I can speak from experience as I look back on my life.  God was always the one I leaned on during the many hardships in my life.  Many of you that have read my blog know that losing my brother was a very difficult time for both me and my family.  Before we lost him, he was continuously in and out of the hospital for a year.  It was torture to see someone you love with breathing tubes and their arms restrained to a hospital bed, but that year God wrapped his arms around me and gave me a peace like no other.  As I was listening to this song and all these thoughts circled, I thought of my friend Priscilla who lost her son in a car accident and how she is able to stand so strong despite the continuous heartache that she has.   Suffering can be momentary, if you allow it.

And so, we can’t control the pain or the hardship from presenting itself and yes, there is suffering, but the key is not to stay planted in the suffering for long.  Choose not to suffer. 

The only way I know how is by leaning on the strength of our creator.  

No matter how bad it gets, you'll be alright.  There is hope in front of you. 

 

Present Suffering and Future Glory Romans 18 – 28

18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. 

22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to son ship, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 

26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

Two are better than one

“Romantic love, it’s so sugar sweet.  It comes and goes.  You wanna know what love is about?  Give it when you feel nothing.”

This Saturday marks the 6^th wedding anniversary for my husband and I.  Today, as I look back on our years of marriage, I can’t help but think, if I knew then that marriage wasn’t like the movies, would I have been as excited to take the next step? If I were to look out at the troubled waters, would I have been so quick to jump in without a life jacket?

You never know how hard something is going to be until you take the plunge….parenting, college, career – everything we do in life  (that matters) takes time, sacrifice and work.  My outlook on marriage as a newlywed was simply thinking it would be so easy.  As long as you love each other, what troubles could really prevent you from having a successful marriage?  I didn’t understand why people got divorced, why people cheated on their spouses or why so many couples became roommates.  I ended up learning gradually that the excitement dwindles rather quickly. Children take over, finances become the root of most arguments, and the change from being single to married is a BIG adjustment for both the man and woman.  I would have to say that when my husband and I got married, we had more single friends than married friends.  I’m not saying married couples can’t have single friends, but we were on a different planet from our single friends.  We had children, they didn’t.  We couldn’t just get up and go and do the things that our friends were doing.  We did our best to keep up, but it became stressful financially, and took a toll on us as parents.  We went out a lot, spent money foolishly on nights we can’t remember and woke up exhausted the following morning with no energy for our children.  We had this vision to not become this married couple that couldn’t have fun, but we were taking the wrong approach.  Most of those nights we had a blast, but some nights the drinking would cause arguments.  Somewhere in those first two years, we had lost focus.  Marriage became mundane and even though we loved each other, things had changed. We were arguing over petty things and not honoring each other on the level we were created for. 

Our first years of marriage did not include any form of a relationship with God and if I look back I can tell you that was the missing piece.  Some of you may roll your eyes and think, oh here she goes bringing up the Jesus stuff, but I am not bringing it up just to bring it up -  this is my truth.  I knew I wanted to bring up my daughter in church and let her know about our creator, but when you go out on weekends, you really don’t wake up on Sunday mornings with the vitality to go to church.  That was my excuse all that time.  It was about this time 3 years ago that my husband and I planned a trip to Houston, Texas and we decided to visit Lakewood Church.  Chris knew I loved watching Joel Osteen on TV and he asked me if I wanted to go.  I think back to that day and I get chills because I know that was the catalyst moment in which our lives were forever changed.   We got up that morning and made our way to Lakewood Church and I am not exaggerating when I say that when we both went inside, we immediately felt the tears fill our eyes and a feeling of comfort take over.  The experience was amazing and when the offer to go up and have a church member pray for you presented itself, we got out of our seats and made our way to the front.  I remember the pastor asking what our prayer request was and as I opened my mouth to speak, the words couldn’t come out. I was crying and I didn’t know why.  Through my cracked voice, I asked him to pray for our marriage.  I don’t remember what he said, but that prayer was needed and our marriage has never been the same.  We didn’t immediately go from 0 – 100, but the steps to restore the honor for each other changed day by day and eventually we were back on the yellow brick road that would lead us to the new chapter in our marriage.

Perfection is not realistic.  Marriage is work.  It’s hard work.  It starts off easy, but through the years, it can easily become rocky.  I look back now and I think, how could I think it was easy?  If anything, I should have been thinking how could it not be hard.  Statistics show that 50% of all American marriages end in divorce.  So basically, we all a 50/50 chance.  That’s crazy! 

Chris and I are so lucky to be part of a church that has helped our marriage grow.  We have become friends with so many couples who are like us – fighting against the enemy to keep our marriage alive.  I am so proud to be part of a church that encourages dating your mate, speaking about marriage and family and having so many avenues to help.  Our marriage is far from perfect, we still argue every now and then, we get mad, we have hardships, but it’s not like before.  I am proud of far we have come and I’m proud that we look at each other as team.  “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.  But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

 

To my husband: 

I see all the troubled waters.  I’d jump in anyway.   

Love, Your rib