Letting go

2013 was the year I read “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren.  I had just turned 29 years old and was desperate to know what my purpose in life was. Rick Warren, the author of the book, says finding your purpose must begin with God. He was so right.  

I talked briefly on how this book changed my life in the post titled “My Purpose Driven Life”.  As I mentioned in that blog post, reading the book isn’t what changed my life, it’s what I did and how I applied the teachings of the book to my life that ultimately altered my life. The book discussed the importance of attending church, becoming a member of that church, getting baptized, surrounding myself with fellow believers, serving, sharing the “good news” of Jesus Christ, realizing what my talents are and using those talents to pursue the purpose God set forth for me.  The book also talked about the importance of tithing. 

Finished Book – February 2013

Using Talents for the greater good – February 22, 2013 (GWE blog went live)

Found my new church home – March 2013

Started Serving – May 2013

Baptism – June 2013

Member – Early 2014

Tithing – April 2014

Surrounding myself with fellow believers – Blossomed the entire year of 2014

As you can see, I didn’t do everything immediately or in the same order as the book listed.  Some things took some time, but in the back of my head, I always knew what I needed to do. All I needed was either a push or a tug to lead me.  I can honestly say the only item on the list that was truly difficult was tithing. 

For those who do not know what tithing is, it is simply means voluntarily contributing a tenth of one’s income to support the church. For anyone who has been to church – pretty much any church, knows there is a point in the service where offering takes place.  People reach into their wallets, purses and pull out a check or cash and place it in the bucket as it goes by. 

So you must be asking yourself, why do we have to give?  Well Jesus instructed us to and if he says so, then that’s all the reason we should need.  Rick Warren has said, “Show me how you spend your time and how you spend your money, I’ll show you what’s important in your life.”  People can say God is important in our lives, but no matter what we say, if we were to produce our schedule and our checkbook stubs, the true answer would reveal itself. 

In Matthew 6:21 NLT, Jesus says, “Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”  If you put all your money towards material items (clothing, shoes, cars, electronics), then that is what becomes important to you.  If you put God first, giving 10 percent back to the church no longer becomes a struggle, it becomes a privilege. 

When my husband and I first decided to start tithing, it was not easy at all.  When we calculated the number of our combined income and what 10 percent of that was, well, the anxiety began to creep in.  How are we going to afford this? 

Deuteronomy 14:23 explains that, “The purpose of tithing is to teach you to always put God first in your lives.”  Our world today screams, “Me, Me, Me! Mine, Mine, Mine!” No wonder everyone is so attached to their belongings.  But did you know, the day you perish, none of those belongings will go with you?  “After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave.” – 1 Timothy 6:7

I let materialism take over me for many years.  I wanted the best of the best and if I had the new purse, the expensive outfit and every new gadget, well that would show I had it all, right?  Wrong.  Yes, those items brought me enjoyment but it was only temporary.  Once the shine wore off, I was seeking more and more which led to lots of unnecessary spending.

As I began tithing, I learned to build up my faith and my trust in God.  I learned not to hold onto things, instead return the first part to God.  It broke the grip of materialism in my life. 

This brought forth a lot of changes for our family. We definitely cut back in different areas, but as the days and weeks passed, the struggle decreased and the enjoyment of giving increased.  The payoff has been enormous.  “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. “Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be enough to store it.” – Malachi 3:10

The tangible and intangible blessings that have been brought forth the last 8 months have been incomparable.  I cannot even begin to explain to you how much I’ve grown this year.  I can’t say my life is perfect because it never will be, but the peace that I have in my life is inconceivable.

Bottom line, your finances reflect what your priorities are.  What do your finances reveal about the priority of God in your life? 

God gave us a choice to give voluntarily out of our hearts.  If you choose not to do so, you are robbing yourself out of so much.  Don’t be so naïve.  Choose to bless your finances, not curse them.

One person gives freely, yet gains more; another withholds what is right, only to become poor. Proverbs 11:24  

The Misconception

Sometimes I wonder if people look at me and think, “She’s a Christian.  She must not have fun.”  Maybe it’s me just assuming things, but I think there has to be some truth to it, because at times I had those same misconceptions about others.  I’ve looked at people who go to church and have thought, wow, they can’t do this or that – that would suck.  When I first started going to church, I was hesitant to add people (from church) to my Facebook, scared that they would judge me or think I wasn’t Christian enough because of things on my FB page.  That was all in my head.  Slowly, I realized that people from church are not judgmental.  (They really aren’t.) 

I had a hard time with that for a while.  I didn’t want to post pictures of myself drinking or going out because I didn’t want to taint this image of me being a devoted Christian.  One thing I have held onto and what helped me release those feelings was a comment one of my Flavour sisters made during a group meeting.  “You can still go out.  You can still have a drink.  It’s just learning to do it in moderation.” 

Just because you are a Christian, does not mean your life is over.  In fact, for me, it meant my life had just begun.  Going to church and living a life in a different light doesn’t mean you stop laughing or having fun.  To tell you the truth, I honestly laugh more now than ever before.  Every Sunday I have so much fun at church.  My pastor is hysterical and my friends at church are the same way.  Unfortunately, I think there are many people who do not want to let God into their lives because they fear He will make them give up anything that is fun.  Their perception of being a Christian is the same as saying the party is over, that to be an obedient follower equals a miserable life.  NOT AT ALL!

Yes, I’ve given up some things, but it was things I needed to give up – Pride, Selfishness, Anger, Anxiety, etc.  While those feelings are still active in my life I have a better understanding of how to look to God to help me become a better person.  When you give your life to God, everything changes for the better. 

There is definitely more joy, more love and support in my life.  What use to really matter doesn’t matter anymore because God places wisdom in our hearts to know the difference between what is needed and what is unnecessary.  As you see the tangible and intangible blessings roll in you don’t really care to go back to where you were at because your life begins to make more sense.  The flowers smell greater, the colors are magnified, the excitement sparks back up – it’s like being in love. 

The truth is, God “richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment” (1 Timothy 6:17b NIV).

Iron Sharpens Iron

As this year comes to an end, I wanted to analyze the year and figure out, in my opinion, the best thing this year gave me.  Was it something I learned?  Something I gained?  An area I grew in?  As I began to reflect, one thing immediately jumped out at me – THEY!  The right “THEY” as my pastor says. 

I have friends – some old and some new.  Some I have known for years and some only for months.  Some friends I see frequently, while others I only see occasionally.  I value all of my friendships, but what I found this year is something completely different.  To quote my pastor once again, “It’s on a whole nutha level.” 

My life has changed.  I don’t necessarily hang out with all the friends I use to hang out with.  No particular reason other than the fact that as individuals, we all start growing apart.  Our lives get moved in different directions.  We get married, have kids and our time with friends gets cut back.  Yes, you can still be friends and celebrate each other on birthdays, etc, but if you are not spending time with each other on a consistent basis, do you really know what each other is going through?

I’ll admit, I was never the type of person to spill out my problems out so quickly, even with close friends.  Every so often, there were times where I felt out of place with friends who I had known for years.  When I got married and when I was pregnant, I honestly felt there was no one I could relate to.  None of my friends were married at the time and none of them had children.  I was also now a step mother which brought forth challenges for me.  I looked around and no one around me seemed to be in my shoes so how could they understand? I went many years dealing with different things and never opened up much to anyone – it was probably due to different reasons - embarrassment, shame, pride, insecurity, etc.  Many times all we see is the exterior and we look at people and we think they have it all figured out and everything seems to be working in their favor.  I’ve learned it is never as it seems.  Everyone is facing something at any given moment.  There’s more to everyone than the happy pictures we post on Facebook.

I wrote a blog a few months back titled, “When you know better, you do better."  I opened up to the fact that the period in which I lost my brother,  I felt that none of my friends really stepped in to be there for me.  It made me feel bad and if I talk about it long enough – even to this day – I will get teary eyed and even a bit angry.    However, during this time, the situation really made me take a look at myself.  Something inside of me said, “You are looking at everyone else, but look at yourself.  Were you always there for your friends in their time of need?”  Talk about a wakeup call.  I know I wasn’t.  Instead of focusing on everyone else, I started focusing on myself and the type of friend I was. 

I use to always throw myself these pity parties on how no one understood or could completely relate to me, yada, yada, yada.  What God did next in my life is amazing.  I was offered to become a group lead at my church’s womens group, Flavour Sisterhood.  Once I got over the nervousness, I agreed.  They placed me in a group for Moms with Teens.  I remember thinking I was going to be stuck with a bunch of older ladies – God, what are you doing?  I wanted to relate to people, not feel more distant from them.  The first meeting showed me that my perception of what women would be in my group was completely wrong.  In fact, I became very close to two of those women.  They were in my age group and happened to have additional children who were about my daughter’s age.  I even featured one of those women here on my blog, Priscilla Gonzalez.

While serving at church a door was opened bringing forth an array of people from all walks of life.  Older, younger, white, black, brown, parents, married couples, singles and everything in between.  I started noticing that these people were different.  They seemed to be so positive and uplifting at all times.  I was able to learn many things from just hearing their story and becoming so motivated by their strength and unshakable faith. Some of the people I met have been through hell and back, but you would never know it.   As I got to know these people and as my husband and children became friends with them as well, it really altered my life – our lives.  A vital reason for the closeness came through a group that some friends of ours  created called, “Spouse Strong” - here we were able to connect and build friendships with other couples.  Not only that, we were able to focus on our marriage and have a safe haven where we could open up and pray with others to strengthen the commitment we have made with our spouses.  It has been completely life changing and has been a crucial piece in the recommitment my husband and I have made towards our marriage.

An abundance of friendships have been made this year, some of them have been new friends and others have been old friendships that have blossomed or have been restored.  One of the greatest things that I experienced this year was the destruction of my feelings of solitary.  It was just a few weeks ago I was going through a trying time at work.  Instead of dealing with the situation alone I learned to reach out to others for help, guidance, advice and prayer.  I sent a text message out and I kid you not, back to back responses of prayer and uplifting messages were sent my way.  It was so overwhelming for me.  I didn’t know how to react.  I was touched from the love and support and I felt great.  I have a support system!  Thank you Jesus!  I finally get what my church preaches about getting to know the right people – The Right They! 

I learned to let my walls down and trust people with the most vulnerable side of me.  I never thought that would happen.  As a society and especially as women, I sometimes feel we get use to the idea that there is no such thing as a true friend. Every time you turn around you see another woman backstabbed from her once “friend”.  You see people who are friends but secretly jealous or envious of one another who are not able to lift each other up or support each other at their fullest potential.  I know I’m not alone when I say even though we are surrounded by people, we can at times feel alone.  I know because I’ve witnessed other people confess to the same feelings I had.  I think when you find the right “THEY” you learn that isn’t the case.  You are willing and ready to share your pain, your weakness and know that someone will not ridicule you or turn around and gossip about you.  It is the complete opposite.  Instead, they will pray for you and help you get back up.  So where can you find the right “They”?  Simple – at church.  Commit and surround yourself with other believers. 

A few weeks ago when I was thinking of writing on the topic of friendships, I sat across from my husband at Pei Wei reliving the memories of how I felt when my brother passed and the emptiness I felt when it came to the people who were there for me.  My eyes began to fill with tears and I said to him, “I know that if I was going to Fellowship Church when my brother passed things would have been completely different.  These people I’ve met, they would have been there at the hospital, at the viewing, at the funeral.  They would have hugged me, cried with me and prayed for me.”  At that point I knew the difference and I was so thankful.  The next time I’m faced with a hardship they will be there for me.  The even better thing is when I have something to celebrate, they will be praising Jesus right next to me.  That’s what life is about - having people to lift you up when you are down and celebrate you when you receive those special blessings from our Lord and Savior.  

P.S. For those friends of mine who are reading this I want to keep extending the invite to Fellowship Church.  The reason why I’m always asking, “When are you going to church?” isn’t to make you feel one way or another, it’s to get you plugged in.  I want you to feel what I feel.  I want your life to be changed the way mine has.  I love you so much that I want you to join me.  I want our friendship to flourish, I want our kids to grow up with each other and blossom into the next generation leaders.  I want you to reach out to me when you are going through difficulties and I want to do the same with you.  Friendship is more than just getting together to celebrate on birthdays.  Please join me this coming Sunday at Fellowship Church. I promise you won’t regret it.