All Things Work for Good

This past Sunday marked three years since my brother went to be with the Lord.  I was able to reflect on all the good things that have flourished because of his passing and it really made me smile. God’s promise did not fail.

When my brother was in and out of the hospital, it was hard for the entire family.  I was in the beginning stages of my renewed relationship with the Lord and I found myself reading Everyday a Friday, by Joel Osteen.  One night as I was reading that book after visiting my brother in the hospital, these lines jumped out at me like a magnifying glass: Remember Romans 8:28, “All things work together for those who love God.”  The key word is together.  A difficulty on its own may not make sense, but when it all comes together one day, it will make sense.”

I held onto that promise.  I knew that if God had allowed this difficulty, he would also provide a way through.

So here we are three years later and I can share my testimony on how great God is.  Not only did he get me through such a devastating time, but he also stayed true to his word and His promise.  More than ever, I am able to look back at those few lines that comforted me and grasp how far and wide God brought my brother’s passing to produce such beauty.

As a family, we can say that losing him was what brought us back to church.   The Easter following his death, I attended Fellowship Church and it became the catalyst to a life change not just for myself, but for my family, friends and even strangers.  You see it started out like a domino effect.  I invited my sister, my parents, and my in-laws. Then they began inviting other people as well.  Friends started coming and they started inviting people and the numbers just began to grow and grow.  So many baptisms have happened since then and so many lives have been changed as well.  I know the number will continue to grow and grow and it makes me happy.  God did above and beyond when he comforted me with that scripture.  He turned my loss into such a gain!

Not only have lives been changed, but I began following my purpose.  If you look back to my old entries, you will see how losing my brother changed me.  I started my blog and what was once so hard to do, became so simple.  I learned to be vulnerable with my words and share different topics that touched so many.

I have some exciting news to share!  But before I share that I would like to let you know that The Gentlewoman Evolution blog will come to an end.  While it makes me sad to end this blog after it brought me so much happiness, I am excited to announce my new adventures.  I am starting a new blog and also started a t-shirt line with an intent to share the sweet words and promises of our Lord! 

I can’t wait to announce the launch and I hope that you will join me on my new adventures.

Lord, thank you so much for my readers.  I pray that through ending one thing and starting something new, you will inspire others to follow their passions and gifts.  I pray that you will carry me through and guide my path as I embark on two new adventures.  I pray for strength, consistency, courage and patience.  I thank you so much for what you have placed in my heart and I thank you even more for keeping your promise of working all things for good.  Amen. 

Changes

New changes for the blog coming soon! 

Holy Anticipation

This could be the day.  

This could be the day it all clicks for me and I free fall into the next chapter of my life.  It could be the day my boss calls me in to let me know that I'm up for the next promotion.  This could be the day that a prayer could be answered. 

I've been reading the Prayer Circle by Mark Batterson once again.  This is my third time. The first time I read it was during the time I was having struggles at work.  I prayed and prayed for a new opportunity to come by way.  At the conclusion of the 40 day prayer challenge, I did not have an opportunity, but I did have holy anticipation. 

Mark tells us that this could be the day.  When we pray hard, when we trust and hold onto God's promises, we have this anticipation that today could be that very day where God answers the prayer we have been praying so hard for. 

I started journaling at the beginning of last year.  In this journal I kept all my prayers going, along with verses I was reading.  When I go back and read this journal I can see how the whole year unfolded.  I see the times I was struggling and how hard I was praying for God to answer my prayer of a new job opportunity.  I saw how eager I was for God to answer the prayer right away, only to see how it took longer than expected.  I also see that in the middle of it all, God was shaping me and teaching me so much.  Had he opened the door any sooner, I would have not experienced the blessing through the lesson.  I like to call those blessons.  

It was a long hard road.  Sometimes I felt like the prayer would never be answered, but I also see how encouraged I was, how I held onto His promises and how I stayed in holy anticipation for the door to open.  I knew in my heart that God would open that door and when He did, He did not fail me.  Six months later, I am so grateful for this opportunity to work at a location where I am surrounded by openly vocal believers and where I truly feel I am making a difference.  I could not be more happy or grateful for all that God has done in and through me over these past few months here at my employment.

So today my prayer isn't for a job, but for creativity, courage, confidence, strength and consistency as I embark on a new chapter in my life.  I know its cliché, but I'm using the New Year as a refresher to start over on a good note.  

I knew that if I wanted this to flourish the way it needed to be, then I needed to do something different.  I needed to do more than just pray, I needed to go back to what I did last year.  Fasting, journaling, praying and doing it all with a devoted heart that showed God how serious I am.  

If you feel you have been praying and praying and God hasn’t answered your prayer, I would like to encourage to do something different.  Start journaling, start fasting (could be from social media like I currently am or even from a certain food), and pray hard with holy anticipation.  It’s actually pretty fun and exciting.  I know God is able to do abundantly more than I could ever imagine. 

Today could be the day.  I am waking up with holy anticipation every day because I know my God did it for me once and I know He can do it for me again. 

Lord Jesus, today I pray that the prayers that are lifted to you will be answered one day, in one way or another.  I know you have our best interest at heart and that if today is not the day, then perhaps tomorrow.  We will trust on YOUR perfect timing and trust you when the answer is Yes, No or even Not Right Now.  God, we will devote ourselves like never before to reading the bible, the book with all answers and journaling and sacrificing through fasting because it is the spiritual atomic bomb that you have given us to destroy the strongholds of evil and usher in a great revival and spiritual harvest.  We love you and thank you for all the ways you have blessed our lives.  Amen. 

The Great Unknown

You called me out upon the waters, the great unknown.  

My feet may fail.  

I have a problem and it's called fear. I thought I had mastered down this fear thing when I resigned last year with no back up.  (Talk about trust without borders.)  I obeyed and followed through and found myself falling into the arms of the Everlasting.  In the process, my faith was made stronger and my character was built by letting go and letting God.

The process didn't come quickly for me.  If you remember, it was months and months of trying to do things on my own, before I finally gave up on trying to handle my problem myself and gave full control to the man upstairs.

Months later, I'm in the same predicament.  No, it's not over a job, but more so acting on a calling. God has called me to walk on water again, not literally, but figuratively. Walking on water means to do something that seems impossible.  It is to fully trust God with whatever he asks you to do. When Jesus called Peter to get out of the boat and walk towards him in the middle of lake, Peter was scared as most us would be.  Walk on water?  Impossible.  Jesus noticed his fear and quickly said, "Take courage.  It is I.  Do not be afraid." Peter got out of the boat, walked on water towards Jesus, but as soon as he took his eyes off of him and noticed the wind, he became afraid and began to sink.  "Lord save me" he cried.  Jesus immediately reached out to save him.  "You of little faith," he said, "Why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:22-23)

I always get choked up on that last part, "You of little faith.  Why did you doubt?"  That part resonates with me because I know that is what Jesus would tell me now.  I can pray and pray all day, every day, but if I don't put full trust or actually believe that God will sustain me through, then what good is it?  

We can pray over the same thing day in and day out hoping God will make a move, yet God is waiting for us to take action.  I can almost imagine Him, up in heaven, looking down over me saying, "Yes, I hear you daughter.  I can do all of that and more for you, but if you do not fully believe and trust me, then what good is it to answer your prayer?  You must trust me without borders. Come walk on water and see what great things can happen."

But. It's. so. hard. 

When my daughter was little, she was completely mortified of water.  You couldn't get her to get in the pool.  She so wanted to jump in and have fun with her cousins, but fear always held her back. Over the years she became brave and slowly started to dip her toes, then her legs and eventually she would make her way in and tip toe in the shallow area.  Just this last summer, she surprised me when she learned how to swim and became comfortable going underwater.  I was so proud.  While it took her a little longer than others to do something so simple as swimming, I knew that she had overcome her fear and it meant so much to see her swimming and splashing with her cousins.  

I know that is how God sees me.  He understands my fears and he knows that I struggle with control and the unknown and he constantly tries to put me in different situations and obstacles, not to punish me but to help me grow.  I would always tell my daughter, there's nothing to be scared of.  I'm here. Nothing will happen to you.  Just as I was encouraging her and ready to jump in and save her, God will do just the same.  We are his children and he wants nothing but the best for us. 

My goal this year is to keep my eyes above the waves.  To not flinch at the first sign of fear or any distraction, but instead to fix my eyes on He who created heaven and earth, because He has plans to prosper me and give me a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)  He has promised good things for me, I just need to trust without borders.  He's never failed and He won't stop now. 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. 

Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my savior. 

Today I pray that whoever is reading this will take heart and know that you - yes you can do anything through Christ who gives you strength! (Philippians 4:13)  I pray that whatever distractions come in the way of fulfilling the will of God will be recognized immediately.  The enemy knows how to strategically block you from the blessings of God and he will do it if you allow him to enter your mind and heart.  Rebuke him and he will flee. (James 4:7) Above all else, I pray that God stays front and center of your life and may you never forget that His love never fails.   

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year - Really?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year – but also one of the most stressful. By now I would have had the Christmas gift list done.  I would have Elf on the Shelf moving around every day.  As a family, we would have done all the Christmasy events around town and watched all the Christmas movies in anticipation for Christmas Day.

Instead, the month started with every distraction possible and all the things I had planned and scheduled went out the window.  I was disappointed, but the day I stayed home sick gave me time to spend time with my bible, my journal and a playlist of great music.  I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything on my to do list.  I wasn’t in control of how I felt and the only thing I could do was rest up to feel better.  I prayed and cried out from frustration and feelings of guilt as I tried to do it all once again. I came up short and began feeling bad about it.  I can’t make all the parties, I can’t give gifts to everyone and I can’t accommodate everything and everyone in this month. 

God gave me peace that day.  Honestly, He always has this way of redirecting me back to Him.  I have a bad habit of thinking “Okay, I got it.”  I slowly lean less on God and I get overwhelmed by focusing on the wrong thing instead of the God thing. 

Here we are less than two weeks away from the big day and it is slowly clicking that while we look towards this holiday as a big celebration of events, pictures and gifts that is NOT what makes this time special. 

I have spent my time in the hospital a lot this past week visiting a family member and my heart broke to see how many people are sick right now.  I felt bad for complaining about not doing all my traditions and yet here were families in the hospital not doing it either but for a completely different reason.  I felt like a complete jerk.  Our problems are small when compared to those problems of others. 

So while I didn’t check everything off my list of things to do, go or see, I can be grateful in knowing that God is always in control and when I feel so overwhelmed, He can sustain a peace in me that no one can take away.  He provides me with sweet reminders of His love on a constant basis.  He allows me to be in different situations, not to throw my month of order, but to open my eyes to recognize that there is a checklist He wants me to use that is not my own.

Thank you God for your unfailing love.  Thank you for always intervening in my life when I’m not focused on what is true, noble or right.  Help me to remember that this time isn’t about trying to do it all because I simply can’t.  The goal is to keep you front and center which will bring me joy through every season.  Thank you for giving your only Son to die on the cross for us.  You gave us the best gift that lasts for eternity.  May no one ever forget that. – Amen. 

Warrior

How do you stand firm in shaky times?  Do you crumble when you get set back in traffic?  Do you fall apart when you get that call from your doctor?  What about when you lose someone you love?  How do you handle those times that just suck?

Most of us, or possibly all of us have crumbled under pressure. Pressure from the world.  Pressure from work, from finances, relationships - you name it. It's hard to fight your own battle.  We'd like to think we can, but we turn up short, exhausted and emotionally drained.  I am guilty of this.  It's the controlling side of me that loves to solve my own problems.  I go off emotions and get caught up making rash decisions. I try to take the easy way - or what appears to be, only to find myself in a deeper hole than before.  Nothing works.  My way just doesn't work. 

When we get those phone calls that turn our day upside down we should not crumble and we should not place ourselves in a river of worry.  I know - you are thinking easier said that done.  I get it.  Even though I would consider myself  with faith as strong as a body builder, I too can falter and doubt. 

This world is not always a happy place.  It changed the day Eve took a bite out of that apple.  We have been told that we will have trails and tribulation in this world (John 16:33), so it shouldn't come as a surprise that we will have setbacks and sorrow.  But God didn't leave us out to dry.  He has equipped us to be warriors not worriers. 

A warrior is a brave solider engaged in warfare. While we are not physically fighting on a battlefield, we are in a war everyday against the evil one. We are literally fighting for our lives and the lives of others.  The enemy came to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) and you can bet your last dollar that he will do any and everything to make your time here on Earth a living hell. 

The good news is that we don't have to go through this war alone or unequipped.  God has instructed us many times in the bible not to fear (ex. Isaiah 41:10, John 14:27, Joshua 1:9).  He has also instructed us not to worry (Matthew 6:34).  So let us take heart and know that our God is a BIG God and He is in control.  If He allowed something to happen, please know that He will provide a way through.  So many times we are so quick to pray away our problems without realizing or appreciating the setback as a setup to something bigger and better. God uses all things for the greater good. (Romans 8:28). 

As soon as you feel the fear creep in, recognize that it is from the evil one.  He has studied us and knows our weaknesses. This is exactly where he will target us.  She's impatient, let's throw every detour down her way.  She's angry, oh this will be fun.  This one here, she's insecure.  Let's fill her head and let her think she's too fat.  Oh and that one, she's got trust issues.  Let's send her some creep to break her heart. All those daily battles we fight in our mind are all from him.  He will attack us in anyway he can.  He is the king of slime balls!  So how do we equip ourselves to fight these battles?  Simple.  Put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-19). 

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of sickness in the heavenly places.  Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.  Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness and having shod your feet with preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, and pray.....Ephesians 6:10-19

We have the strength and power of God but we must activate by devoting ourselves to His word that can only be found in the Bible.  Graduate from devotional to full devotion to God.  Read, memorize and speak the word of God.  Activate His Power. 

Lord, while we do not understand why we are facing what is currently at our feet, we trust that all things work for good.  You have promised beauty for ashes and we will hold onto that.  O' Lord it is not easy. We want to break and become angry and bitter.  But we shall not fall into the evil one's schemes.  We will activate your strength to sustain us through these trails. Lord your love never fails and today we want to thank you for being our rock, our comforter, our healer and most importantly our Savior.  Amen.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

In a world that has become so focused on the outward appearance, it is so hard to maintain or live up the new standard of beauty. There’s a lotion to battle winkles, a workout to cure the flabby tummy, a lipstick that will plump your lips, and under garments to tuck in that extra pound or two.  We buy everything that is advertised in hopes to look younger, prettier or skinnier yet, we don’t focus on the true beauty that lasts forever which is in our heart.

At the beginning of the year I turned 31 years young and I had told myself this was the year I was going to strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman.  What is a Proverbs 31 woman you ask?  Honey, she is errrrythang!  How we vision Beyonce is nothing in comparison to what a Proverbs 31 woman is – it’s on a holy nutha level.  A Proverbs 31 woman is a woman of great faith. She is a virtuous woman who is a great mother, wife, and servant.  She is a steward of finances and she has a great work ethic. She is full of inner beauty that only comes from Christ.  She is not perfect nor does she achieve to be.  Instead she lives a life with purpose, diligence, forgiveness and repentance. 

I don’t know about you but I’ve struggled being a girl in this world.  From a young age, I remember looking in the mirror and not liking myself.  I was too skinny, too dark and too tall.  Where I got this from who knows, but it was my reality.  It was engrained in my head that all my physical attributes were far from beautiful and instead I was filled with insecurities before I even entered puberty. 

As I got older, some insecurities fell off the map, but some stayed near and dear close enough to ruin a great day.  I allowed other people to steal my confidence, by simply believing their comments about myself.  What little confidence I had in myself was completely wiped off from an ex-boyfriend.  I constantly felt inferior to the beauty of other girls.  I was told many times that a man liked a woman with meat on her bones.  I was reminded that I had no shape or curves.  These comments were not made by men, but by females – who were supposed to be my friends.  But I grew out of that after a time of self-discovery.  As I got older, I began to accept myself more and more.  But then I had a baby and the weight piled on, the tummy turned mushy and I was on a road of trying to regain some confidence.  (Oh how we allow so much of this world to affect our minds and our thoughts.)  I was so guilty of that.  I had conformed and allowed the false representation of beauty to be present in my life.  While I may have said or thought different at the time, it was true and I was trying my hardest to live up to that standard.  When you aim for perfection, you get shot down real fast.  I kept chasing it and just found myself doing just that – chasing.

When I returned to my first love, I found that accepting yourself in every way was going to be something you could only find through Him.  Joel Osteen once said, “When you are feeling insecure or doubting yourself in any area of your life – repeat out loud, I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” How that verse (Psalm 139:14) got me through my most insecure moments, I can’t even explain. The moment I felt any kind of negative thought about myself, I would repeat that out and I would instantaneously feel better.

The desires to conform to the world have slowly been swept away from me.  However, I must admit, I am still human and I can still feel insecure, not just physically, but in all areas of my life – as a wife, parent, employee, friend, etc.   But God helps.  He says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” - Jeremiah 33:3 

If you are feeling down whether it is with your weight, looks, confidence as a parent or wife, be renewed by knowing that we are His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10).  Hold on to the hope of knowing that we are made in his image (Genesis 1:27) and that God doesn’t look at the outward as the world does, but instead, He looks at the heart.  (1 Samuel 16:7)

God can help you with your confidence.  Reach out and talk to him.  He will comfort you. (2 Corinthians 1:4)

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. – Romans 12:2

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. – Proverbs 31:30