Two are better than one

“Romantic love, it’s so sugar sweet.  It comes and goes.  You wanna know what love is about?  Give it when you feel nothing.”

This Saturday marks the 6^th wedding anniversary for my husband and I.  Today, as I look back on our years of marriage, I can’t help but think, if I knew then that marriage wasn’t like the movies, would I have been as excited to take the next step? If I were to look out at the troubled waters, would I have been so quick to jump in without a life jacket?

You never know how hard something is going to be until you take the plunge….parenting, college, career – everything we do in life  (that matters) takes time, sacrifice and work.  My outlook on marriage as a newlywed was simply thinking it would be so easy.  As long as you love each other, what troubles could really prevent you from having a successful marriage?  I didn’t understand why people got divorced, why people cheated on their spouses or why so many couples became roommates.  I ended up learning gradually that the excitement dwindles rather quickly. Children take over, finances become the root of most arguments, and the change from being single to married is a BIG adjustment for both the man and woman.  I would have to say that when my husband and I got married, we had more single friends than married friends.  I’m not saying married couples can’t have single friends, but we were on a different planet from our single friends.  We had children, they didn’t.  We couldn’t just get up and go and do the things that our friends were doing.  We did our best to keep up, but it became stressful financially, and took a toll on us as parents.  We went out a lot, spent money foolishly on nights we can’t remember and woke up exhausted the following morning with no energy for our children.  We had this vision to not become this married couple that couldn’t have fun, but we were taking the wrong approach.  Most of those nights we had a blast, but some nights the drinking would cause arguments.  Somewhere in those first two years, we had lost focus.  Marriage became mundane and even though we loved each other, things had changed. We were arguing over petty things and not honoring each other on the level we were created for. 

Our first years of marriage did not include any form of a relationship with God and if I look back I can tell you that was the missing piece.  Some of you may roll your eyes and think, oh here she goes bringing up the Jesus stuff, but I am not bringing it up just to bring it up -  this is my truth.  I knew I wanted to bring up my daughter in church and let her know about our creator, but when you go out on weekends, you really don’t wake up on Sunday mornings with the vitality to go to church.  That was my excuse all that time.  It was about this time 3 years ago that my husband and I planned a trip to Houston, Texas and we decided to visit Lakewood Church.  Chris knew I loved watching Joel Osteen on TV and he asked me if I wanted to go.  I think back to that day and I get chills because I know that was the catalyst moment in which our lives were forever changed.   We got up that morning and made our way to Lakewood Church and I am not exaggerating when I say that when we both went inside, we immediately felt the tears fill our eyes and a feeling of comfort take over.  The experience was amazing and when the offer to go up and have a church member pray for you presented itself, we got out of our seats and made our way to the front.  I remember the pastor asking what our prayer request was and as I opened my mouth to speak, the words couldn’t come out. I was crying and I didn’t know why.  Through my cracked voice, I asked him to pray for our marriage.  I don’t remember what he said, but that prayer was needed and our marriage has never been the same.  We didn’t immediately go from 0 – 100, but the steps to restore the honor for each other changed day by day and eventually we were back on the yellow brick road that would lead us to the new chapter in our marriage.

Perfection is not realistic.  Marriage is work.  It’s hard work.  It starts off easy, but through the years, it can easily become rocky.  I look back now and I think, how could I think it was easy?  If anything, I should have been thinking how could it not be hard.  Statistics show that 50% of all American marriages end in divorce.  So basically, we all a 50/50 chance.  That’s crazy! 

Chris and I are so lucky to be part of a church that has helped our marriage grow.  We have become friends with so many couples who are like us – fighting against the enemy to keep our marriage alive.  I am so proud to be part of a church that encourages dating your mate, speaking about marriage and family and having so many avenues to help.  Our marriage is far from perfect, we still argue every now and then, we get mad, we have hardships, but it’s not like before.  I am proud of far we have come and I’m proud that we look at each other as team.  “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.  But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

 

To my husband: 

I see all the troubled waters.  I’d jump in anyway.   

Love, Your rib