Gentlewoman, Dolores Moreno

This is probably one of the best things I’ve done in a long time.  Last night, I went to my mom’s house to interview her.  Let me be real honest, I expected my mom to get a little teary eyed, but I wasn’t prepared for what happened.  I get to the second question and my mom couldn’t even talk. She broke down and broke down again with literally almost every question.  What I told her, amidst the tears was, “Mom, this is good for you.  It’s good to get your story out.”  I heard bits and pieces over the years, but never got my mom’s story like this.  Just how you are getting to know my mother, the queen of all Gentlewoman in my eyes, I got to know her better too.  This has become the biggest blessing so far from this blog.

My mom came from a rough childhood.  From not feeling loved, being given away from her own mother to not knowing who her father was, to marrying and having children young, a failed marriage, all these unfortunate circumstances could have led her life in a different direction.  I love that her story ended in triumph.  I adore my mother and I am so motivated and touched by her story.  It really assures me that no matter what you go through in life, your circumstances do NOT define you or the path your life will take.  Mom, thank you for taking the road less traveled, it has made all the difference. 

My Mom

1.   For those people who don’t know you, can you tell me a little bit about yourself?

My name is Dolores Moreno.  I am a proud mother of 7 children.  I’ve been joyfully married for 32 years to my second husband, Avelino Moreno.  I really enjoy cleaning, decorating and of course shopping.  I also really enjoy going to church.  A little over a year ago, due to certain circumstances, I decided it was best for me to retire.  I can say this has been the happiest year of my life.

2.      I want to ask you about your childhood, only because I want people to see where you came from, which was a very unfortunate situation.  Your biological mom gave you up and you didn’t even know your biological dad.  Can you tell me about your childhood? Well to be honest, I really never had a childhood. My mom told me that my biological mom had given me up because she was very young.  She told me this at the age of 10.  My step mother, who was actually my aunt, said I was very sick when I was born, so my biological mom gave me to her, so she could raise me. My stepmom was very, very strict with me. I never felt loved.  I questioned why my mother gave me up to my aunt.  My stepmom expected me to be a grown up at a very young age.  She had me cleaning, cooking, everything a grown woman would do.  I remember having to run home from school to make sure I was making tortillas by the time she got home.    When I reached the age of 15, my stepparents took me to a family party and that’s where I met Jesse, who later became my husband. He was 15 and I was 16.  We started seeing each other and by the time I knew it, I got pregnant.  I tried to hide my pregnancy and instead of telling my mom, I ran away with him.  I can’t say I was in love, but I wanted to get away from the life I was living.  My mother ended up looking for me and she called the police.  They found me and took me juvenile. I ended up confessing to my mom that I was pregnant over the phone.  My mother was very upset and as soon as I was out of juvenile, she drove me and Jesse to Oklahoma to get married. In Texas you had to be 16 to get married and Jesse was only 15. After I got married, I ended up moving in with Jesse and his family. His family was very poor, but I didn’t care, at least there was love.  Something of which I had never felt as a child. When it was time to give birth, my mom told me that she would pay for the hospital. While at the hospital, she convinced me to give my son my maiden last name.  My mother ended up taking my first born away from me.  She said I was too young to support a child, and while I had no sort of income, nor did Jesse, my firstborn was now in the care of my mother. I thought that was best for him because he would have a home and food.  But it didn’t turn out to be so happy.  My mother wouldn’t even allow me to take care of him. She would rather take him to someone else to watch.  Meanwhile, I was now a drop out.  I didn’t finish high school and I went on to have 4 more children with my first husband.  As for my father, I never knew who he was. The first time I met him was actually at his funeral.  I must have been about 12 years old.  My parents took me to a funeral and told me that was my dad in the coffin. That’s all I’ve ever known about him. 

3.      When you were 16, you got pregnant.  You always told me you wanted to get out of the house because grandma was so mean to you.  How were things different back then for young teen moms versus today? Back then parents were so ashamed of their children if they got pregnant.  It wasn’t as common as it is today. Families would make you hide your pregnancy and make you get married, regardless of your situation.  You had no choice.  Schools were not preparing young adults with sex education or birth control information.   It was completely different.  Young girls didn’t have much of a voice.  There also was no support system or a way to help you finish school. 

4.   You ended up having 4 more children from your first marriage.  I’ve heard the stories of how your ex husband would leave you at home with the kids with no money and no food.  How difficult were those times?  Very difficult.  It got so bad to the point where I would have to dilute the milk by putting water to make it last.  I didn’t have food, and I would go to my mom’s house in attempt to try and ask for food but I would turn away because I knew she wouldn’t help me. My ex-husband was young and wanted to experience life.  He started to drink and became a womanizer.  I was always pregnant so that threw him off.  I am ashamed to say that I had to steal food, but I had to feed the kids.  He would come home drunk, demanding food that we didn’t have.  He also became physically abusive and would hit me.  It was a very difficult time in my life.

5.       Gilbert was your second child and became very ill shortly after you brought him home from the hospital.  Can you tell my readers a little more about your pregnancy with Gilbert and his illnesses as a child? By this time I was 18.  I was really looking forward to having this baby.  I almost felt like Gilbert was my first born because I was actually going to be able to keep him. Gilbert was born and after we took him home we knew something was wrong.  He would cry and cry so bad.  We took him to the hospital and the doctors said he had a heart murmur and would need heart surgery. Heart surgery was completed successfully, but then he had to have surgery on his lungs.  The surgery on his heart had actually caused fluid to build up in his lungs. When Gilbert had this surgery, he would scream out for me, but the nurses wouldn’t let me in the room.  It was a very difficult time - a mother’s worst nightmare. I remember being in the hospital, sleeping day after day until he got well.  He ended up recovering from those two surgeries.  Later at the age of 6, they called me from school that he had fainted. We took him to the doctor and they told me he had an abscess in his brain.  Gilbert had to have brain surgery and remarkably he pulled out of that.  I remember the doctors telling me that he wouldn’t live past the age of 15. During this time, I always wondered why this was happening.  I was very sad. Once Gilbert had all his surgeries he led a semi normal life.  He couldn’t participate in sports, but that didn’t deteriorate his spirit.  He had a great sense of humor, very outgoing and very caring.

6.       How were you able to leave your first husband?  Was it easy?  What was the hardest part? It was easy because God had placed a good man in my life.  Jesse and I had separated for about a year. During this time, I met my now husband, a man everyone told me not to marry because they thought all he wanted was his papers.  Once we were serious about our relationship, I went to get a divorce.  It was so much easier to get a divorce back then.  I remember going in and paying $150 and got my divorce.  After that Jesse tried to make it hard on me and my husband. He would stalk us and try to make my life hard.  When we separated, he took the boys and I kept the girls.  Once he found out I was dating, he brought me all the kids.  He wanted to make it as hard as he could so no one would want me with all the kids.

7.   You ended up meeting my dad and with that came happiness but also brought forth a new set of problems with your ex husband and with my other siblings.  How difficult was that time?  How were you able to create a blended family? That has been the hardest part of being a mother.  My kids from my first marriage didn’t understand that when I had my last two, things were different.  They always questioned why they didn’t have the things that my last two had.  Their dad was different.  He was never home and there was never money.  By the time I had married my second husband, my kids were teenagers. My husband let me discipline them; he never stepped in unless they disrespected me.  It was harder with the girls than the boys.  There were things I was able to do for my last two children versus my first five.  I was also much older when I had my last two.  (34 and 36)  I know life wasn’t fair for my children in my first marriage, but the circumstances were out of my control.  I wish things could have been different. 

8.  You were raised Catholic, but you were introduced to the Christian church which then became your life.  Can you tell me about that time period in your life?  During my first marriage, I remember going to St. Edwards Catholic church, always wanting God to change my life. I remember kneeling down and praying but I never felt anything.  Things just got worse.  My aunt was going to a Christian church and ended up inviting me.  I went and when I went in there I thought all the people were crazy. They were singing, clapping, dancing, praising God, but I wasn’t use to that.  I really thought they were crazy.  I really wanted something different in my life and that’s how I ended up there.  I remember the pastor asking people to come to the alter for those who needed prayer.  I went up and just felt a load come off of me.  It felt so good. I was so excited that I went home to tell my husband who was also Catholic.  He went and the same thing happened to him.  We knew we had found something and we ended up falling in love with God.  We started giving to the church and going every Sunday.  When you are trying to do good, there are always distractions and temptations.  We eventually forgot about God. We got caught up in these distractions and eventually stopped going.  Fortunately, we have found the best church, Fellowship Church. That is where majority of my family goes now. 

9.       I am really proud to have you as a mom.  Against all odds, you were able to come out on top in my eyes.  You always give God credit for everything you have and for how far you’ve come. Looking back, is this how you viewed your life to be?    I don’t look at the material things; I mainly thank God for my health.  I didn’t think far ahead when I was young.  I use to shop at garage sales, and thrift stores.  I never had dreams or goals. No one ever motivated me or believed in me.  All my blessings just came and they happened.  I remember when I was little, I had this little Bible.  I remember writing in it, “God, I hope they don’t hit me today.” I wanted peace and I wanted to feel love.  I didn’t get that when I was a little girl.  I think God has rewarded me.  He has given me beauty for ashes. I feel His love.  I know that He loves me.  None of my accomplishments or blessings including material things have been able to compare to the love I feel from God. 

10. We lost a very special person in our family last year.  Your son (my brother) is no longer here with us on Earth, but awaiting us in the kingdom of God.  From a mother’s point of view, how does it feel to lose a child?  I’m gonna be honest.  When Gilbert was in the hospital, it was torment.  I didn’t want him to suffer.  So when God took him from me, it was sad, but it was worse seeing him go through what he did.  God let me have him for 40 plus years, more than double what doctors predicted.  He is still alive in my heart. I try not to cry for him because I know that he wouldn’t want me to cry. One thing I noticed when this happened, I think God prepared me, like he prepares all of us.  Things are gonna happen, but He gives you Peace and you learn to accept it. 

11.   What is the best piece of advice you have ever received? That God loves me regardless of my past or my upbringing. That fulfills me.

June 2013 - Baptism Day

12.   Who inspires you?  Why? Life, inspires me, because it has so many changes.  I love to see the sun.  I love to go outside.  I see things different now- maybe because I’m older.  I value little things like flowers. Second, my husband. When I met him, he didn’t know how to drive.  He didn’t speak English.  He always wanted to be something in life.  He has so many dreams and he is so strong.  He didn’t let his circumstances bring him down or keep him from realizing his dreams. He takes care of everything.  He’s a hard worker and he is an excellent father and grandfather. He is also a man of faith. 

    Third, is Ali. She is the reason why I stopped working.  We almost lost her and my daughter during labor.  It took me 3 months of praying to God and asking him what I should do. I was scared to retire, worrying if we would make it without my income. I remember God telling me, if you take care of this angel, I will take care of all your needs.  So that is my life now.  I get up in the mornings and I take care of Ali.  It has been the best year of my life.  I am so happy I retired.

13.   What do you think women in our generation need to hear? Oh man, first of all I don’t want to be too much with the Jesus stuff, but you need God in your life.  That’s the ONLY way.  I’ve learned that.  Also, don’t believe what people say.  People use to tell me, “Who’s going to want you with 5 kids?”  Someone did want me. A GOOD man in fact. 

14.   What are your dreams? My dream is to live to 100 and to see all my grandkids graduate and go to college.  I’m also dreaming for a new house.  It’s all in God’s hands. 

15.  What are you most proud of? Myself. Because I can do what a 20 year old can do, if not more.  I have lots of energy.  I love to help.  I don’t feel my age.  I’m proud that I’m in good health. These days with so many divorces, I’m proud I stood by my husband.  We had issues here and there, but it was all worth it.  Our grandkids, they are our reward. I am also proud to have 7 wonderful adult children that I love with all my heart.