Dec 4, 2014

Iron Sharpens Iron



As this year comes to an end, I wanted to analyze the year and figure out, in my opinion, the best thing this year gave me.  Was it something I learned?  Something I gained?  An area I grew in?  As I began to reflect, one thing immediately jumped out at me – THEY!  The right “THEY” as my pastor says. 

I have friends – some old and some new.  Some I have known for years and some only for months.  Some friends I see frequently, while others I only see occasionally.  I value all of my friendships, but what I found this year is something completely different.  To quote my pastor once again, “It’s on a whole nutha level.” 

My life has changed.  I don’t necessarily hang out with all the friends I use to hang out with.  No particular reason other than the fact that as individuals, we all start growing apart.  Our lives get moved in different directions.  We get married, have kids and our time with friends gets cut back.  Yes, you can still be friends and celebrate each other on birthdays, etc, but if you are not spending time with each other on a consistent basis, do you really know what each other is going through?

I’ll admit, I was never the type of person to spill out my problems out so quickly, even with close friends.  Every so often, there were times where I felt out of place with friends who I had known for years.  When I got married and when I was pregnant, I honestly felt there was no one I could relate to.  None of my friends were married at the time and none of them had children.  I was also now a step mother which brought forth challenges for me.  I looked around and no one around me seemed to be in my shoes so how could they understand? I went many years dealing with different things and never opened up much to anyone – it was probably due to different reasons - embarrassment, shame, pride, insecurity, etc.  Many times all we see is the exterior and we look at people and we think they have it all figured out and everything seems to be working in their favor.  I’ve learned it is never as it seems.  Everyone is facing something at any given moment.  There’s more to everyone than the happy pictures we post on Facebook.

I wrote a blog a few months back titled, “When you know better, you do better."  I opened up to the fact that the period in which I lost my brother,  I felt that none of my friends really stepped in to be there for me.  It made me feel bad and if I talk about it long enough – even to this day – I will get teary eyed and even a bit angry.    However, during this time, the situation really made me take a look at myself.  Something inside of me said, “You are looking at everyone else, but look at yourself.  Were you always there for your friends in their time of need?”  Talk about a wakeup call.  I know I wasn’t.  Instead of focusing on everyone else, I started focusing on myself and the type of friend I was. 

I use to always throw myself these pity parties on how no one understood or could completely relate to me, yada, yada, yada.  What God did next in my life is amazing.  I was offered to become a group lead at my church’s womens group, Flavour Sisterhood.  Once I got over the nervousness, I agreed.  They placed me in a group for Moms with Teens.  I remember thinking I was going to be stuck with a bunch of older ladies – God, what are you doing?  I wanted to relate to people, not feel more distant from them.  The first meeting showed me that my perception of what women would be in my group was completely wrong.  In fact, I became very close to two of those women.  They were in my age group and happened to have additional children who were about my daughter’s age.  I even featured one of those women here on my blog, Priscilla Gonzalez.

While serving at church a door was opened bringing forth an array of people from all walks of life.  Older, younger, white, black, brown, parents, married couples, singles and everything in between.  I started noticing that these people were different.  They seemed to be so positive and uplifting at all times.  I was able to learn many things from just hearing their story and becoming so motivated by their strength and unshakable faith. Some of the people I met have been through hell and back, but you would never know it.   As I got to know these people and as my husband and children became friends with them as well, it really altered my life – our lives.  A vital reason for the closeness came through a group that some friends of ours  created called, “Spouse Strong” - here we were able to connect and build friendships with other couples.  Not only that, we were able to focus on our marriage and have a safe haven where we could open up and pray with others to strengthen the commitment we have made with our spouses.  It has been completely life changing and has been a crucial piece in the recommitment my husband and I have made towards our marriage.

An abundance of friendships have been made this year, some of them have been new friends and others have been old friendships that have blossomed or have been restored.  One of the greatest things that I experienced this year was the destruction of my feelings of solitary.  It was just a few weeks ago I was going through a trying time at work.  Instead of dealing with the situation alone I learned to reach out to others for help, guidance, advice and prayer.  I sent a text message out and I kid you not, back to back responses of prayer and uplifting messages were sent my way.  It was so overwhelming for me.  I didn’t know how to react.  I was touched from the love and support and I felt great.  I have a support system!  Thank you Jesus!  I finally get what my church preaches about getting to know the right people – The Right They! 

I learned to let my walls down and trust people with the most vulnerable side of me.  I never thought that would happen.  As a society and especially as women, I sometimes feel we get use to the idea that there is no such thing as a true friend. Every time you turn around you see another woman backstabbed from her once “friend”.  You see people who are friends but secretly jealous or envious of one another who are not able to lift each other up or support each other at their fullest potential.  I know I’m not alone when I say even though we are surrounded by people, we can at times feel alone.  I know because I’ve witnessed other people confess to the same feelings I had.  I think when you find the right “THEY” you learn that isn’t the case.  You are willing and ready to share your pain, your weakness and know that someone will not ridicule you or turn around and gossip about you.  It is the complete opposite.  Instead, they will pray for you and help you get back up.  So where can you find the right “They”?  Simple – at church.  Commit and surround yourself with other believers. 

A few weeks ago when I was thinking of writing on the topic of friendships, I sat across from my husband at Pei Wei reliving the memories of how I felt when my brother passed and the emptiness I felt when it came to the people who were there for me.  My eyes began to fill with tears and I said to him, “I know that if I was going to Fellowship Church when my brother passed things would have been completely different.  These people I’ve met, they would have been there at the hospital, at the viewing, at the funeral.  They would have hugged me, cried with me and prayed for me.”  At that point I knew the difference and I was so thankful.  The next time I’m faced with a hardship they will be there for me.  The even better thing is when I have something to celebrate, they will be praising Jesus right next to me.  That’s what life is about - having people to lift you up when you are down and celebrate you when you receive those special blessings from our Lord and Savior.  








P.S. For those friends of mine who are reading this I want to keep extending the invite to Fellowship Church.  The reason why I’m always asking, “When are you going to church?” isn’t to make you feel one way or another, it’s to get you plugged in.  I want you to feel what I feel.  I want your life to be changed the way mine has.  I love you so much that I want you to join me.  I want our friendship to flourish, I want our kids to grow up with each other and blossom into the next generation leaders.  I want you to reach out to me when you are going through difficulties and I want to do the same with you.  Friendship is more than just getting together to celebrate on birthdays.  Please join me this coming Sunday at Fellowship Church. I promise you won’t regret it. 

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