As this year comes to an end, I wanted to analyze the year
and figure out, in my opinion, the best thing this year gave me. Was it
something I learned? Something I gained? An area I grew in?
As I began to reflect, one thing immediately jumped out at me – THEY! The
right “THEY” as my pastor says.
I have friends – some old and some new. Some I have
known for years and some only for months. Some friends I see frequently,
while others I only see occasionally. I value all of my friendships, but
what I found this year is something completely different. To quote my pastor
once again, “It’s on a whole nutha level.”
My life has changed. I don’t necessarily hang out with
all the friends I use to hang out with. No particular reason other than
the fact that as individuals, we all start growing apart. Our lives get
moved in different directions. We get married, have kids and our time
with friends gets cut back. Yes, you can still be friends and celebrate
each other on birthdays, etc, but if you are not spending time with each other
on a consistent basis, do you really know what each other is going through?
I’ll admit, I was never the type of person to spill out my
problems out so quickly, even with close friends. Every so often, there
were times where I felt out of place with friends who I had known for
years. When I got married and when I was pregnant, I honestly felt there
was no one I could relate to. None of my friends were married at the time
and none of them had children. I was also now a step mother which brought
forth challenges for me. I looked around and no one around me seemed to
be in my shoes so how could they understand? I went many years dealing with
different things and never opened up much to anyone – it was probably due to
different reasons - embarrassment, shame, pride, insecurity, etc. Many
times all we see is the exterior and we look at people and we think they have
it all figured out and everything seems to be working in their favor.
I’ve learned it is never as it seems. Everyone is facing something at any
given moment. There’s more to everyone than the happy pictures we post on
Facebook.
I wrote a blog a few months back titled, “When you know better, you do better." I opened up to the fact that the period in which
I lost my brother, I felt that none of my friends really stepped in to be
there for me. It made me feel bad and if I talk about it long enough –
even to this day – I will get teary eyed and even a bit angry.
However, during this time, the situation really made me take
a look at myself. Something inside of me said, “You are looking at
everyone else, but look at yourself. Were you always there for your
friends in their time of need?” Talk about a wakeup call. I know I
wasn’t. Instead of focusing on everyone else, I started focusing on
myself and the type of friend I was.
I use to always throw myself these pity parties on how no
one understood or could completely relate to me, yada, yada, yada. What
God did next in my life is amazing. I was offered to become a group lead
at my church’s womens group, Flavour Sisterhood. Once I got over the
nervousness, I agreed. They placed me in a group for Moms with
Teens. I remember thinking I was going to be stuck with a bunch of older
ladies – God, what are you doing? I wanted to relate to people, not feel more
distant from them. The first meeting
showed me that my perception of what women would be in my group was completely wrong. In fact, I became very close to two of those
women. They were in my age group and
happened to have additional children who were about my daughter’s age. I even featured one of those women here on my
blog, Priscilla Gonzalez.
While serving at church a door was opened bringing forth an
array of people from all walks of life.
Older, younger, white, black, brown, parents, married couples, singles
and everything in between. I started
noticing that these people were different.
They seemed to be so positive and uplifting at all times. I was able
to learn many things from just hearing their story and becoming so motivated by
their strength and unshakable faith. Some of the people I met have been through
hell and back, but you would never know it.
As I got to know these people and as my husband and children became
friends with them as well, it really altered my life – our lives. A vital
reason for the closeness came through a group that some friends of ours created called, “Spouse Strong” - here we were
able to connect and build friendships with other couples. Not only that, we were able to focus on our marriage
and have a safe haven where we could open up and pray with others to strengthen
the commitment we have made with our spouses.
It has been completely life changing and has been a crucial piece in the
recommitment my husband and I have made towards our marriage.
An abundance of friendships have been made this year, some
of them have been new friends and others have been old friendships that have blossomed
or have been restored. One of the
greatest things that I experienced this year was the destruction of my feelings
of solitary. It was just a few weeks ago
I was going through a trying time at work.
Instead of dealing with the situation alone I learned to reach out to
others for help, guidance, advice and prayer.
I sent a text message out and I kid you not, back to back responses of
prayer and uplifting messages were sent my way.
It was so overwhelming for me. I
didn’t know how to react. I was touched
from the love and support and I felt great.
I have a support system! Thank
you Jesus! I finally get what my church
preaches about getting to know the right people – The Right They!
I learned to let my walls down and trust people with the
most vulnerable side of me. I never
thought that would happen. As a society
and especially as women, I sometimes feel we get use to the idea that there is
no such thing as a true friend. Every time you turn around you see another woman
backstabbed from her once “friend”. You
see people who are friends but secretly jealous or envious of one another who
are not able to lift each other up or support each other at their fullest
potential. I know I’m not alone when I
say even though we are surrounded by people, we can at times feel alone. I know because I’ve witnessed other people
confess to the same feelings I had. I
think when you find the right “THEY” you learn that isn’t the case. You are willing and ready to share your pain,
your weakness and know that someone will not ridicule you or turn around and
gossip about you. It is the complete
opposite. Instead, they will pray for
you and help you get back up. So where
can you find the right “They”? Simple –
at church. Commit and surround yourself
with other believers.
A few weeks ago when I was thinking of writing on the topic
of friendships, I sat across from my husband at Pei Wei reliving the memories
of how I felt when my brother passed and the emptiness I felt when it came to
the people who were there for me. My
eyes began to fill with tears and I said to him, “I know that if I was going to
Fellowship Church when my brother passed things would have been completely different.
These people I’ve met, they would have
been there at the hospital, at the viewing, at the funeral. They would have hugged me, cried with me and
prayed for me.” At that point I knew the
difference and I was so thankful. The
next time I’m faced with a hardship they will be there for me. The even better thing is when I have
something to celebrate, they will be praising Jesus right next to me. That’s what life is about - having people to
lift you up when you are down and celebrate you when you receive those special
blessings from our Lord and Savior.
P.S. For those friends of mine who are reading this I want
to keep extending the invite to Fellowship Church. The reason why I’m always asking, “When are
you going to church?” isn’t to make you feel one way or another, it’s to get
you plugged in. I want you to feel what
I feel. I want your life to be changed
the way mine has. I love you so much
that I want you to join me. I want our
friendship to flourish, I want our kids to grow up with each other and blossom
into the next generation leaders. I want
you to reach out to me when you are going through difficulties and I want to do
the same with you. Friendship is more
than just getting together to celebrate on birthdays. Please join me this coming Sunday at
Fellowship Church. I promise you won’t regret it.
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