Lose Control

Music make you lose control, Music make you lose control…..

I along with the rest of the world was watching the epic Missy Elliot Superbowl performance.  She killed it.  The very next day, I went on Spotify and added all her hits to my playlist.  “Lose Control” was on repeat, giving me the boost that I needed to get through the day.  It was pretty ironic that I was sitting at work listening to this song about “losing control” and all the meanwhile, that’s what was happening in my work life.  No, I was not going bonkers at work, but I was battling with a situation that I was unable to fix.  I had no control over what was happening, however, I had just spent the last six months trying to do so.   

I have been working for an apartment management company for the last six years. There was a point in which I was so happy. I was promoted within the first two years, I was excelling and learning so much about Human Resources, an area that I had grown to love.  I was getting impressive annual reviews on my job performance, raises and bonuses were given every year and I loved the people I worked with – what more could I ask for?  Well the decline of my excitement started sometime last year.  I was beginning to feel plateaued in my position. Some areas of my work load became mundane, but overall I was content.  It wasn’t until my growth as a person began to excel that I began to want more for myself in all realms of my life.  After I read The Alchemist, oh wow, I REALLY wanted more.  I didn’t feel I had to settle where I was and I figured that I needed to change something in order to get out of the comfortable little bed I had been lying in.  I was so empowered by The Alchemist that I started looking at my job as “not for me”.  I knew I was capable of so much more and so I felt as if I was wasting my time at this job that was no longer fulfilling me. 

So many things started to irritate me – my boss who I realized wasn’t coaching or mentoring me the way I wanted, the co-worker who wore too much perfume and gave me a headache, the negativity, heck – even the super loud typing of my coworker was becoming a beat down. I began to feel unhappy and I am sure it showed in my work performance.  I hated going to work and I found myself thinking of any and all ways to fix the rut I was in.  After all those hours of going back and forth in my head with myself, there was no solution.  Instead, the mind monsters brought more negativity to my life.  Meanwhile, some changes at work occurred and I found myself in a more pitiful stump.  Things just got worse.  So what do you do when you dislike your job?  You just want to get out and find a better job with more money, better coworkers and a way better boss.  I begin job searching and the funny thing is nothing sparked my interest, but I began applying to random job listings, hoping for a quick fix to my situation.  That didn’t work because I wasn’t getting any call backs.  That added to my stress.  Why am I not getting any responses to my applications?  What the heck?! 

Somewhere along all this mess, I mustered up the courage to actually talk to my boss about my concerns and unhappiness.  After I spoke with her, man I felt so much better.  Wish I would have done that months prior, but hey, better late than never, right?  I left her office hopeful of change, but what I found out immediately after was nothing really changed and that became so disheartening.  I then became irritated by my boss and felt that I would give her a chance to change things and if she didn’t, well, I would be out that door so quick………………  I was still job searching, but became more eager to leave than ever before.  Nothing.  No call backs, no interesting and appealing job listings. 

My poor husband.  He became my listening ear and heard all my rants about work.  Friends began to hear some of my complaints and while I asked for prayer for my situation, I honestly wasn’t seeking God in my situation.  Well, yes I did pray, but I was praying for all the wrong things.  Fix it.  Change it.  Make it better.  That’s what I wanted.  I was like a nagging two year old and God was simply ignoring me – or so that’s how I felt. 

Every morning I asked God for patience, for clarity, but it wasn’t really coming from my heart.  One day, I just said, “God, I’m tired of feeling this way.  I know there must be something you want me to learn though all this mess, but I just don’t know what.  Please reveal yourself to me.”   I was over throwing my pity party, and I finally began to take notice of the signs God had been placing in front of me. He was not ignoring me, in fact, he had been trying to teach me something and I unfortunately was just not having it.  But it all goes back to my A type behavior.  I wanted to fix my situation.  I was being selfish by trying to fix it myself first.  It wasn’t until all my ideas ran out that I surrendered and asked God to take over. It was my “Jesus, take the wheel” moment.   

And so Jesus took the wheel and he began to drive and lead me to different rest stops, different cities and towns.  The first stop was learning to love everyone the way he does.  I had to stop looking at the people who I didn’t like at work and begin to look at them with loving eyes.  I remember telling my husband, ugh, this is going to be hard.  I don’t want to be nice to this person, but the funny thing is that when I started being nice they ended up being pretty OK.  I forgave my boss for the different things she said or did to make me feel upset.  I wasn’t going to allow her behavior to bring me down.  I will have to say at first it was hard, but I do remember telling my husband, I’m gonna have to fake it to make it.  What I meant was that at first, I was forcing myself to be kinder, to forgive and to grin a smile when all I wanted to do was throw in the towel and walk out.  Eventually, those feelings subsided and I ended up being the old me, the girl who once loved her job, appreciated her job and went the extra mile.

The second stop was letting go.  I am very much a planner, super organized, OCD, super detailed and very much a type A personality.  I plan everything.  My weekly dinner meals are always done, laundry and household chores have to be done or I freak out.  If I forget something or if something is thrown off I freak out as well.  I live off to do lists and I tend to hold the stress of work and home and it’s not a very good mix.  I found myself lying in bed next to my husband on a Sunday night watching Super Soul Sunday with guest Devon Franklin, producer and author of Produced by Faith.  If you have a chance, catch the episode.  I was laying there with tears running down my eyes because it was as if this person, Devon Franklin was speaking directly to me, about me. One of the things he said, and I will never forget.  I even jotted it down in my journal that night.

There are only (2) two things you can control in life.  1. How you prepare for what may happen and 2. How you react to what just happened.  Dang Jesus, you got me.  There was my answer to what He was trying to tell me.  Not only that.  The next morning as I was pulling into work, I was finishing my prayer by asking God again (cause I couldn’t believe it the first time) to reveal himself to me just to let me know this is what he wanted me to hear.  Well low and behold, this is what I found:

                                             

Sometimes it's not a bad idea to forgo the corporate, routine 9-to-5 gig in favor of your own biz: SELFMade Collective blogger Brittani Rettig (check her out on GritByBrit.com!) recently quit her high-profile consulting career to open my own fitness studio, and hasn't looked back much since. In doing, Rettig's not missing the weekly travel and expense account—but know it wasn't a knee-jerk decision, rather, this was something she prepped for for over two years. Check out her insights—all summarized into nine neat questions—before you decide to go out on your own.   

1. What do I dislike about my current job?  

Generally, job dissatisfaction tends to fall in one of two camps: 1) “I dislike my job because it’s hard,” or  2) “I dislike my job because I don’t care about what I’m doing.”  

If you fall in the latter camp (like I did), this may signal that you should change career paths.  

Hardships and challenges are actually good. They build grit and help us achieve long-term goals.  I highly discourage quitting your job because it’s hard or because you have to work with difficult people.  These are temporary situations and you can control how you handle them.  But if you don’t care about what you’re doing, it’s difficult to be passionate about your work.  

2. Am I emotionally stable?

My dad always told me to never send an email when I’m angry and to never make a decision in a valley.  Likewise, it’s probably not a good idea to quit your job if you’re in the midst of tough life experience.  I considered quitting earlier this year when I had to work with a leader that I simply did not like.  At times I was so angry and frustrated I just wanted to throw in the towel.  But now I’m glad that I toughed it out because I was able to reach my savings goals and leave my firm on good terms with a positive reputation.

3. What energizes me?

Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t dislike my consulting career.  In fact I LOVED it. However, once I started teaching group fitness, I realized that I had an excitement about leading workouts that I simply didn’t have in consulting.  I’m learning to lean into the things that energize me—and I encourage you to do the same.

4.  What is my gift?

I love this quote from Pablo Picasso: “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” I believe that our “gift” is any talent/skill that we can share with others to help them live life more abundantly.  It’s often something that we are both naturally good at and enjoy doing. Often, you can discover you gift by answering question #3 – find what energizes you!

Okay, I got it.  So lesson is I can’t control what life throws at me.  The only thing I can control is the way I respond.  Got it. 

I have been going into work each day now with a brand new attitude.  At the end of the day, God sees it all.  If he wants to open a door for me, he will.  He’s God.  He has the power.  He has the power to change my situation at any given time, but if he had opened a door prior to me leaning this valuable lesson, I wouldn’t have the wisdom that I have now or the ability to let it go.  Don’t get me wrong, everything still isn’t peachy keen, but all I can do in the meantime is control the way I react.  I’m choosing to let it go and be happy knowing that God is proud of me for paying attention to his direction, for allowing myself to listen and persevere in the midst of trouble. 

Take away for today is stay positive.  If you don’t feel like God is listening to you, take off your blinders and let your situation go – fully.  Once you give up control of the situation, you will put your dependence on God and seek Him.  He will make all things work for good, if you just believe. 

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. – Psalm 32:8

“Lord, if it’s you, “Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said.  Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came to Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.  “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” – Matthew 14:28-32

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds. - James 1:2

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.  In all your ways know, recognize and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. – Proverbs 3:5-6