Selena

March 31, 1995 - that was the day all young Latina girl heart’s were broken.  Our hero, our idol had been murdered, and for many girls like me, who were Mexican American and of elementary age were left with no one else to admire.  Selena was one of the top Tejano performers, in fact, she was named the “Best selling Latin artist of the decade” by Billboard for her fourteen top-ten singles in the Top Latin Songs chart, including seven number-one hits.  It was such a tragedy that at the peak of her career and the brink of a new start in English music, she would be fatally shot, by the former president of her fan club. 

I’ll never forget that day.  I was attending Ben Milam Elementary School and my mom had picked me up from school.  She told me what happened and at that point, word had already spread that she had been killed.  At first, I didn’t believe it, but it was all over the radio station.  I didn’t say much, just looked out the window and began to shed a tear.  Selena was everything to me at the time.  My parents had raised my sister and I on Tejano music and I knew Selena’s music as far back as I can remember.  I even saw her live, I believe it was in Fair Park.  She was wearing a black bustier with rhinestones and a black cap to match and a blazer over.  My dad put me on his shoulders and maneuvered through the audience so I could get as close as possible.  I knew every single lyric (even though I didn’t speak much Spanish) and I knew every dance move.  To credit Selena, she taught me so much of everything.  I learned how to dance because of her, I probably ended up learning more Spanish because of her and I had dreams because of her.  Of course, at that age, and that time, every little girl’s dream was to be Selena.  I know I was one of them.  She was the only Mexican-American woman that we had to look up to.  She embraced her culture and she stayed humble and driven.  Selena laid a path for all of us to be someone in life. 

I had every cassette and later on I had every CD.  I even had my parents purchase a microphone stand for me at Trader’s Village because I was so determined I would be the next Selena (even with no sense of singing talent).  My cousins, sister and I would hold Selena contests and we would rate each other on who impersonated Selena the best.  When Selena passed, I begged my mom to purchase every magazine and newspaper that had Selena on it.  I created a binder with all my clippings, and reread every word a million times.  And you know, Selena she gave us all the same homecoming, Quinceanera and prom hairstyle. She set trends even before they were created with her outfits that she personally helped create and style, her hairstyles, her makeup and even her business adventures of a clothing line, perfume, salon and boutique. That kind of success was unheard of for a Mexican American, much less a woman.  Selena taught us that the impossible was possible.

Aside from Selena’s success, she visited local schools to talk to students about the importance of education.  She also donated her time to civic organizations such as D.A.R.E.  Her dedication to stay true to herself and help others is what won her loyal fans.  To this day, the generation of Selena still longs for the days when Selena was alive.  We all know she would have kicked butt in the English music industry.  We would have all supported her.   

This picture has been circulating over social media and it’s so true, “Selena did it first.”  I love that she has inspired not only the Latin culture, but every culture.  She was ahead of the gang, and while she only lived 23 short years, she really did it all and she did it first.

Coming of Age

Coming of Age

When I turned 15, my parents threw me a Quinceanera celebration. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is the celebration of a girl’s fifteenth birthday, which is celebrated in the Latino community.  This birthday is symbolic of the transition of childhood to young womanhood.   There is the ultima muneca “the last doll”, which signifies that a girl is no longer in need of such a toy, the father/daughter dance which highlights the importance of the father as the first man in a girl’s life, etc.  The celebration of the transition was great and I’ll cherish those moments forever, but it got me thinking - could we have a such thing as a “Treinta” (30^th birthday celebration).  I almost feel as though that is the age where you finally feel like you are no longer immature, but finally an adult.  (That or maybe I am just a late bloomer.) 

I was in the car the other day with my husband and the new Foster the People song came on, “Coming of Age”.  I had listened to this song plenty of times before, but on this day the words were loud as thunder, “I feel like I’m finally coming of age.”  Wait, what?  Coming of Age.  What does that really mean?

Merriam-Webster: the attainment (the action or fact of achieving a goal toward which one has worked) of prominence (the state of being important), respectability (the state or quality of being proper, correct and socially acceptable), recognition or maturity (fully developed, full grown)

Wikipedia: Is a young person’s transition from childhood to adulthood.

I went and googled the lyrics and while I couldn’t relate to all the words, I connected with the chorus, “I feel like I’m finally coming of age.”  Yes, that’s how I feel.  I really feel like I’m coming of age.  I’m concerned about how much percentage I have on my 401K, I’m concerned about saving and being better at my finances, I’m concerned about my health, my faith, my family, my children.  I’m in love with Home Depot and I’m devoted to spending 4 grand on my house than taking a vacation.  I’m…..(gasp) a grown up. 

Now, I don’t believe that you have to be obsessed over what I mentioned for you to be a grown up, but good gosh, I feel like I finally get it.  All the things my parents told me, I really get it now.  Even when I was first married and had Mia, I still didn’t feel like an adult.  I made bad choices and didn’t have a financial plan in place.   I lived in the moment rather than thinking long term.  I know I touched briefly into this topic in my 30^th post, but I seriously feel after I turned 30, it went into full effect.  And while I feel this way, I don’t feel old.  I still feel young, I just feel like I’m a matured young person.  Just as the Hannah Montana song says, “You get the best of both worlds, mix it all together and you know that it’s the best of both worlds.”

Tell me, when did you realize you were finally an adult?

Where are they now? Part II

As a continuation from my post the other day, I just want to give you a follow up to some more of the featured Gentlewomen on my blog.  First, let’s congratulate Yadira Hernandez on her recent engagement to Joe Pham.  Joe proposed on their 5 year anniversary  at their  home and shared the moment with Yadira’s daughters.  To make the moment even more special, Joe purchased Thalia and Dulce (Yadira’s daughters) a necklace and ring.  It was his promise to be the best stepfather he could be to them.  Congratulations Yadira!

So, there is another follow up to my dear sister in law, Rita Mireles.  She was baptized on March 5, alongside her husband Sammy Mireles.  Baptism allows a Christ-follower to communicate to the world their heart-felt commitment to Christ.

Also, if you are interested in creating the perfect piece of furniture, you can contact Rita for one of the following:

•         One on One Painting Sessions (You paint the piece with help from Rita)
•         Painting Parties (Get a group together and learn painting techniques)
•         Total Furniture Make Over (Give Rita your most prized possession to paint)
•         Wishful Thinking (Let Rita know what you’re looking for and she’ll do her best to find it for you)

To check out Rita’s work, head over to her blog CurbsideCreations.

Lastly, Alex Ramirez’s daughter, Brittany Ramirez turned 15 this month and had the most beautiful quinceanera.  I remember the day Alex first told me she was pregnant.  We were both in 9^th grade and only 14 years old.  It baffles me that she already has a 15 year and she’s not even 30 yet.  It was such a beautiful party, that brought tears to my eyes during the father/daughter dance.  I give major props to Alex and Daniel for sticking through the hurdles of marriage, not to mention all the grown up life moments that they experienced at such a young age.  To give this moment to your daughter is priceless.  I am very proud of you two. 

 Also, let me give a shout out to fellow GW, Tania Cuadra for doing Brittany’s make up.  Didn’t she do a fabulous job?  Visit her FB page here for more information.  Book Tania to give you a professional make up look for your next special event.

Gentlewoman Magnolia and Magnolia (Mother/Daughter Combo)

Gentlewoman Magnolia and Magnolia (Mother/Daughter Combo)

As most of you may know, Magnolia (Maggie) Padilla was my Blog Birthday Giveaway Winner!  I always believe everything happens for a reason, and I truly believe that her being selected as the winner, brought forth a new set of eyes over the friendship we share and for me it brought a person whom I can relate to.  I have a close circle of friends whom I am drawn to, mainly for their loyalty, our history and for the wonderful people that they are.  I can relate to my friends on many levels from clothes, dreams, goals, religion, past experiences, etc., however, one thing that lacks in my inner circle is a friend with whom understands being a parent to a teenager.  I’m a stepmom, so I wasn’t there for the first 8 years of my stepson’s life, so I can’t quite relate exactly to the trials of having a child as a teen and the setbacks that can bring, nevertheless, where I am today is a mother to a 15 year old in high school.  None of my friends, or at least none of my friends in my close inner circle have teenage kids, so for me there isn’t anyone that I can identify with.  I was just talking to my husband the other day and expressing the emptiness of not having someone to connect to in that aspect of my life.  I always end up talking to my coworkers about Alec because they can relate.  They either have a child that age or a child a few years older.  Sometimes that does make me feel like some people don’t understand, but what is nice, is when you know someone and you take the time to know them better and you find out that you have more in common than what you thought. That happened to me, and in fact it happened for both me and my husband as a couple.  So due to Maggie winning, we (husbands included) shared a Sunday away from the kids where we were able to talk, mostly about our kids.  Hearing Maggie and her husband talk about their kids, their goals, their past, it was all really nice to know that we share similarities.  I’m really thankful for this experience, which in turn had me think of featuring Maggie and her daughter for the first mother/daughter GW Interview.  

Apples don’t fall too far from the tree.  When you see reflections of women in their children, especially in their daughters – well that is magical. 

“Here’s to strong women.  May we know them, may we be them, and may we raise them.”

 

Mother/Daughter Gentlewomen

For those people that don’t know you, can you tell me a little bit about yourself?

My name is Magnolia Padilla. I’m approaching my 35th birthday, married to my high school sweetheart, and a mother of 3 (ages 16, 8, and 4). I’ve been blessed to be a stay-at-home mom for the last 7 years, but am excited to go back to school and/or join the workforce again this fall, when my little one starts Pre-K.

Hi, my name is Magnolia Chavez, I’m a sixteen year old Junior at the Townview Magnet Center in Dallas. I want to go to either SMU or UT at Austin and go pre-med to become a gynecologist. I’m looking forward to starting my own life soon, but I’m grateful for the time I have with my family.

Maggie, you were graduating high school while 6 months pregnant with Little Maggie.  What was it like being pregnant in high school?  Upon realizing you were pregnant, what challenges did you face?

I was pregnant during the second semester of my senior year and only had to attend school half the day. I didn’t show for a long time so a lot of my classmates and teachers never even knew I was pregnant. In fact, some friends didn’t know until close to graduation. Only my closest friends did and thankfully, they all turned out to be very supportive. There were obvious challenges to face as a pregnant teen like telling my parents! I was so afraid to tell them that they didn’t find out until I was about 6 months along. I know, very bad on my part, but I couldn’t face the disappointment in their faces so I put if off as long as I could. I did get the reaction I expected when they found out, but at the end of the day, they were willing to help and support us as long as we continued our education beyond high school. Another challenge I will never forget was to try and stay awake during my English morning class!! To this day, I don’t know how I was able to get through it because the only pregnancy symptom I had was fatigue and as you can imagine, that and an English 4 class early morning do not mix! LOL I also worked so I remember leaving school and only having a few hours to sleep before having to go to work for the rest of the evening.  Years later my dad and brother told me that they knew something was up because I was always asleep!

Having Little Maggie at 18 and having Sebastian at 26 must have been very different?  How was it different (better or worse) by having a child at an older age versus a young age?

There are definitely differences between having a baby at 18 and 26. At 18, I was recently graduated from high school, unmarried, living at home, and had to grow up fast. There was no time to think about what my next step was. I just took it. I graduated from a technical school that led me to an associate’s degree in 24 mos. Halfway through it, I realized it wasn’t what I wanted anymore but I finished because I knew it would help me find a great job and I could provide more for my daughter. Besides, quitting halfway would mean I wasted 12 mos and still have to pay school loans. By the time I was pregnant with my son, Raul and I were married and settled in our house of 4 yrs. I had been laid off from my great job. (I worked for a company during the peak of 1 way and 2-way pagers, but was let go when cell phones started coming in.) Since I still continued to work part-time at my first job, which was Target, I decided to go full time because I loved the people I worked with and I actually enjoyed what I did. Within a few months I got a promotion. There was never any pressure to have to get another job because Raul was succeeding in real estate and Target provided us the medical benefits we needed for our family. I remained there until 2007, which led me to make the decision to stay home and raise our son. This was something I wished I could do with Maggie because with her I went to school and even worked 2 jobs at one time.  When the opportunity presented itself, Raul and I discussed it and agreed to do it. So to answer the question, I would say that I was more prepared at 26. Physically, there wasn’t a difference for me because I never had complications during my first and second pregnancies and I was active at Target so that helped me.

I was just talking to you the other day regarding having someone to relate to. While other teens were going off to college, you were focusing on your newborn and experiencing life at a much faster pace.  Did you ever feel secluded or alone?

That’s one thing I can say I did not experience. At no point did I ever feel alone because Raul was always there for me and with me. My best friend had a lot to do with it, as well.  She lived next door to me so it was easy to go over her house and distract myself from those feelings. As for the friends that graduated in my class, there was one in particular that I felt I disappointed because we both wanted to go into the medical field and said that we would open a medical clinic together when we became doctors. When she left to college in Oklahoma, there was a tiny tiny feeling in me that wished I was doing the same, but more than anything, I was happy for her. Little did we know she would end up moving back and starting her family, too!

You married Raul when you were 21.  Being young and also being parents, so much happens and as a couple you face trials, just as any married couple does.  How do you feel you and Raul were able to conquer married life and parenthood while being so young?  Any advice you can give couples that were in the same situation you were in (young, married and entering parenthood)?

Raul and I have been married 12 years, together 17 and we have had our share of obstacles in our marriage! At times it seemed as though we weren’t on the same page and it was frustrating because that led to us make decisions without the other’s input. A lot of the time, it was due to pride. This is where immaturity kicked in and eventually led to problems later on. Now, we ALWAYS consider each other’s opinions in making decisions.  I look up to my parents and in-laws for setting the example for us. Knowing that they too have been through so much, yet, still remain together and that they still love each other pushes us to be there after decades of marriage, too. Early on in our relationship, Raul and I knew what we wanted for ourselves and children. This has helped keep us focused throughout the years. There are still goals that we want to reach and without each other, it would be difficult. I’m not saying that I couldn’t reach those goals on my own, but I choose to do it with him because he is my life partner and frankly, there’s no one else I want to share the joy of reaching those goals with. Now I have to say that without God, Raul and I would not be at this point of our marriage. The big “eye opener” for us was when Raul got sick in 2011. After a month of multiple doctor visits, countless prescriptions, and hundreds of dollars spent I finally convinced him to go to the ER. He was admitted right away and was hospitalized. After 5 days in the hospital and lots of blood work done it took doctors from several different departments to finally diagnose him with an illness that is extremely rare in adults, mainly found in children. When we were told there was no cure, but that he would have to be treated for the rest of his life, I have to admit that it was heartbreaking to know that my husband would need to be on medication for the rest of his life. However, his positive attitude is what kept me going. He was just thankful that there was treatment for all the symptoms he was experiencing. After a treatment of about 2 months, he had his follow-up appointment with one of the physicians that diagnosed him. They ran all the same blood work and the results were surprising. Basically, the doctor told him there were no traces of the disease in his blood anymore. In addition to that, Raul’s symptoms were practically gone. No more 104 degree fevers, exaggerated coldness in his body, rash, and joint pain. It was as if he was never sick at all. To this day, he has never experienced any more symptoms. We knew then that this was God’s work. We took this as a sign that we needed to get closer to Him. We began attending mass regularly and became members at our parish, but there was still something missing. We still hadn’t received our sacrament of marriage in the Catholic church. On June 23, 2012 we received that beautiful sacrament and I know that because of it, our marriage has grown stronger than ever! God is in our home, in our children’s hearts, and everything we do now. The advice I would give young couples entering marriage and parenthood is to always place God first. Serve Him and He will take care of the rest.  Also, have patience, respect one another, and always make time for each other.

What is the biggest challenge you face being a mother of a 16 year old at the age you are now?  Any benefits?

Maggie has been such a great daughter! She has a big heart and continues to teach me something each day. I’m sure the typical teenage challenges present themselves to her but from our talks, she has a good head on her shoulders and has been able to overcome them with no problem. A lot of times I don’t find out about a situation until after it’s happened and that’s because she has already found a solution to it. In the past few years, we have grown so much closer. We share clothes and shoes…that’s where the benefit comes in! I have also enjoyed meeting her friends and getting to know them. It’s important for me to know who she hangs out with.

Little Maggie, what challenges do you face, if any, with being a child of young parents?  Any benefits to having parents who are younger?

Well, it’s kinda 50/50. I feel much more guarded than my friends, which means that I can’t get away with A LOT of the stuff my friends get away with. For example, I can’t just go out with friends whenever I want. My friends are usually able go out with each other all of the time, but I can’t since they all live on the other side of town. I can’t blame them though, they’re only being parents. But there are many perks of them being young. Like my mom said before, we’re able to share shoes, clothes, and makeup, a huge plus because I don’t have to buy heels, I could just borrow hers! My parents are definitely more interested in my schooling than others. They make the sacrifice of waking up early to take me to either my internship at Scottish Rite Hospital or all the way to school in Oak Cliff. I am very grateful for what my parents are able to do for me.

(Little Maggie) What is it like being a teenager in this generation? 

Regardless the generation, being a teenager is fun, but this generation is CLEARLY different. We are able to be entertained by a cell phone for hours and not get bored. I am guilty of doing that a couple of times, but some people need to know the dangers of that. People really need to watch what they do, say, and write on the internet because it really is there forever. Those things that are put up are going to stay and they can be found with just a few clicks. But, my generation really doesn’t seem to care about that. We have the “YOLO” aspect on everything and it seems fun for some things, but it can also destroy the image of that person. Wow, didn’t mean to go that route, but overall, I enjoy being a teenager at this time, it’s entertaining.

What do you think women in our generation need to hear?  

God loves us so much! Always trust in Him.  Also, don’t sell yourself short for anything or anyone. Love yourself!!!!

Believe that everything happens for a reason, and trust that God has a plan for all of us, each with a great outcome.

Who inspires you and why?

First, my parents inspire me because they sacrificed a lot by moving here from Mexico to give their children a life of opportunities. I know that leaving their own parents and siblings had to be the most difficult decision. Next, my children inspire me to continue to set goals for myself. I hope to make them proud of me and set the example for them as they continue to grow. Finally, my friends have inspired me to do so much recently. I pay attention to what you all are doing and am taking notes! Know that there is someone always cheering you all on in the background!

My biggest role model probably has to be my aunt Sandra. She’s great, she knows what she wants in life and she goes and gets it. At this moment, she is at the Dominican Republic helping out in clinics while being a pre-med student at UT at Austin, all paid for by the Bill Gates scholarship. This is what I wish to be like when I get to that point in life, which is really just around the corner. Sandra is such a driven and determined person, I feel like I need be like that, and having her to set the example for me is just what I need.

What are your dreams?

My biggest dream is to see all my children graduate from college and have a career that makes them happy. I still dream of being in the medical field…who knows, with hard work I pray God will lead me to that fulfilling career.  I also can’t wait to travel the world with Raul and own a vacation home in Playa Del Carmen!

I have a couple of dreams; some include Nick Jonas and Ryan Gosling (Mom: SMH J), others include making my parents proud of whom I become. I’m looking forward to the day that I open up my own gynecology office, call my own shots and make my own money to spend freely, but in a smart way, of course.

What are you most proud of?

I am most proud of my marriage and husband! We experienced some of the most difficult situations that I look back now and am grateful with how it all happened because otherwise, we wouldn’t have our sacramental marriage. I’m proud of myself for never giving up on us. Thanks be to God!

My parents make me proud. I am always proud to say that they were high school sweethearts that are happily married. I know they’ve had hard times but they made it through, that’s what counts, that’s what makes a marriage.