Run Your Own Race

Before I begin to write this blog post, I must warn you, a lot of what I write may be repetitive of things I’ve written before, but I felt a need ramble through it once again.  As you know, the last few years for me have been full of highs and lows.  I would not be able to sit here and open my heart in front of the world without having courage and confidence in myself. And yet, with that being said, I continue to struggle with insecurities in different areas of my life: writing, work, parenting, finances, etc.  It can be so contradicting but what I’ve learned is that no one really is 100% confident in every aspect of their life.  We look at these movie stars, models and billionaires and look up at them and think, “Wow, they have money, fame and beauty.  They have nothing to worry about.”  But they do, in fact probably more so than you and I.  Beyonce just had her drama with her man and her sister played out in front of the whole world (with footage to prove).  You have billionaires like Donald Sterling, a man with power and money become a man who is hated.  No one has it all together and we need to stop putting pressure on ourselves.  I’ll be the first to admit I tried to balance it all and it didn’t work for me, partly because I had lost focus of my first love and that was my devotion to the man upstairs.  It’s true what they say, you can’t try to do it on your own, you will fail, even when you think you have figured out.  God works in mysterious ways and I had to hit the ground before I could stand up.  I’ve seen a lot of my friends find courage and confidence in themselves to reach in and go for  ‘it’ – whatever that ‘it’ may be.  I’ve seen them prosper and I’ve seen them persevere.   Those friends inspire me, they make me realize that the impossible is possible and they help me try harder. 

Have you ever looked at someone and just been envious?  I have.  You look at them and then you look at yourself and you sit there in a pile of jealously.  You notice everything they have going on, a career, that perfect body, that amazing boyfriend/husband, or even their perfect children.  You look at your life and you start comparing and the bitterness creeps in because your life sucks.  Right?  Wrong!!!!  We all have something amazing about our lives.  Some of us just haven’t figured it out yet.  What I want is for you, for me, for us to stop comparing ourselves to each other. Let’s find our passions. Let’s go out there and do something about it. 

I’ve been working on so many things in the past year including myself.  I learned a lot of things that I should stop doing (one was comparing) and to tell you the truth, I haven’t mastered it completely, but I’ll tell you one thing, I don’t do it nearly as much as I use to.  I’ve learned how to stop myself mid-thought and recite scripture, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made…..I am a masterpiece………..I can do all things…….run your own race…….”  Knowing your worth and the realization that we are all made different with a different path laid out for us sounds predictable and common, but it’s the truth.  Loving and accepting yourself is one of the hardest things we will all have to face and yet it is so simple.    

Think of the things you have wanted for your life, now stop thinking and start doing.  You’ll find that if you take the first step the rest becomes a domino effect. 

Take a moment to watch this sermon from Joel Osteen called “Run Your Own Race”.  It will change your attitude, your perspective and even your life.  It may take listening more than one time.  What I would do is listen to this sermon, along with other sermons by Joel Osteen every morning for what seemed the entire year of 2012.  My life was changed.  If you can’t make it to church, try this.  Believe me, you’ll start craving more. 

       XO,

Return of Saturn

Back when Compact Discs (CDs) ruled the world, I had those organizers that kept all my CDs in alphabetical order by artist (because yes, I have OCD). I loved music – all kinds. I had brothers who introduced me to Rock en Español at a young age and kept me informed on the music they grew up with. They even had me listen to heavy metal/alternative because my youngest brother Jesse was in a band. My parents played Tejano all day every day and my friends and I listened to everything on 106.1 Kiss FM (which was a combination of pop/alternative/R&B, pretty much anything that was hip and trendy). In the year 2000, No Doubt, came out with one of my favorite albums of all time, "Return of Saturn". I remember when I purchased a new CD, my routine was to go in my room, play it in my stereo, sit down with the lyrics and have a listening party of one. I dissected the album and paid attention to every word. This album was perfection. It was relatable and intense. The first single off the album was Ex-Girlfriend. I can take myself back to being at home, watching MTV debut the video. Gwen had her pink hair and lyrics like, "I thought I always knew I'd be your ex-girlfriend" captured my interest. What does that mean? Boyfriends later, I knew exactly what that meant. In the interim of relating to that specific song, I grew fond of the album. Fast forward a couple of years, the album still made its way to my stereo and I found that I was able to connect to different songs at different points in my life. I always thought, if I were to pick one album that truly resonates with my life and the emotions that I have felt over love, this would be the album. Have you ever had an album you could relate to in that aspect?

I can play this record and still remember moments in my life where I sang so loud and had no connection with the words, to crying as the words touched my heart and captured the pain that I could not understand. Today I want to analyze the entire album and let you in on the moments in my life that stand out when I listen to these songs.

1. Ex-Girlfriend - "I kinda always knew I'd be your ex-girlfriend, why did you have to go pick me when you knew we were different…completely." This takes me back to the first time I felt "played". I met this guy that I knew was all wrong for me. Somehow I was "wooed" and I became his girlfriend. He was the type of guy you stay away from. He was the type of guy that is used to having "all the girls". I found myself up for the challenge, vowing I would be the one to change him. But ladies, we all know that never works, right? Just like the lyrics say, "I kinda always knew I'd be your ex-girlfriend", it was a disaster waiting to happen. I found myself wanting to prove myself wrong, but as Dr. Phil says in almost every episode, "You can predict future behavior of a person by past behavior." Sometimes it's a lost cause. This song is not quite the Alanis Morsette "You oughta know" anthem, (which honestly would be a better song to define that relationship), but all in all, this song is a good release of anger and frustration with a relationship that was doomed from the start. I was another ex-girlfriend on his list, but I should have thought of that before we kissed.
2. Simple Kind of Life- "For a long time, I was in love, not only in love, I was obsessed. It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells." When you end a relationship with someone you truly love, or someone who you think you love, you have this obsession over what could have been. It's a feeling you can't shake off. Wondering leaves you nowhere. At the end of the day, I truly believe if it's meant to be, it will be. Unfortunately, when you are in love, it's hard to shake the feeling that there will be a rainbow after the storm. You try to analyze the relationship questioning all the details. The fights, the arguments, the pettiness, it starts to sink in. All along all you wanted is someone to love….someone to have a family with and grow old with, but the dream has been burst. After the anger dwindles, the pain of the loneliness enters and you are left with a broken heart because all you wanted was the simple things…..a simple kind of life.
3. Bathwater – "Wanted and adored by attractive women, bountiful selection at your discretion. I know I'm diving into my own destruction. So why do we choose the boys that are naughty? I don't fit in, so why do you want me? And I know I can't tame you…but I keep trying." I wrote a blog when I turned 30 about a time in my life when I lost all sense of self confidence. It was during this time I felt I was competing with every girl in sight (while dating my ex-boyfriend). When you date a person that is interested in every girl that he sees, the upkeep is impossible. I wasn't strong enough to begin with, so this situation caused the decay of confidence in myself as a woman, confidence in my appearance and in myself as a whole. I lost myself in this relationship. I was trying to change this person, but it was me that was changing. I was morphed into someone I did not like. No matter what this person did to hurt me, I STILL loved him (or so I thought), I later realized I was obsessed with the challenge of it all, but at that moment I believed I loved him and I risked myself in the process. Pathetic? Very. I was weak, gullible, stupid and a complete door mat (plus all those other words you call girls who stay in lame relationships). I was willing to bathe his bathwater – his dirty, smelly bathwater. I couldn't help it. I was willing to accept all the bad to enjoy a sliver of happiness.
4. Six Feet Under – "Today is my birthday and I get one every year and someday I do believe I will be buried six feet underground. " I loved playing this song on my birthday, mostly for the reference of it saying "today is my birthday". What better day to play this song than your actual birthday? At the time, saying I'll be buried six feet underground one day was far from applying to me. I was young and carefree and death didn't phase me. This song reminds me of being young, carefree and enjoying my birthday.
5. Magic's In the Makeup – "My makeup is all off. Who am I? The magic's in the makeup. Who am I?" When I was 13 years and entering 8^th grade I went through a huge physical transition. I ditched my glasses for contacts (colored actually, they were hazel, cause that was the thing at the time), my wardrobe was updated to the latest and greatest, I learned how to comb my hair and all that brought forth confidence in myself. I entered 8^th grade looking a lot different from my previous 7^th grade year. The attention I received was great at first. People that had never noticed or talked to me the year before were now wanting to be my friend. Boys noticed the change as well and I had their attention now. I learned pretty gets you further than not pretty. I was walking different, smiling more - I was confident. The makeup, the clothes, it was all part of the package of looking and feeling pretty. It's such a double edged sword though. Just as I was enjoying this new chapter in my life, I learned quickly that not everyone is going to like you for looking pretty. There are people out there that will dislike you for this and I was so torn between the good and the bad. I wanted to feel pretty for the longest, but now here I was standing in the hallway with girls wanting to fight me. If WTF would have been the acronym in the late 90s that's what I would have written all over my diary. Seriously, WTF? Those years were so confusing. I was still the same person once the makeup was off. I was a 13 year old learning about the world, looking for acceptance. The clothes, the makeup, it helped me feel confident, but those years were a challenge. I loved what it did for me, but I also hated it at the same time.
6. Artificial Sweetener – "I'm full of artificial sweetener. My heart's been deceitful. It's all artificial sweetener. I'm faking I love you's. You're forcing me to." This song takes me back to my freshman year in HS. I was in a relationship. I wanted so much to be in love and experience a high school sweetheart – just like the movies. I found myself forcing myself to feel a certain way, when deep down I was torn. I wanted to love a person so badly who was the ideal candidate, but because it wasn't genuine, my heart wasn't in it. The more that I think of it, this lasted my entire high school crusade. I don't know why I was in love with the idea of love, but I couldn't commit and give away my heart. I was hot and cold. One day completely in love and the next day finding myself so out of love. I was selfish and showing the worst in me. My track report wasn't great. It wasn't until I met boyfriend described in song #1 that made me realize that playing with people's heart was brutal. I got my payback and then some. Although that relationship caused me so much depression, it made me realize the value of not only my heart, but other's and it wasn't something you could take lightly.
7. Marry Me – "Who will be the one to marry me?" I blame all those Disney movies for the false representation of what relationships and happily ever after's consisted of. I thought you fall in love and you eventually marry that person. I longed for a high school sweetheart, but that was stomped on. I couldn't find my prince and I was becoming impatient. Ever since I was little, the dream of marriage and children was always on my list before I even dreamed of a career. I wanted true love. My inability to find what I was looking for was a struggle for me. The curiosity of who that man was always in the back of my head. After failed relationships passed, I found myself single for a good while. A time I enjoyed. It allowed me to find myself again. But even though that time was fun, I longed for the companionship of a boyfriend. I wanted someone to share my life with. I was 23 and started thinking, I don't think it's going to happen for me. This song reminds me of that period of time – the desire of wanting to find true love, get married and the interest to know who he would be.
8. New – "Don't let it go away. This feeling has got to stay. I can't believe I've had this chance now. Don't let it go away." Just as I was beginning to doubt that I would ever get married. I met this guy. He was new. I gravitated to him. I loved learning about him. I loved that he was different from the others. As Gwen states in the song, like a fresh battery, I was energized by him. I was giddy. I was nervous. I was excited. He gave me butterflies. He gave me hope that there was actually someone out there for me that had all the qualities I was looking for, plus he was extremely cute. This song reminds me of that time. That new phase, when everything is exciting.
9. Too Late – "I'm nervously cradling our young love, without known limits. Like a butterfly cupped in my hands, I peek in to see beauty trapped." I found myself in love and afraid of getting hurt. I wanted to protect what I had without the tainting of rumors, lies, arguments or just plain life. Shortly after months of dating and entering "life" and those petty arguments, I found myself pregnant and I knew it was too late to give up on this relationship. We had opened the floodgates of hardships.
10. Comforting Lie – "Oh, so up and down, so back and forth. So insecure. I'm on the verge of tears again." I thought I was fixed once the bad relationship was a couple years behind me, BUT entering a relationship after all that time, allowed me to confirm I was not OK and I had carried the hurt all along. The band aid was slowly coming undone and I found myself back at square one. I hated this. Why was I feeling this way again? I wanted it all to go away. I swear I was normal, but pregnancy turned me into a depressed state of mind. Was I going to be a single mom? Signs pointed yes and that angered me. I felt strong, but I also felt weak. It was a tug of war.
11. Suspension Without Suspense – "Odds stacked against us, we get so far and then it just starts rewinding." Have you ever been in a relationship where you were doomed before it even started? You know this person is all wrong for you, or you know that it just isn't going to work, but you give it a shot anyway, because you are pulled to this person for a reason. No matter how hard you try, instead of moving forward, you break up, get back together and just like shampoo instructions you rinse and repeat. You love this person, but you hate them too. And aside from everything that continues to pull you apart you don't want to let go.
12. Staring Problem – "Such a cute girl, I'm so jealous. I wish I looked exactly like her. What's it like to have that body? I'm gawking while I wonder." Thank you Gwen for affirming I'm not alone. We're women and we notice other women, because this world is so obsessed with looks and beauty. I think we've all had those moments where we look at ourselves and compare ourselves to others and find ourselves envying someone else whether it's because of their beautiful hair, their "perfect body" or their career along with everything else we don't have. It's not fair and we tell ourselves over and over again. What we don't realize is while we are busy staring at someone else, we have other women staring at us with the same feelings of envy. It's a vicious cycle.
13. Home Now – "So what you givin' up for me? And what shall I give up for you?" So back when I was pregnant with that guy who made me feel giddy inside, I found myself becoming the insecure girl from relationship from song #1. We fought and argued and we were about to go in a downward spiral. We took a break and lyrics like "And to make it real, I need to have you here, I need to have you, I need to hold you" were words that spoke truth. I wanted this relationship to work, so I was willing to see where I could make improvements, but the weak side of me also had grown a piece of strength that was asking for something in return. What are you givin' up for me? It was a clash of weakness and strength. I was going to try. Our break was over and we needed to make it real. We needed to be together again. We did. In 2008, Mr. Mireles ended up being my answer to song #7.
14. Dark Blue – "And you're so sad, it's too bad, I wish you could have had what I had." This song has been the least played song on this album song for me. I did have one friendship where this song would fit, but I never played it in remembrance of someone. I think the song is great, but I hate that the album ends with this song. I think the playlist for me ends at #13.
    

Waiting for the Shoe to Drop

Today I have a guest blogger – my sister-in-law, Rita Mireles.  I credit a lot of my blog endeavor to her (and a couple of other people) because she took time to help me help myself, and I will always be grateful for her and for the potential she saw in me.  I’ve seen a big change in Rita in just the past year.  She has become this fearless woman who has blossomed right in front of my eyes.  I have witnessed this new confidence overtake her, and I have also seen her gain Godfidence, which means relying and trusting on God. These two things helped Rita achieve the courage to throw away the keys to the door God closed.  Change is always hard, even if it’s for the better.  Change is intimating and uncertain, but going through change helps us grow in many ways.  And if we have faith, we know that all things work for good (if we believe).  Today Rita is going to talk about her hurdles in the workforce, the results of being unhappy and the power to believe in God and having him work wonders, even during turbulence. 

Waiting for the Shoe to Drop by Rita Mireles

Waiting for the other shoe to drop: to wait for the inevitable next step or the final conclusion.  

Yeah, …… sometimes things are just too good to be true so we hold on to this old saying because we know it’s eventually going to happen. Or at least I think that is what we’ve trained ourselves to believe because things just can’t go as we’d love them to, right? What I’m finding however, is that in my case, I don’t believe that shoe will drop and in fact, so far after taking the leap of faith to change my job, I’ve been so terribly happy, I’m giddy on a daily basis. It’s an experience I’m unfamiliar with because when did work ever feel nice?

What I can tell you about myself is I’ve been working since the age of 19 and now that I’m 40 (as of this year), I’ve encountered many career paths, stressful jobs, and the common place “mean girls” in my life! Another thing you should know is that I’m very non-confrontational so I typically live in the situation I’m in as not to be on anyone’s bad side. Very sad but true!

So what changed?  Heck, I wish I knew where to begin.  I think I could start with about two years ago when I went to work for a very highly regarded financial institution. All in all, it was a great job, with great benefits, great pay and perks to boot. Problem was I wasn’t happy. I’ve heard it said that your job is your job and nothing more. So if it pays the bills and takes care of the family, then why leave? Well, I’ll tell you.  After working the majority of my life, I want to be in a place that accepts me for me, with people who actually care about me. If I have to spend the better part of my day in a place that literally sucks the life out of me,  it should be a good sign that I’m not in the right place. And not only that, I’m so not one of those people who believe a job is a job! It’s like saying your life is just a life and you should live with what you are dealt. Ummm…NO…absolutely not! I choose how to live my life, with the people I love and surround myself with happy things, so why should work be any different? After two years of uncertainty, I finally, FINALLY, found my (work) home and I can’t begin to tell you the difference I feel.

I used to work in a place where I was told “You’re too nice”, “ You need to be more mean”, “You need to be more tough skinned”…and if you know me, you know I’m none of the above.  Then there’s my creative side that would burst at the seams to do something, anything fun  but where I worked, it just never panned out. I could go on and on (and on and on) about the clashing of personalities but I think you get the general idea. Bottom line is everyday I came home, I’d bitch about work, eat, then go to sleep with a huge stress ball on my neck and back and my family paid the price. I’m sure it’s not fun to come home to your spouse who simply can’t leave work at work. And I just couldn’t do that. Work was a part of my life and it was eating me up inside.

So fast forward to two and a half years later of feeling like crap.  Just pretend we are all sitting in a little diner eating breakfast with our mom and sisters for “girls day”. This is the setting I was in when God intervened and put a woman who owned a graphic shop, whom I’d applied with long ago; in the same restaurant with her family. I actually followed her to the bathroom ( I promise I’m not crazy) and introduced myself to her and she actually remembered my name. I just wanted to say HI then quietly went back to my mom and sisters and said “that was a sign from GOD” (my words exactly I promise). Well He did intervene that day and a couple of weeks later they called and asked if I was interested in a position.

It’s been a month now since I’ve been in my new position. I went from working at a building of more than 6,000 employees to one with only 10. I took a pay cut, and though I couldn’t tell my husband exactly how we would make it work, I just knew in my heart we would and that God would make that happen. I won’t get as many “perks” as I did before but I’d trade that for happiness and a breath of fresh air any day. As I told Shirley (my new boss), at the ripe old age of 40, I don’t want to climb the corporate ladder and get backstabbed on the way up anymore. I’ve lived that life and realized my life is too important to live it stressed out half the time and feeling bad the rest because my coworker decided I was the target that day. I traded a huge, beautiful campus for an actual family that I think are beginning to love me and my flaws and  I ACTUALLY have people I want to help anyway I can, instead of apologizing daily for all the small things people deem “important” which would lots of times include things like dirt on the floor!


To say I have a greater respect for the gift I have and can specifically see the change in myself is something I never thought I’d say but today I’m so happy I can!! So there’s a new saying I can go by and that’s when God shuts a door he opens a window. And I guess when you look at it (through my creative eye of course) wouldn’t you rather shut the door to a place that’s held you back and see what’s on the other side of that wind?!! It’s a whole new world out there for me and though I’m just getting started, it’s already made a world of difference!

When are you having another baby?

“When are you having another baby?”  

Oh the question I dread – for many reasons.  Now, I understand this question is a typical conversation starter, or in my case a conversation ender, I try not to get irritated every time I get asked this question. Some of you may be thinking, crap, I asked her one time.  Truth is I don’t get irritated by the one time offenders, I get irritated by the people who ask me multiple times.  I use to answer the question, “My husband and I are going to revisit the idea when I turn 30.”  That kept most people off my back.  Now that I’m 30, it’s been an overload of “When are you having another baby?”  When I politely say my husband and I are happy with our two children and we have no plans in the near future of creating any more love seeds, I immediately get asked, “Why?”  “Well, two is enough for us.  We are able to balance both children and provide for them financially and physically without feeling overwhelmed.” (We all know even with one child it can be overwhelming at times, but you catch my drift.)  “We don’t want to be outnumbered.  At this point, we love where we are at.”  “But, don’t you want to have another?  You should give Mia a sister.”  At this point, I think the line has been crossed.  (1) What if I have some medical condition that doesn’t allow me to have any more children?  (2) Why can’t we just leave it at “Two is enough for us.”? 

When I was younger, I saw an episode of Oprah where this lady had 6 kids and while it was a challenge, the reward of having these children overweighed all the exhaustion.  I remember thinking, “I want that.  I want a big family.”  When I was pregnant, I was already slowly becoming a mother before I was a mother.  I came into a relationship where my significant other had a child from a previous relationship.  There wasn’t any hesitation starting this relationship with the realization that I would possibly become a step parent, but for anyone who is a step parent, you don’t know the highs and lows until you actually go through it.  At 23 years old, I had two children.  One I gave birth to and the other was given to me at 8 years old.  After I had my daughter Mia, I wanted to have another somewhere down the road, but adding a third is different than adding a second.  So we had to wait.  Financially we weren’t prepared for a third, nor did we have the time to devote to another child.  As time passed, the kids got older and I went through different seasons from wanting another to being content with our two.  They call this “baby fever”.  We talked about it a lot as a couple.  My husband always told me, he would be happy with more or with just our two.  Sometimes I wanted another just for the reason of experiencing pregnancy all over again.  I was not married when I had Mia and I had a very difficult pregnancy, that at times I feel scarred me for life.  It was hard, painful and unpleasant. I missed tons of work, I was put on bed rest and I ended up having Mia 4 weeks early.  Luckily, there were no complications during labor, but I remember feeling scared to get pregnant again. 

I was learning to be a mother to a newborn and an 8 year old at the same time.  It’s like having twins in a way – you try to balance this new adventure, but it’s double the work and in my case, two different age groups.  I know there are tons of areas that I look back at, and I feel I could have done better, but we all know you learn through experience, and there was no way that I would know what I know now at that age.  Today, I have a six year old and I have a 15 year old.  Because my son is not technically mine, I do have to share him, so we have to give up 1^st, 3^rd and 5^th weekends, the month of July and we have to alternate holidays every year.  Because people see us with Alec and without Alec, some people don’t realize that he lives with us.  It must be a stereotypical thing, because most people assume he lives with his mother.  That is not the case.  At times I feel people don’t know the full story and think we only have him on the weekends and therefore, believe we only have one child at home and wonder why I don’t want more.  We have two at home and they keep us VERY busy. I really am content where we are today.  It’s the four of us and I get to experience having a boy and a girl.

The irritation of the questioning sometimes feel like an attack, “You should have another.  I can’t believe you are not going to have another…..etc.”  Just the other day someone told me for the umpteenth time, “You should have another.”  When I said no, we are okay, I got this look of judgment.  “She must not want to gain weight and ruin her body.”  I know what people think because they’ve said similar things in front of me about other people. As women, why do we judge a woman if she decides to have one, two or no kids at all?  Also, not until recently did I learn that the questioning can offend and be hurtful.  Some women are struggling to have another, they want to keep it private, but when people are questioning over and over, it can be disheartening. I’ve been guilty of asking – I think we just have to remember, it’s not that easy to answer sometimes.  Women are going through different seasons, different medical conditions, marital issues, etc.  I just dislike having to explain myself over and over to people.  Our two love seeds are more than enough for us right now.

I hope my vent fest didn’t sound completely like I was complaining.  I just needed to get this off my chest.  And I promise, I won’t jump on the next person that asks, as long as they don’t question me why over and over. 

       XO, 

Financial Freedom

I attended a finance class with my husband about a month ago.  It was held at our church for three Sundays.  Most of the information we were already aware of -  saving, budgeting, etc.  I’ll have to admit, both my husband and I were not good with our finances during the first few years of our marriage – heck even now and then we mess up. We became more aware of what we needed to do and work on when we decided to purchase a house.  About three years ago we decided we wanted to take the next step of becoming home owners.  As most of you are aware, your credit is key when making these types of purchases.  My husband and I had a low credit score due to the fact that we didn’t have credit open in our names.  We were advised to open a couple of credit cards, make some purchases and pay them on time to help our credit score grow.  We did that and later found ourselves holding 4 maxed out credit cards.  Needless to say, the credit limits were not high, so we weren’t sitting in a pile of thousands of dollars, but we were in debt.  It’s so easy to say, I’ll pay it off -  BUT it’s easier said than done.  Interest charges can be killer.  Lesson learned?  Well, that year we focused on our improving our credit score and luckily when it was time to purchase a house, things ran smoothly.  We did have to pay 90% of our credit debt upfront, which was relieving, but we should have just cut those credit cards up at that time, BUT we didn’t.  With the house, came expenses.  We needed more furniture, appliances needed to be updated, there was just so much that was needed.  Best Buy, Home Depot cards were opened, a credit line at Ashley’s Furniture was opened and immediately used.  We found ourselves with new things, but also found ourselves with the debt that came along with it. 

My dad had always emphasized the importance of money management, saving and had actually paid off over 50 grand of debt within a matter of 5 years and managed to pay off his home early during that time as well.  Because of that commitment and discipline, my parents are living comfortably now that my mother has retired.  Even though I knew years ago that my parents had accomplished this, it did not resonate with me and my debt until about a year ago.  If some of you remember, I wrote a blog post in August of last year. (You can find it here.) I had read the book my dad gave me by Dave Ramsey.  That along with other things, seeing my dad pay his truck off in cash, reading “My Purpose Driven Life”  and learning the fundamentals of money management, giving back and tithing - all these things collided and it brought my husband and I to begin paying off debt, which we did, unfortunately somewhere along the lines of birthdays and holidays, it came to a halt. 

As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, we attended a finance class at church which brought us on this financial peace journey once again. Hearing first hand testimony from the volunteers who were teaching the class was reinvigorating, encouraging and it trigged something inside of us that needed to be awakened. I received some great tools from the class that included learning how to budget.  A cool site that was referenced was Mint.com, which is an online budgeting website that does all the work of organizing and categorizing your spending.  It’s so simple, all you do is plug in all your accounts and it shows you every transaction and automatically categorizes for you.  When I first plugged in our bank accounts, it pulled up all our transactions and gave us a pie chart that categorized where our spending was going.  It was pretty neat to see it all available and categorized for us.  One of the most shocking things during the start of this new budgeting tool, was the realization that in the month of March we had spent $60 in coffee – yes, you read that right – $60 in COFFEE!  I read the alert and thought, no way, this cannot possibly be accurate, but low and behold, I was wrong and I was completely appalled.  We started having financial conversations and telling ourselves we couldn’t just grab a coffee whenever we wanted.  Since then, we have learned how to step back and say no to a lot of things. We’ve learned that we need to budget. That in no way means that we stopped cold turkey – it is a process, but knowing that we both have access to this tool that shows us exactly where our money is going is like a discipline tactic and it has helped us stay on track.  Along with budgeting, we have also increased our 401(k) and savings, we’ve started the debt snowball* once again and most importantly, we have begun to tithe our 10%.  In the Bible, God challenges us to return 10% of all we make back to Him through the local church.

Chris and I have been going to Fellowship Church for a year now and during this time, we have given back, but not in the amount that the Bible instructs us to.  I remember the first time God put it in my heart to give $100.  At that time, I just felt it in my heart and I did it with no reservations.  I increased our giving, but it still wasn’t 10% of our combined income.  After the first finance class, we went home and calculated how much our tithing would be.  It was not fun seeing that number.  We looked at each other and questioned how would we make this happen.  We didn’t know how we would be able to give that much.  We made it a priority, and what do you know, we had the money to give back to our church all along.  I kid you not, the first month we gave a full 10%, I found that we had more money in our accounts.  Additionally, I found little “signs” and “rewards” come forth.  For example, in the month of March and April, we managed to have free date nights, we were blessed with discounts or savings in different areas – it was God’s way of telling us, “See, you are going to be okay.  Don’t worry about money.  If you trust in me, not only will you give back to your church, but you will have more than enough, if not more.”  Having this confirmation was what I needed.  I’ll be honest, I’m the worry wart of the family.  I’ll start stressing even before there is a reason to stress and finances are the worst.  Putting this trust in God was hard for me.  The first time I gave my 10%, I was so hesitant and even knowing that God would provide a way, I was still doubtful.  As I was keying in all my information online, the doubts, the worry, they all crept in, but I fought it as much as I could.  Once I hit submit, it was done.  No turning back.  And there in black letters was my reassurance. 

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION! Your contribution to Fellowship Church was processed successfully. In Acts 20:35, Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Your generosity is a reflection of that truth and an example of what “Blessed to be a blessing” means! You can view this contribution as well as all your giving records by visiting www.FellowshipChurch.com/give. Thank you for living out a life of generosity!

Now, it’s not so painful.  You see, Chris and I were blessed with life change at Fellowship Church one year ago and that was all due to other people’s generosity.  There was no doubt in my mind, that we would do the same, it was just our fear and anxiety and doubt that held us back from giving all that we could.  The classes that Fellowship had really helped us.  A big eye opener was a verse that was given during one of the finance classes.  “...Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.” – Malachi 3:10    This verse struck me hard.  God is telling us, “Test Me!”  If we obey, he will not only take care of us, but he will pour out so much blessings that there will not be enough room to store it.  It’s like us as parents, we tell our children, clean your room, mind your manners, do well in school and I’ll do anything and everything for you.  It’s just like that.  It’s obeying what God has instructed us to do and in return he will reward and bless us. 

I know I still have some debt to pay and a life of lessons to learn about money management, but I’m already on the path of financial freedom.  It takes commitment, prayer, discipline and support.  It won’t always fall into place perfectly and there will be hurdles, but I’m up for the challenge because the outcome is so worth it.  Plus, it’s possible.  And like they say, nothing worth doing is ever easy, right?

My goal is to be debt free by next year (not including our cars and home).  Updates will come along the way.  In the meantime, if you feel inspired, check out Dave Ramsey’s website, or better yet go grab his book, Total Money Makeover. 

*Debt Snowball – a debt reduction strategy, whereby one who owes on more than one account pays off the accounts starting with the smallest balances first while paying the minimum on larger debts.  Once the smallest debt is paid off, one proceeds to the next slightly larger small debt above that, so on and so forth, gradually proceeding to the larger ones later.  More information click here. 

XO,