Writings from the younger me

Written 09.09.09

Sometimes when it’s quiet and I have time to think, my mind wonders to everything - the baby, the husband, the step son, my mother and father, the past, the future and even all the scenarios that led me to where I am today. I don’t know where along my 25 years God decided to bless me with everything I ever wanted – scratch that – with everything I ever needed. There are several things I want, but God gave me everything I needed which is by far so much more important. This month marks the 1 year anniversary of my marriage with Chris. Everything goes by so fast. The baby who was once growing inside of me is now almost two and it seems as though planning the wedding and anticipating “our” day lasted longer than our first year as husband and wife. People always seem to ask, “How is married life?” Honestly, to me it is no different than dating, except now we live together and I check the “Mrs.” Box.


I have a lifetime to spend with my husband on Earth, if God permits and a future filled with more laughs, love and hugs. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life. Not only is he wonderful to me, but he is such an amazing father. I can look at him play with Mia and it brings an inner joy to see her smile and his smile and in that moment I know what love is all about. I can’t get over him and how much he means to me at this moment. He took down all the walls I built and threw away all the baggage I had carried. All my trust issues, all my insecurities that followed me like paparazzi were demolished with a kiss and I became a new person. I still have my faults and I’m in no way perfect but Chris loves me like I am. Even in the mornings when I look like a truck rolled over me or when I’m sick in the hospital bed, he looks at me like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. Sometimes, however, I feel like this is too good to be true that one day I’ll catch him cheating or he’ll leave me with no reason, but those are just the haunting insecurities that try to take over me. I have to remind myself that I’m no longer in those situations of feeling that I am not good enough, because I am good enough and I am deserving of this beautiful life. My life could’ve taken a different path, I could have landed a huge toad who would have only brought me misery, but somehow I dodged the bullet and I scratched the ticket that won me the lottery. My life may not be filled w/ a lavish mansion with a maid or a closet full of designer clothes, but I am rich – very rich in love and family.